Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML
Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
Today, my date was about to go down on me when he burst out laughing. I'd bought some new sexy panties, which apparently had a sticker on them that came off and got stuck to me. It seems my vagina had been examined by employee No.32 for quality control purposes. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The first words that came out of his mouth were, "Rape isn't that bad if you think about it." FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML
Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML
Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your minge?" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
foxwasalamb 24
what the ****..? maybe its a clever way of saying he has a large penis
HappyItalian 38
"Probably not you."
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (122)
Hyperspace68 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He's a keeper
MrDonSalvetti 27
Could you stop with this shitty "he's a keeper" line on every damn post where they talk about a guy (or a girl) doing/saying strange things? It's getting really annoying, like that "Darude - Sandstorm" shit when you ask what's the song's name...
foxwasalamb 24
oh thats it? i never even understood darude sandstorm
shutupshane12 12
You mean he plays soccer?
minesbiggerr 25
#60 he plays quidditch you dummy
shutupshane12 12
#78 if you didn't know, in soccer: the goalie is also called the keeper The more you know
prostar9993 15
Someone is a crybaby. This is the internet, trolls are everywhere. Get used to it or don't go online.
devildog562 33
Baseball bat!
Corey122726 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Tell him something huge to turn him off. Home made 3 1/2 round ***** cause anything smaller is just a joke.
Ichiya 29
Tell him you queefed out an african elephant.
foxwasalamb 24
what the ****..? maybe its a clever way of saying he has a large penis
BigLatchZatch 14
Or maybe he's covering up for a small penis. Like if she hasn't had anything big she won't know what she's missing out on.
tony1891 22
or maybe...there is no maybe. who the **** asks Someone that on a first date?
wilber245 16
Who asks that on any date?
laden_swallow09 35
If the issue of sexuality has already been presented, well… Either way, never on a first date.
Wakachulak 22
You know, it could also be that he wasn't enjoying the date and thought acting like a douche bag was better than just summing the courage to be honest. 2c
chosha_fml 27
#3 Or a not clever way.
rocketiquette 20
I would've responded with "well, I doubt you'd make the list anyways..." And I would've left.
UmmOkThen 31
Time to cut and run.
orbit 22
Wait. What are we thinking about cutting here?
devildog562 33
Apparently the labia minora and majora.... Possibly the taint too . Have to make this wine bottle fit ...
orbit 22
Oh god
dannnngthatsux 19
No need for cutting, Astroglide and a lot of work. Just think, a baby's head has to fit through there.
ronberg 15
what cind of person asks that on the first date...
99treee 7
People that aren't 11 like you
DomiLove 26
Kind* not cind, that's not even a word.
Mauskau 36
"Night Cind." - Goofy, Scary Movie 1
enginsteve 17
Right? That's way too long. That information should be known before the first date.
Allornone 35
what kind of a person doesn't know how to spell kind? I mean, I know you're only 14, but still, it's a pretty basic word. Maybe English isn't your first language. If it is, you really need to start paying a little attention in school. You are missing some important things.
killerdana 19
It was probably just a typo. Relax
clemscott 10
C is no where near k on the keyboard
Animekid126 13
Could have just hit the c by accident and didn't see it, I think he knows how to spell kind guys..
neotholic 11
What CIND of person is smart enough to spell?
ronberg 15
sorry english is not my first language... i thought that was how it was spelled
wheresmymary 22
What kind of person asks that ever?!
JanieBoo 3
oh gosh he didn't spell it right, wtf ppl why give him such a hard time, chill out ppl
gurbism 16
Well, that escalated quickly.
sayyestothedress 24
No shit Sherlock!
HappyItalian 38
"Probably not you."
RedPillSucks 33
Best answer
kenodupe 13
You should've said "probably not your dick"
aubama_fml 15
Surely not a douche like him
thecman25 14
wtf