Weird, Awkward, First Dates and Intimacy: Ice-breaker - FML

Ice-breaker

By bye loser - 20/10/2014 09:28 - Canada - Abbotsford

Spicy

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 764

You deserved it 3 974

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Same thing different taste

Found it

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 448

Recognize this?

By Anonymous - 06/10/2014 02:42 - United States - Rock Island

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 464

You deserved it 19 804

Weird assumption

By writer4life - 17/01/2010 05:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 088

You deserved it 6 324

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 866

You deserved it 4 436

QC issue

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my date was about to go down on me when he burst out laughing. I'd bought some new sexy panties, which apparently had a sticker on them that came off and got stuck to me. It seems my vagina had been examined by employee No.32 for quality control purposes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 478

WTF dude?

By Scarred for life - 04/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Eagle River

Spicy

Today, I went on a blind date. The first words that came out of his mouth were, "Rape isn't that bad if you think about it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 891

You deserved it 1 356

By Anonymous - 20/08/2014 22:14 - Sweden - ?kersberga

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 990

You deserved it 8 260

By MIB thingy please... - 05/02/2015 01:21 - United States - Oregon City

Spicy

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 020

You deserved it 5 578

By haggisbowl - 14/01/2012 06:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 136

You deserved it 9 474

Picture game

By Anonymous - 01/12/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 2 221

Next

Top comments

foxwasalamb 24

Monday 20 October 2014 22:12

what the ****..? maybe its a clever way of saying he has a large penis

HappyItalian 38

Monday 20 October 2014 22:16

"Probably not you."

Comments

KrispyKreme_92 8

Thursday 23 October 2014 15:13

What is happening to the human race ?

CandyApple88 13

Saturday 25 October 2014 22:08

Ever see the movie "Idiocracy"? ever day, i see more and more 'evidence' that this movie was in fact a documentary about the future.

Kazze 31

Thursday 23 October 2014 20:28

Should have said something scary to freak him out. "What's the biggest thing you've put in your vag?" "A bowling ball."

MyNameIsTim 2

Friday 19 June 2015 1:28

or "our future baby"

CandyApple88 13

Saturday 25 October 2014 22:11

He probably was looking for someone to .... film.... Suggested answer to his question "First you tell me what is the biggest thing you've shoved up your ass?"

Fukkme 8

Sunday 26 October 2014 20:01

No way that happens in canada

Space_Teddy 29

Tuesday 28 October 2014 0:38

Would tell him the same thing I'm gonna stick up your ass if you ever dare to ask me such question again

andersonj219 5

Friday 31 October 2014 17:49

People are messed up lol

trumpet27 1

Thursday 9 February 2017 21:22

Stupid. Sucks.But hilarious

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The Top

The Top

Today, I went to a concert with a friend of mine. When his dad came to pick him up, I walked towards the car, expecting a ride. His dad told me he didn't have time to drive me home. I'm his neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 327

You deserved it 4 389

Today, after I cooked dinner, my girlfriend told me how much she missed me and how she wanted to spend more sexy time together. We climbed into bed and, right in the midst of getting frisky, her ADHD kicked in big time, so her mind went astray and then she just fell asleep. Perhaps some Adderall? FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 135

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 744

You deserved it 120 504

Today, I was yelled at by my mom for not communicating to the rest of my family about the zoom call SHE planned and asked for. The call was to celebrate my birthday. Apparently, it was my responsibility to coordinate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 113

Today, my dog took a dump beside the air intake for our furnace. The house now smells like dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 987

You deserved it 4 076

Today, my long distance boyfriend left me for a local girl. My last relationship was also long distance and we were even engaged until he slept with someone in his hometown because his “horniness” was “becoming too much.” I think I get the hint now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 496