Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother trying to stick his knob into a cola bottle. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML
Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML
Today, I found my expensive lingerie I thought I had lost. In my 15-year-old brother's room. FML
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Top comments
s0m3guy2010 21
If it can fit in a lotion bottle, I'm assuming it was too small for you to see too much anyway.
cpucooler 4
Your skin has been really smooth and silky lately though, right?
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Comments (87)
aj94w 4
That's wasteful! Someone give this guy a donut.
bluangel 1
What is it with men and using the most expensive bottle of lotion you own to jack off
aj94w 4
It's called class.
noisebox 1
Sounds like another chapter for 'Intrusive Wacker Stories' the 7th edition.
BoratSagdiyev 2
Did he warm it up a little first?
SApprentice 34
Well, um, at least he enjoyed himself? Make him buy you a new bottle, OP. Oh, and you might want to warn him about the urinary tract infection he's likely going to get as a result of forcing lotion into his urethra. This could become very painful for him.
eerin444 5
I think that's more his problem than yours. You can get new lotion, but he'll always still have a small penis.
yousuck44 11
Has anyone thought of the song dick in a box or was it just me?
xHuey123 0
So... He got his whole wang in the bottle? FHL.
FML_14u2c 14
Lesson learned: Next time buy a lotion bottle with a smaller bottleneck!
Abby_here21 0
Thats soo funny but now im going to lock away my expensive lotion