Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer... - FML

By ugh, why - 22/11/2015 05:12 - Australia

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28738

You deserved it

2963

Tweet

Share

Compassion

British Broadcasting Corporation

Yappy neighborhood

By Kaluhaluha - 25/8/2018 13:00

Today, I came back from a 700-mile round trip. I hit a massive pothole I couldn't avoid and blew out a tire and bent my rim. I was less than a mile from my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2510

You deserved it

203

Tweet

Share

By Courtney - 7/11/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on the toilet, and then had to give my boss a valid reason for why I was late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25935

You deserved it

5185

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 16:53 - United Kingdom

Today, after returning to the UK from my Australian holiday, I was fired from my job for no reason. My boss told me he'd waited till I'd returned to do it. I could have stayed in Australia with my mates traveling for a year if I had been fired before I left. I'm sure he did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34748

You deserved it

2832

Tweet

Share

By sandiego - 22/2/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, while eating at an outdoor café, a man on the street came up to me and said, "My girlfriend is sexier than you, bitch." Thanks for the confidence boost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32688

You deserved it

2734

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/1/2012 13:20 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists, had an emotional breakdown because he was so excited that I'd cooked french fries for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17911

You deserved it

27767

Tweet

Share

By f.a.t. - 4/10/2013 08:20 - Australia

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56448

You deserved it

7750

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/12/2010 08:35 - United States

Today, I tried to fix my laptop charger by fiddling around with it using metal tweezers. Not only did I forget to unplug the cord and shocked myself, I also ended up breaking the charger completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6865

You deserved it

50818

Tweet

Share

By WeightonmyShoulders - 11/12/2015 21:10 - United States - Canandaigua

Today, I realized that I know, all too well, what it feels like to have my over-middle-age boss's boob on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19585

You deserved it

1735

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54944

You deserved it

4348

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/8/2013 07:11 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I was stretching after a group run. I noticed one of the girls was having problems balancing, so I told her that I have horrible balance too, but that it'll get better. She sneered and said she had a brain tumor when she was a kid, and that's why she has such bad balance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49200

You deserved it

6819

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/5/2011 21:20 - United States

Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34578

You deserved it

4410

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/7/2012 02:55 - United States - Covington

Today, the power went out in my area. My wife and I were bored so I lit some candles, poured some wine, and left little to her imagination about what my intent was. We cuddled a while and as I leaned in for a kiss the power came back on. She was more excited that the WiFi was back than anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28765

You deserved it

2500

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 6/9/2016 03:05 - United States - Monroe

Today, my girlfriend told me that she didn't know we were actually dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15202

You deserved it

2183

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/4/2012 04:36 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28809

You deserved it

2668

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/5/2015 14:21 - Mexico

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32022

You deserved it

2777

Tweet

Share

By Shadowfigure23 - 10/7/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I spent most of my morning comforting the guy I love because his fiancée dumped him for some other guy. He continuously told me I had no clue that kind of pain he was in. He dumped me three years ago for the girl that just left him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63353

You deserved it

9762

Tweet

Share

By GrandTheftArson - 9/3/2016 03:51 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21036

You deserved it

1540

Tweet

Share

By Anthony - 14/4/2016 23:15 - France

Today, on a train, a little boy and girl come up to me and ask how babies are made. Already pretty uncomfortable with their question, their mother suddenly appears and says, "Go on, tell them!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24025

You deserved it

1631

Tweet

Share

By kelster - 29/9/2019 06:01

Good job

Today, my roommate has a job interview. He only applied to the job yesterday. Meanwhile, I've been out of work for three weeks. I've applied to at least ten jobs. I have yet to get a call-back from any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1478

You deserved it

189

Tweet

Share

By givingup - 30/1/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35764

You deserved it

62943

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/9/2011 02:19 - Reserved

Today, after several long years, a lot of debt, and two great degrees from a top university, I had to move back in with my parents, because no matter where I look, I can't find a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38682

You deserved it

4044

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/5/2010 11:04 - Canada

Today, I shaved my legs and pits for the first time this summer. It took 3 disposable razors and an hour to get the job done. I've clearly been single for far too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16808

You deserved it

47106

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/6/2019 00:01

Today, I was friendzoned by my boyfriend due to the fact that we never fight. Apparently, if there's no fighting, there's no passion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1802

You deserved it

151

Tweet

Share

By public pooper - 25/4/2013 00:16 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33308

You deserved it

15145

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/9/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26932

You deserved it

19666

Tweet

Share

By Whywhywhy - 20/8/2017 13:01

Today, my daughter decided to draw me a heart for my birthday. Unfortunately, she drew it on the side of my car. With a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4203

You deserved it

356

Tweet

Share

By why - 5/4/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31600

You deserved it

6569

Tweet

Share

By longdrive - 25/7/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28963

You deserved it

3548

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/5/2009 17:14 - Canada

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52900

You deserved it

4378

Tweet

Share

By vsf - 2/8/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, my parents wouldn't let me go to the fair because they reckon my IQ is so low, I could quite possibly choke on cotton candy and pass out confused by the hall of mirrors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30905

You deserved it

6516

Tweet

Share

By bpruitt95 - 31/12/2013 06:46 - United States - Pitkin

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29369

You deserved it

3386

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/6/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53226

You deserved it

11731

Tweet

Share

By imobesejk - 17/7/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38082

You deserved it

2799

Tweet

Share

By MC Turtledick - 15/2/2012 01:28 - United States

Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29633

You deserved it

2148

Tweet

Share

By Robert - 27/12/2017 15:00

Today, a judge ruled against me. I filed for divorce because my wife got pregnant even though I had a vasectomy. Apparently, not informing your spouse of a vasectomy is worse than cheating in the eyes of the court. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5730

You deserved it

1283

Tweet

Share

By Fireguy92 - 1/2/2013 04:39 - United States - Dewitt

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44184

You deserved it

2551

Tweet

Share

By Sleuth - 2/9/2018 13:00

Today, I found out why my professor accused me of not handing in an important essay before the due date. Apparently she spilled coffee all over it and didn't dare to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3135

You deserved it

144

Tweet

Share

By lulu - 11/2/2012 10:19 - United States

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30157

You deserved it

4683

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/8/2013 21:30 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my mother-in-law yelled from across the house for me to come quickly. She sounded frantic, so I rushed and asked what was wrong. She said, "Nothing." and that she just wanted to remind me that she hates my guts. She'll be living here with me and my wife for the next two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51363

You deserved it

3795

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/6/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, on my way home from work, I decided to bring my pregnant wife a bouquet of roses to surprise her. Her response? "Why didn't you get me something useful, like chicken wings, instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46294

You deserved it

10756

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By katie_undead | 11

#6467650 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:28

That is actually the most disgusting thing I've heard today.

By kass_marsh | 16

#6467646 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:27

Your brother needs some help...

Comments

By kass_marsh | 16

#6467646 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:27

Your brother needs some help...

Reply

CoffeeChickBlows | 13

#6467663 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:30

You must've misread the location, OP's from Australia not Alabama.

Reply

Rawrshi | 25

#6467671 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:34

#12 - Doesn't that just mean the help would be down under? Because I feel like OP's brother has that part handled quite well actually.

Reply

Badkarma4u | 17

#6467799 - Sunday 22 November 2015 21:49

It mean they livein a country that has a lost more liberal attitude toward sex in the media and their tv ads are way more sexualized than ours. Go to youtube and seach breast cancer adds and watch the ones from europe and australia..

By Leinster | 2

#6467649 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:27

oh

By katie_undead | 11

#6467650 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:28

That is actually the most disgusting thing I've heard today.

Reply

beeferjay | 34

#6467751 - Sunday 22 November 2015 20:41

don't google blue waffles........

Reply

Girlshotdown1 | 21

#6467890 - Monday 23 November 2015 0:11

thanks #31 I need to wash my brain with that disturbing image

Reply

lunar999 | 23

#6467919 - Monday 23 November 2015 0:36

Only today?

Reply

DejaRenee | 16

#6467996 - Monday 23 November 2015 2:26

#51 he told you not to do it you rebel

Reply

ronin123958 | 7

#6468287 - Monday 23 November 2015 12:31

Um, coming from that nickname...

By roccoman79 | 8

#6467651 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:28

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By A07 | 48

#6467653 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:28

Seems like he has an unhealthy obsession with the tiddy bress.

By RinoaHeartilly | 36

#6467654 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:28

Wow! How callous.

By whatarethisss | 22

#6467655 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:28

He loves boobies! I'll see myself out now.

Reply

danimal_crackerz | 26

#6467933 - Monday 23 November 2015 1:00

Please do

By Baurusdavinci | 12

#6467657 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:29

You better not lose yours then

By allieski | 7

#6467659 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:29

That's morally disgusting...

By Darkness_Hate | 29

#6467660 - Sunday 22 November 2015 19:29

This is not the breast idea to masturbate.