Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML
Today, I found out that I'm being sued for posting on Facebook about a customer service experience with a local company. Even though we have witnesses, the owners of the store claim that we're lying about the whole thing and that we're "malicious". FML
Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML
Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML
Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML
Today, some punk tried the "flaming bag of dog poop" trick on me. I caught him in the act and smashed the unlit bag across his face. Now he's "traumatized" and wants to press charges. FML
Today, I have been victimised by a lunch thief at work for months, despite numerous complaints to management, so I exposed the thief by lacing my curry with that old classic, laxatives. Even though my coworker was caught brown-handed shitting himself, I was the one suspended for making him sick. FML
Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I brought a cupcake to school for my friend's birthday. After taking one bite, she exclaimed that it was the worst thing she had ever tasted and that we should sue the store that I bought it from. I baked it myself. FML
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Top comments
KingDead 18
Common sense; not so common
that1guyyy 12
You should really clean up your act.
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Comments (145)
that1guyyy 12
You should really clean up your act.
btstig 11
Yeah, getting real tired of your shit !
loloalltheway 23
This would meet happen in Sweden, we don't sue people so easily like Americans. No hate to them but seriously shouldn't it be OBVIOUS TO NOT EAT SOPE SERIOUSLY ...!!!
botanistjessica 24
Please, let's have an American bashing fest when it wasn't actually brought up or referenced. Because that makes your countries look so much better...
cblock94 7
Wow. That pun went right over your heads.
travtxson 5
Well in #63's defense he is an ignorant teen who can't even spell soap correctly and who's only knowledge about the U.S. is probably thru T.V....yeah it's safe to say it went right over his head. But since his comment didn't even follow the original I'm sure he just wanted his ignorance to be seen.
loloalltheway 23
83- not ignorance, opinion. But yes it's true, I've never been to America but from what I hear there is a lot of suing going on.
maosquare 18
People, let's not turn this into more of a soap opera than it already is.
not_a_robot 15
95, that comment just blurts out ignorance, "yeah, I've never been there but from what I HEAR I would not want to". That is ignorant. And so is your opinion.
knoxxx 22
Oh yeah 95, here in America we usually sue some one when they give us the wrong look. Each conversation alone leads to about three lawsuits! What kind of TV shows are you watching, kid? Law and Order?
bamagrl410 31
Why is it that an occasional lawsuit due to someone's incredible stupidity makes news and suddenly EVERY American loves to sue people and we do it all the time? What? Does anyone realize there's over 300 million people here? You can't possibly really and truly believe that the actions of a few constitute the actions of an entire country.
KingDead 18
Common sense; not so common
Brandonep 13
My idea is we just take warning labels off of common everyday items and just let the idiots kill themselves off. If you don't know that you shouldn't stick a fork in the toaster, that coffee is hot, or that you shouldn't eat soap, I don't want you reproducing.
countryrose92 23
Damn straight. Make suing for stupidity illegal
NoFlippinWai 24
death penalty.
NoFlippinWai 24
I may have spelled that wrong. be nice grammer nazis
RpiesSPIES 27
The sad thing is that people would take this as means for making easy money. An example is the woman whom spilled hot coffee on herself, resulting in 3rd degree burns, then sued McDonalds (and won) because there was no label displaying the coffee was hot.
blackpuddle 30
The mcdonalds coffee thing wasn't because there was no label. It was because McDonalds made their coffee so ******* hot that she needed skin grafts on her legs and crotch. She won because McDonalds was brewing their coffee a lot hotter than they should have been and the media blew the whole thing way out of proportion and made it into a big joke, but of course never touched on the actual issue. Gotta love our media.
reaxion 25
Coffee is hot. Ice is cold. Fire is hot. Acid is caustic. A sledgehammer smashes things. 220 and 110 volts burn or hurt. Stupidity is no excuse for a lawyer looking to win a case.
bfsd42 20
Hot coffee in a paper cup between your legs while driving is stupidity no matter how hot the coffee is.
Kkkdawg 27
#61 I wish I could thumb you up a thousand times.
threer 30
She wasn't driving. The car was parked. Her lawsuit wasn't stupidity, you assholes. Maybe it wasn't smart to put it between her legs, but the lawsuit was necessary.
Attaru 8
So did he get arrested for wasting their time?
AbstraktThoughts 13
If officers arrested every single person who wasted their time, I assure you the jails would be more overcrowded than now.
zandalee 20
If its that delicious chocolate smelling soap then I'm really not that surprised. I love that stuff! Every time I use it, I get hungry. ;)
BlackBlazeCobra 16
It makes me wonder why he didn't stop eating it after the first bite.
Kruiser 16
My faith in humanity just took a huge turn for the worst
whostolemylama 12
Maybe he thought the product would taste better after every bite
rttr 18
Why the hell would you eat soap? That guy is an idiot
capslockisgood 19
So you can sue someone. Its a common profession in USA.
dav3800 7
'murrica.
xKingSquirrelx 2
Totally read that in Stewie's voice.
VeganVampyre 27
It must've been Lush soap. They look and smell great, and are made with 100% organic, natural, and usually edible ingredients. But you still shouldn't eat them. Just because your soap is made with chocolate and honey doesn't make it a good dessert.
dinosxxrawr 22
how does a grown ass man not know not to eat soap?
anonymousguy1569_fml_fml 8
It seems that common sense is so rare, it could be considered a superpower...
supportcommand 17
It's pretty simple why he would eat soap. Two possibilities. A- looking for an excuse to try and sue. B- he's a total moron. Both are very real possibilities. Op is from the U.S. stupidity runs rampant over there.
hugsandisses 6
42, with that last sentence you added, you sound just as ignorant and foolish as the man who decided to eat the soap.
junkman6 22
49 - I've never heard of a company getting sued for having hot coffee anywhere else but in the US. Sue happy morons are definitely rampant here, and that's because our legal system is a joke that allows these people to thrive.
supportcommand 17
It seems as though I've offended some people. So sue me!
Catkam623 27
Not to mention that here in the United Stated of America, we have around 400 million people and it spans four time zones. Probability alone states we're gonna have some dumbasses
Sandman366 6
I am from the US and agree with 42-stupidity runs rampant over here.
Rodville 28
The hotter the coffee is the better it tastes. So McDonald's bought the cheapest coffee they could find and cranked up the heat so high that it could have been lethal to a child. This case was meant to point that out but the McDonald's corp spun it in the media as a joke to keep the real issue off the news.
LovesSushi 25
Not surprised. I bet he didn't even eat the soap, he just is trying to get rich quick.
xeka 10
First wrong thing done here: Police.
VeganVampyre 27
No. First thing done wrong was that dumbass thinking soap was edible.
lishajoy777 14
This Fml is just bubbling with stupidity (as is this comment)
NickaPLZ 26
Then why did you comment?
gc327072 31
Oh mods, I love y'all.