Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML
Today, I found out that I'm being sued for posting on Facebook about a customer service experience with a local company. Even though we have witnesses, the owners of the store claim that we're lying about the whole thing and that we're "malicious". FML
Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML
Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML
Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML
Today, some punk tried the "flaming bag of dog poop" trick on me. I caught him in the act and smashed the unlit bag across his face. Now he's "traumatized" and wants to press charges. FML
Today, I have been victimised by a lunch thief at work for months, despite numerous complaints to management, so I exposed the thief by lacing my curry with that old classic, laxatives. Even though my coworker was caught brown-handed shitting himself, I was the one suspended for making him sick. FML
Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I brought a cupcake to school for my friend's birthday. After taking one bite, she exclaimed that it was the worst thing she had ever tasted and that we should sue the store that I bought it from. I baked it myself. FML
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Top comments
KingDead 18
Common sense; not so common
that1guyyy 12
You should really clean up your act.
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Comments (145)
Cysioland 8
America, the country of lawsuits.
realist101 3
'Merica **** yeah!
MissHero 0
Hey, the same thing happen to my dad. These people tried sueing him cuz their child strangled themself on a mini blind cord and after their child had died 4 or so years later they tried sueing my dad. Now he has to put warning lables on the cords. People SMH
Enslaved 38
Your comment made me sad for those parents. I'm sure those warnings have saved others from making the same dreadful mistake.
CharresBarkrey 16
This happens far too often. A friend of mine's daughter got tangled in a blind cord and died. If it's this big of an issue, maybe it IS a problem with a lack of manufacturer's warning.
Faff 20
Accidents happen. I don't think a warning label could have prevented that.
littlekellilee 45
Exactly. I don't think the child would read the label and go "oops! Can't get tangled accidentally in this!" Most, if not all, of those kids can't read. It was just an accident. Now that there have been problems with them, likely people are moving them so they're safer anyway.
MrsDarcy_fml 3
67 - While the child would not read the warning, hopefully the parents would, and would keep the cord out of the child's reach.
Enslaved 38
I bet to differ. Learning about the dangers of those cords will warn some parents (who read them) that--hmmm maybe their baby's cribs shouldn't go near a window. I'm sure even these comments will open a few eyes and some will realize that windows shouldn't be over looked when baby proofing you home.
crazytwinsmom 25
It should be common sense though, as with most baby proofing.
littlekellilee 45
If people can't figure out that long cords attached to the roof may choke children, they probably aren't smart enough to read warning labels. Its common sense to keep them out of the way.
SweetasCandy0609 28
lmao now company's have to put not non edible on their label's just so idiot's don't try to sue them.
etoilenuit 15
Was it strawberry shortcake flavored? ... This makes me hungry.. Where do you sell your soaps?
kriemhild 2
It's actually the law in the UK at least that if a cosmetic product resembles food you have to put DO NOT EAT in at least 9pt font to be legally able to sell it without getting sued by morons.
clevercake 21
maybe you should have your customers do IQ tests before they're allowed to buy anything and limit sales to only those who score a minimum of average. "You must be at least this smart to buy this soap"
laden_swallow09 35
Then they'd be sued for discrimination. Saddening, to say the least.
clevercake 21
If they don't score at least an average I doubt they'd know what 'discrimination' means - I think OP would be safe
lovealwayssam 14
The sad part is, if you didn't put "do not eat" on the label he could sue you and win. He claims stupidity and your company looses thousands, even millions. 'Murica
laden_swallow09 35
*the label, he could *loses thousands
keepcalmandbacon 16
Sadly enough, this perfectly embodies the stupidity that many other countries see Americans as having. And the whole "suing for food poisoning" thing doesn't help with the lawsuit culture stereotype.
xgetxbentx 13
Actually, the urge to eat soap can be a medical disorder called PICA, people will crave things like paper, soap, chalk, dirt, or ice. Sometimes various other items. Generally, it's found in pregnant women, but it can also go in hand with other mental disorders. So, while soap shouldn't NEED a "do not eat" label since it seems like common sense, there are reasons it can happen. Though since PICA is pretty rare, I'm going with drugs. Fyl.
junkman6 22
I always thought PICA was an animal only thing.... Had a cat that had it.
Epikouros 32
Pregnancy is not a mental disorder, you dirty misogynist!