Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML
Today, I found out that I'm being sued for posting on Facebook about a customer service experience with a local company. Even though we have witnesses, the owners of the store claim that we're lying about the whole thing and that we're "malicious". FML
Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML
Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML
Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML
Today, some punk tried the "flaming bag of dog poop" trick on me. I caught him in the act and smashed the unlit bag across his face. Now he's "traumatized" and wants to press charges. FML
Today, I have been victimised by a lunch thief at work for months, despite numerous complaints to management, so I exposed the thief by lacing my curry with that old classic, laxatives. Even though my coworker was caught brown-handed shitting himself, I was the one suspended for making him sick. FML
Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I brought a cupcake to school for my friend's birthday. After taking one bite, she exclaimed that it was the worst thing she had ever tasted and that we should sue the store that I bought it from. I baked it myself. FML
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Top comments
KingDead 18
Common sense; not so common
that1guyyy 12
You should really clean up your act.
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Comments (145)
Faff 20
'murica!!
OlgaCornmuffin 7
**** yeah! we're here to eat mother f***** soap, yeah!
MyCommentsSuck 21
The sad part is with all the frivolous lawsuits lately("I spilled this coffee on me, and it burned") the guy will prolly not only get away with suing your company, but win.
acerima 11
Is this what the world has come to? Having to tell idiots not to eat soap or that coffee is hot! Next thing you know they will have to put labels on sugar saying "this will make you a fat ass!"
AHappyGoth 14
Was it bacon soap? Also, your grammar is ******* terrible, bro.
OlgaCornmuffin 7
he heard eating bath salts was uncool. he figured he'd give soap a try. He would say it tasted good, but that would be a LYE! lmao.
Matticus5000 5
That reminds me of the woman who sued McDonald's when she scalded her mouth for chugging piping hot coffee when the cup did not say "caution, contents are hot." You have to prepare for the unexpected, there are a lot of stupid and ignorant people out there.
cristy91 33
You do realize she received third degree burns and required skin grafts, right? This has been quoted countless times during this fml comments section, but if people would look into the case they'd see it isn't just a woman who burnt her lip and got a red mark or had a sting from coffee spilling on her lap, these were serious injuries.
Ray_of_midnight 23
The case is "Liebeck v. McDonald's", for anyone who wants to look it up.
Zommie 2
It sounds stupid, but people have been sued for dumber shit. FYL
james9120 7
Make sure you put "May irritate eyes" etc
buddy51 23
OP- Cops are trained to find fault with both people when some idiot has called them because a soap-bubble blowing cleanser eating moron is "disturbing the peace".... Handle these situations yourself unless you want the cops to blame both of you for interrupting their days doing important stuff to deal with crap like this. Tell him the soap may have made him sick but that's the cleansing wonder of your product detoxing his insides from all the macdonalds food and crack he's been consuming....
karmicsamadi86 9
This is clearly a sign that the world is filled with way too many stupid people. Common sense no longer exists. The mere fact that a coffee cup has to have a warning and now apparently so does soap, is a clear indicator that they are dominating our culture.