Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML
Today, I found out that I'm being sued for posting on Facebook about a customer service experience with a local company. Even though we have witnesses, the owners of the store claim that we're lying about the whole thing and that we're "malicious". FML
Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML
Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML
Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML
Today, some punk tried the "flaming bag of dog poop" trick on me. I caught him in the act and smashed the unlit bag across his face. Now he's "traumatized" and wants to press charges. FML
Today, I have been victimised by a lunch thief at work for months, despite numerous complaints to management, so I exposed the thief by lacing my curry with that old classic, laxatives. Even though my coworker was caught brown-handed shitting himself, I was the one suspended for making him sick. FML
Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I brought a cupcake to school for my friend's birthday. After taking one bite, she exclaimed that it was the worst thing she had ever tasted and that we should sue the store that I bought it from. I baked it myself. FML
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Top comments
KingDead 18
Common sense; not so common
that1guyyy 12
You should really clean up your act.
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Comments (145)
bubble_burst 16
That would make sense if you had "flavoured" soaps and by that I mean scented. A LOT of idiots out there would think just because your soap smells like apple, it is made up of apple. I'm actually surprised no one has tried to eat an iPhone and sue apple for selling inedible products ;-)
MDTeddy 13
Another fml involving people who are ******* dumb. Common sense is soap is not food. WTF is wrong with people?
girl112791 2
You just know something is VERY wrong with the people around you when you have to label soap as "not-edible."
yourlifesucksHA 14
Yo wtf the cops are more idiots than the guy who ate the soap. Put a label on it?!? ******* imbecile!!
Plasmalaser 11
"Murica
a_maelstrom 7
Sounds like a joke to me, not worthy of FML. Someone call the cops this op wasted our time
naiveprophet 15
My cousin makes soaps that actually look exactly like desserts. She brought them to a family reunion once and my boyfriend and I almost ate them... :D
someguy314159265 15
Do NOT put that label on. I am a firm believer in Darwinism.
HannahBee1017 9
YDI for calling the police who have real work to do.
wisdomania 3
where's your store in MA, I live in boston and would like to come and get some delicious soap