Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML
Today, I found out that I'm being sued for posting on Facebook about a customer service experience with a local company. Even though we have witnesses, the owners of the store claim that we're lying about the whole thing and that we're "malicious". FML
Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML
Today, tired of people letting their dogs crap in my yard, I sprinkled an assortment of crushed peppers around my lawn as a deterrent. One dog went to do its business and had some sort of allergic reaction. Now its bitchy owner is threatening to sue me, and tried to have her daughter kick my ass. FML
Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML
Today, some punk tried the "flaming bag of dog poop" trick on me. I caught him in the act and smashed the unlit bag across his face. Now he's "traumatized" and wants to press charges. FML
Today, I have been victimised by a lunch thief at work for months, despite numerous complaints to management, so I exposed the thief by lacing my curry with that old classic, laxatives. Even though my coworker was caught brown-handed shitting himself, I was the one suspended for making him sick. FML
Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I brought a cupcake to school for my friend's birthday. After taking one bite, she exclaimed that it was the worst thing she had ever tasted and that we should sue the store that I bought it from. I baked it myself. FML
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Top comments
KingDead 18
Common sense; not so common
that1guyyy 12
You should really clean up your act.
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Comments (145)
sneeze_watch 19
Soap isn't food. How exactly is it "food poisoning" if what he ate isn't food? Also who the **** doesn't know that eating soap will give you the *****?
blankjack 6
Welcome to the USA :)
Mandie56 4
Soap...."Not Edible" Ummmm no kidding. I mean, when was the last time that YOU ate soap. That ANY of us ate soap. I mean, once when I was little I tried to brush my TEETH with soap, but I didn't try to EAT it.... Really...REALLY???? People are so dumb....
MissB_1990 4
Good old 'natural selection'... But seriously. Who the **** doesn't know NOT to eat soap?! Seriously!
LegendofZelda88 8
this is the world today...
csdelab 5
This is why all the stupid laws
csi_fml 19
That guy is smoking that dope
Omniprism 15
Wow. Sometimes I am so amazed at the idiocy of the world that I barely have words to express it.
The_F3rris 11
You're not supposed to eat soap? Who knew?
skyeyez9 25
I have a friend who makes soap. Some of them smell good enough to eat (pumpkin pie spice scent and the apple one). But you have to be a retard to eat them. He was prob lying and trying to extort money out of you.