Relatable

Can't win

By Nick - 01/11/2021 22:59 - New Zealand

Today, I learned that in a battle to not be dehydrated, I achieved something called overhydration. The symptoms of which are similar to being dehydrated. After emptying my body of what has felt like every fluid I’ve ingested ever, I'm now back at square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 295

RIP in peace

By Jill - 01/11/2021 11:00 - United States - Fredonia

Today, I found out that my favorite aunt passed away. The funeral was last Thursday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 100

Infantilizing

By this is why! - 31/10/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, my wife is angry with me for lying to her and “treating her like a child”. Knowing how long it takes her to get ready, I told her an event we were attending started an hour and a half before it really did. Even with the extra time, we barely made it. She still thinks I’m wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 125

Caught in 404p

By bgierczak2 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my wallet was stolen from my purse at work. When I asked my boss to pull the security tape so we could identify the thief, he said, "I don't think I want to know who it is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 828

You deserved it 1 784

No rest

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 11:00

Today, I'd booked a day off work so I could sit and read books all day. I told my wife this, and her response was basically, "Well since you're at home not doing anything important, here’s a list of jobs that need doing." I wasn’t aware enjoying reading counted as doing nothing important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 366

Monster Mash

By John - 30/10/2021 05:00

Today, I realized I'm a failure as a man. It's been 17 years since a woman even touched me. I grew up fatherless, have completely lost hope for any chance of a wife or kids. I'm 35 and never been in a relationship. I'm a complete failure because of all this, and have become a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 391

S❤️ed

By andinpublictoo - 29/10/2021 22:59

Today, and for the first time in my life, I was unable to trust a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 228

Treat yourself

By dll - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had a bubble bath to help me relax. I was more stressed out by the sound of all the bubbles popping than I was to begin with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 374

You deserved it 9 136

Smash face

By Tori - 29/10/2021 11:01

Today, I remembered to show some customers at work photos of my cat that I had taken recently, and they love my "flat face" cat. All good, until I scrolled to a whole body nude I had taken to send to my boyfriend. I showed it to an entire family during my breakfast rush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 2 084

Ghost

By Braden - 28/10/2021 17:00

Today, I texted the guy I went out with last night. He'd told me he’d text me when he got home, but he never did. Cracking a joke, I asked him if he was homeless or something, since he broke his word. He replied, “No, I’m just not that into you. Have a nice life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 510

Stand up for capitalism!

By Anonymous - 28/10/2021 05:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I started my new job. They let me go after literally one shift. Why? Because I asked if I could use a stool occasionally, since I have rods in my back from major surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 127

**** those dudes

By Tia - 27/10/2021 17:00

Today, my Tinder date said it wasn’t gonna work, all because, I “need to lose some extra pounds.” Last week, I'd had another Tinder date and he told me he’d continue seeing me if I dropped at least 30 pounds. I think I get the hint now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 437

Belly bounce

By Anonymous - 27/10/2021 11:00 - United States - Verona

Today, I learned that a innie belly button does not clean itself. I can't begin to describe the horrors I found, after using tweezers to get thirty years worth of "contents" out from inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 1 519

Not everyone's cup of tea

By Anonymous - 26/10/2021 20:00

Today, I’ve noticed that my boyfriend gets progressively more short-tempered and grumpy as time goes on, until we get to the Friday before we drop my kids off at their dad's house, then for that weekend he’s downright happy, until we have to pick them up Sunday night then he starts getting grumpy again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 689

Words is hard

By kate - 26/10/2021 02:00

Today, my seven year-old daughter called me a weirdo. When I yelled and grounded her, she cried and said she thought “weirdo” was a compliment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 1 684

My FP

By Anonymous - 25/10/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, it's been a week since the last time I talked to the person I care about the most. We've been fighting for 2 months and he hasn't even opened the last message I sent him. I went completely radio silent as part of a bet, because others are convinced that he'll miss me. I don't think he's noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 1 197

Sex ed failed some of y'all

By jaya - 25/10/2021 05:00

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 219

Facebook Science

By Anonymous - 24/10/2021 23:00

Today, someone who lives off the government stated that all I do as a front line nurse is wipe arses, and that I know nothing about Covid because I'm not a doctor. He refuses to get the vaccine as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 201

Old-timey expressions

By sexualpopcorn - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Diego

Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said, "See ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I was calling her ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 415

You deserved it 4 490

Are you? Are you really?

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 05:01

Today, a friend from our circle group told me that my behavior of responding to her stories with another related story of mine was annoying. I'm was sorry about that and decided to introspect and not show up in our group chat for a while. Then I realized I'm a toxic person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 525

Blow it

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 01:59

Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 748

Go to drunk, you're sleep

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 05:00 - New Zealand - Nelson

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend, who was half asleep at 3 am, saying he was yelling my name because he needed toilet paper. We don’t even live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 124

Lazybones

By ProjectDude - 20/10/2021 23:00 - United States

Today, a group project for work was due. I honestly forgot about it and edited some words to make it seem like I worked on it. Did you know that Google Docs spreadsheet can track not only the changes made, but who made the changes? My colleagues were pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 2 284

Spooky Season

By Vladislav - 20/10/2021 11:00

Today, my best friend and I watched the "OK Google" horror short film. It's about a ghost that controls a Google Home device. Right after the short ended, my Google Nest Mini came off the wall and stopped reacting. Neither of us was near it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 170

Renegade neighbor

By Fuck you, Yolanda! - 20/10/2021 05:00

Today, I have an egregious delinquent neighbor. She is always using internet and electrical services illegally, but is always getting packages from Amazon. Her packages are always left at my place, as she is so afraid of tax collectors, she won't open the door. She gave my billing address without my consent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 284

You deserved it 140

Get away from me

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, my mother snapped and took her frustrations out on me. Whenever she has a problem with other family members, it falls on me because she can't show them her true face to them. And she wonders why I hide away all the time… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 109

Rising Damp

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 02:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, while I was asleep, my three-year-old cousin wet the bed again. MY bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 115

Mr Popular

By Loner - 18/10/2021 23:00

Today, I threw a goodbye party because I'm going to live to Chile soon. Nobody came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 140

Random Access Memories

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 17:00

Today, I learned the horrifying implications of my memory not being what it used to be when I bought a tasty-looking chocolate bar, only to realize upon taking a bite that I'd bought one before and not liked it one bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 300

Quality family time

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 08:00 - United States - Verona

Today, I made a nice dinner for my relatives, as we share the same quarters for lockdown. For an hour, I had to hear the same old complaints about other relatives for the last ten years that I have been hearing about every day since lockdown. I wanted to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 115

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I overheard my parents having sex. Trying to be the reasonable person I am, I dismissed it, realizing that sex is just normal. I quickly walked past their room when my cat ran past me into their room, cracking open the door. Now my parents think I was peeping and need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 846

You deserved it 5 343

Today, the father of one of my music students asked me out to dinner via my work e-mail. I thought it was kind of sweet, albeit a little strange, until I got his daughter's instrument rental check, with both his and his wife's name printed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 042

You deserved it 637

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents I think I'm suffering from schizophrenia. They refused to discuss it after telling me, "It's all in my head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 641

You deserved it 139

Today, is the day I got my first tattoo. It's also the day where my mom screamed at me, gave me the silent treatment, and kicked me out of the house. Apparently I’m not considered her daughter anymore, because my skin is “damaged” now. I don’t have other family anywhere, and I have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 581

Today, the device I bought to gradually stretch my penis longer arrived in the mail. I'm too small to get it to stay on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 592

Today, I spent a good 30 seconds licking my husbands' penis all over before I drew back his foreskin to really start going to town on it, only to discover that under the head was covered in his stinking knob cheese. I threw up three times. He’s an adult man and can’t wash himself properly. Pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 241