Today, I took my girlfriend of nearly 2 years out to dinner so I could propose. When the waiter brought the check, I caused a bit of a scene to get everyone's attention. When I got on my knee and proposed, she said no and asked if I could hurry up and pay, because she was embarrassed. FML
Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML
Today, it was the second anniversary of the day I met my girlfriend. I had to go to work, but I set an engagement ring and a letter on my pillow for when she woke up, and left breakfast for her on the counter. When I got home, she and all of her things were gone. FML
Today, my husband decided he would rather rage-wank to my mum's Facebook profile picture than make love to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she feels pregnant. I didn't believe her, given how recently we had sex for the first time, so I told her to take a test to make sure. She's very sure now. FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 2 months got upset and frustrated with me because he had yet to meet my mom. I'd told him on our first date that she passed away 4 years ago. FML
Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 2 months broke up with me after finding out that I reload my own shotgun shells and I shoot competitively. His reasoning? He didn't want to date a "cheap and dangerous woman." Seriously? FML
kiss98367 tells us more.
Haha, thanks for the support everyone. To add to my FML story, my ex knew by our third date that I go shooting. I found out from our mutual friend that he didn't think I was "cheap and dangerous" until his ex before me (at a party where I was unable to attend) started talking trash when she overheard him telling a couple of buddies that I shoot targets and reload my own shells. I'm 22, I have a full time job, and I have my own 2 bd apartment and a truck payment (among other bills). If I can save a little money, I will. Traveling for competitions and entry fees can get expensive. The thing that makes me laugh is his ex is my age, works about 15 hours a week, and has all her bills paid by her parents (she doesn't go to school or anything either). She uses the cash she earns to buy expensive clothing and what not (which according to her, I could "never afford"). Sorry I have different priorities in my life? Lol. As an update, two of my ex's friends (and yes, this includes his best friend) have asked me out since our breakup. My ex also sent a txt to me this morning saying that he messed up. I guess his friends talked some sense in to him. It's too late though. Goes to show that you probably shouldn't take advice from a jealous ex girlfriend. Just saying.
Today, my boyfriend and I talked about our past relationships. He said he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was "too smart" for him, and that he felt better being with someone who "doesn't have too many lights on upstairs, if you know what I mean." FML
Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML
Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML
Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML
Today, my sister sent me countless pictures of my boyfriend making out with different girls at a bar. His excuse? Photoshop. FML
Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML
Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML
Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "Does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML
Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML
lsababy tells us more.
lsababy 10
I agree, I probably I deserved it for making him go, but we've been dating for a year and a half and I figured it was way passed time. Haha! It was extremely awkward and my boyfriend I were both beet red in the face, but luckily my parents are awesome and know he was super nervous, so they just kinda changed the subject and pretended that was never said. My brother high fived him. And yes.. more like F his life.
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We'd been talking about the move where you pick a girl up and kiss, and how romantic that would be, so we decided to try it. When he picked me up, my head slammed against his ceiling fan. FML
haleyart tells us more.
haleyart 15
Hey everyone! Op here! I just wanted to thank the FML staff for posting this and everyone for your very funny comments. To clear things up... No my (now ex) boyfriend is not a midget, he's in fact a giant, I'm the short one. We were going to try it later OUTSIDE but he surprised me by picking me up in his house. No the ceiling fan was not on, thankfully. We had a great laugh about it afterwards and I wasn't mad at him. We actually joked how it was perfect for a romantic comedy. Sorry for answering so late, I JUST got my account verified. Hope this clarifies some things :)
Today, my mom walked into the bathroom while I was taking a pic to send to my long-distance boyfriend. She then told me I would go to hell for flaunting myself at guys. I was fully clothed, sending a pic to see if he liked my new haircut. That and I'm 21. FML
Today, days after I broke up with my girlfriend, my dad tried to make her feel better by inviting her to our family BBQ next weekend. FML
Today, my fiancée told me that she wants us to have an open marriage. She reasons that since she doesn't equate sex with love, there's no logical reason for me to be against her having sex with other people. FML
ApparentlyNotEno tells us more.
Today, I got the bill for the flowers my husband arranged to be delivered to me while he's out of town next week. I also got the bill for the flowers he's sending to the floozy he'll be seeing next week while he's out of town. The gift tag for it was: "I can't wait to see you." FML
Today, my boyfriend lost his temper with me and complained that my "constant" apologies for upsetting him drive him insane, and without thinking, I said I was sorry. He hung up and I haven't heard from him since. FML
cupcakechick tells us more.
cupcakechick 17
hey guys, OP here, my bf is an amazingly great guy, and he cares about me very much, and Its just I have low self esteem, so even if I bump into him, ill apologize over and over again, and it bugs him because im always beating my self up, we have great communication, so later that day he called me back and apologized for being rude, im the luckiest girl alive to have a bf like mine :)
Today, on the drive to church, I got a nosebleed. Not so bad, until I sneezed and splattered myself and my fiancé with blood, snot, and eventually tears. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not remembering our anniversary. Our three week anniversary. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years, whom I supported through the death of his father, and whose invalid mother I also took care of, suddenly dumped me. The fact that I've put on a little weight due to recent stress disgusts him, and he "can't date a chubster". FML
songbird062 tells us more.
Hi guys! (Sort of) OP here. This isn't actually exactly what happened, because someone copied my original FML, altered it slightly and the resubmitted it as their own. When I say "altered it slightly", I mean they changed 18 months to two years, and left out the part about his brother dying as well, apart from that, it's basically word for word identical. It was credited to me after I noticed and reported it. He did say that he'd be willing to reconsider after some time apart, but I sure as hell am not going back there again. And for those who are asking about my weight, I gained 2kg, or approximately 4 pounds for our friends using imperial measurements. I'm around 70kg (150 pounds), which, for my height of 5 foot 9, is perfectly healthy. So no, I am not at all obese.
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