Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
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By
lilbeast0327
| 3
wow u must really suck
By
alex1432
| 9
Well try using more than just your hands??
COMMENTS
By
technicolourain1
| 0
hahahahahaahahahaaha
Reply
futtbuck101
| 1
He can do it himself. He doesn't need help
Reply
shannonreneee
| 11
Dear God, you'd wanna hope that you give killer blow jobs
Reply
i_love_grrr
| 0
i agree. he should be glad she tried
Reply
maloriewatson
| 3
u all can't take a laugh.. :/
Reply
DudeImBetter
| 0
He's really old or you're just plain horrible at turning guys on, probably both.
Reply
YacL
| 15
ED? I doubt it, that's not what it sounds like anyway. OP worded it to make it sound more like she was bad at it.
Reply
sweetcheeksjvl
| 0
he was hoping for a blowjob?
Reply
Daerauko
| 0
lol give the girl a break. it's her first time jerkin it.
hand jobs kinda suck anyway. lol a dude can jerk it himself; why does he need his chick to do that? she has many other better things she can do. OP stick to various forms of sex. your boyfriend will thank you.
hand jobs kinda suck anyway. lol a dude can jerk it himself; why does he need his chick to do that? she has many other better things she can do. OP stick to various forms of sex. your boyfriend will thank you.
Reply
Xx_Dakota_xX
| 1
I agree with whoever said blow jobs. Or she could of hand job it like her life depended on it ;)...in call of duty terms some 'rapid fire' wouldved been nice to him lol
Reply
DynamicDave
| 11
Anybody who bitches about how lame handjobs are has never had a really good one!
Reply
FreckledGirl101
| 6
Haha, it really isn't hard. "It's like getting ketchup out of a bottle..."
Reply
iluvhobos
| 5
#126-did you draw your picture?
because it sucks balls.
because it sucks balls.
Reply
Xx_Dakota_xX
| 1
This a lil late but another call of duty term would be u using slight of hands with some steady aim ;)
Reply
spencerchu
| 0
126 dnt mind 223 shes just a troll if u didnt draw it its still cool but if u did draw it then i wosh i could draw like u :)
Reply
KkoolAid
| 0
ha I bet u couldn't even draw that
Reply
kateinurarms
| 13
or how about he respects her and doesn't make her do sexual stuff before marriage -_- this world has gone to hell.
Reply
caaklove
| 0
exactly what I was going to say.
Reply
YacL
| 15
I remember her, she commented on my picture before. She said it scared the shit out of her. I really don't care about what she has to say, but no, I didn't draw it.
Reply
KaintukeeBob
| 13
OP, please understand: the penis is very similar to your vagina in at least one way: it's very hard to truly pleasure it unless you know what you're doing.
The penis is best stimulated by a warm, engulfing, tight environment which provides limited friction. The vagina is the best example. Anal and oral sex both closely simulate this (unless it's a really bad blow job).
A hand job is different. You can't simply sit there and move your hand - there's not enough surface contact and too much friction. You can't stimulate the whole thing at once, and if you're squeezing tightly enough to stimulate the right spots, you're likely squeezing too hard.
Ask your boyfriend to show you how he does it. Use lube. Ask him what feels best. Talk to him while you stroke him. In short, communicate! If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well - remember this and change your technique to match his reactions.
Don't just grab hold and pull, but don't treat it like it's about to fall off, either. Start gently, almost tenderly, and get both firmer and faster as you go.
Use lube. Lots of lube. Nothing feels worse than an indian burn on your cock.
The penis is best stimulated by a warm, engulfing, tight environment which provides limited friction. The vagina is the best example. Anal and oral sex both closely simulate this (unless it's a really bad blow job).
A hand job is different. You can't simply sit there and move your hand - there's not enough surface contact and too much friction. You can't stimulate the whole thing at once, and if you're squeezing tightly enough to stimulate the right spots, you're likely squeezing too hard.
Ask your boyfriend to show you how he does it. Use lube. Ask him what feels best. Talk to him while you stroke him. In short, communicate! If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well - remember this and change your technique to match his reactions.
Don't just grab hold and pull, but don't treat it like it's about to fall off, either. Start gently, almost tenderly, and get both firmer and faster as you go.
Use lube. Lots of lube. Nothing feels worse than an indian burn on your cock.
Reply
mcxhunni
| 0
#280 wtf? O.o
Reply
Xx_Dakota_xX
| 1
very discripted lol
Reply
Flocka_23
| 14
She must be horrible at that
Reply
ChaCerCam
| 14
you've submitted 12 FML's that's a shit ton.
By
lilbeast0327
| 3
wow u must really suck
Reply
iluvhobos
| 5
no, because if she had sucked she would have actually got him off!
Reply
xxlauruh
| 0
ew
Reply
rogerover
| 19
your boyfriend is bummin big time if that's how you feel about blowjobs. So sad
Reply
gofferurself
| 10
OP is talking about a hand job, not a bj. There is a difference
Reply
Mindtrap
| 0
right? I mean it doesn't take a lot to get a guy going...
Reply
xxlauruh
| 0
no I just pictured 22 giving one.. unfortunately.
Reply
JacksonCampbell
| 9
116 I just pictured you not giving one.
Reply
xxlauruh
| 0
mmmmm
Reply
AlwaySunny
| 0
I'd tap 22... in a good way
Reply
DoubleEdgedBlade
| 4
116, I don't know about you, but 22 is quite attractive.
Reply
eyepuppy
| 31
damn, I hate kids.
Reply
thatonename
| 7
I hate to bring this up but her info says she's sixteen. let's not picture the kiddies giving blow jobs, okay?
Reply
shaaayyee
| 0
195. Um, what? There are 14 year olds that have gotten pregnant. Where have you been?
Reply
thatonename
| 7
198. just because it happens makes it alright? ya know, I think I'll go out and kill a few hookers tonight. it happens, so there's nothing wrong with it right? my god you are an ignorant little piece of s***. just please stop talking.
Reply
thegreat1_one
| 0
lol. Shes 15 tho
Reply
iluvhobos
| 5
My god guys..
Reply
WhiteDelight
| 4
15 is the new 20! I'd tap that shit
Reply
forestqueenie
| 0
dude she's a minor
Reply
iluvhobos
| 5
and kids hate you, 160, for trying to lure them in with promises of puppies, and candy.
Reply
xxlauruh
| 0
233 you look like the biggest douche.
Reply
anlhawks
| 5
233 is hot I think
and you sound like a fuckin ass who sits on the couch all day with no friends
and you sound like a fuckin ass who sits on the couch all day with no friends
Reply
xxlauruh
| 0
ew
By
alex1432
| 9
Well try using more than just your hands??
Reply
copycat148
| 0
Her foot?
Reply
jakezanerd
| 0
no, you ass, he means her pussy
Reply
GloriousWhorious
| 6
Her ass would work, too.
Reply
Shafreeka
| 8
Her mouth is most convenient.
Reply
eenkoekje
| 4
lmao i think everything was covered
Reply
agaba
| 0
no u forgot her tits
Reply
mattfim
| 0
also..ears
Reply
manMadeFAIL
| 7
Too many negative votes, comment buried.
Show the comment
Reply
xxlauruh
| 0
you're definitely 11
Reply
kkmwong
| 11
lolllllll
Reply
spazmattic
| 0
pikachu, I choose you?
Reply
spencerchu
| 0
how about nose???
Reply
maz255
| 10
213 win
Reply
jaint
| 0
giggdy ;D
By
GuessWhatKids
| 13
Too many negative votes, comment buried.
Show the comment
Reply
VenomSiphon
| 13
That's pretty clever sir. I guess I have to give you...
*takes off glasses*
A hand...
YEAYYUHHH
*takes off glasses*
A hand...
YEAYYUHHH
Reply
illmatic2
| 16
I gotta hand it to you, that was clever. Good job.
Reply
jissette
| 0
daaaaaang...!!!BURRRN...!!! Lol
Reply
jeremey602
| 0
that's fucking hilarious
Reply
applesdontpee
| 3
wow, i don't think i can HANDle how awesome that comment was! that deserves not only a thumb, but 5 fingers! you really nailed that pun!
but i'm not being sarcastic. i enjoy a good pun :D
but i'm not being sarcastic. i enjoy a good pun :D
Reply
illmatic2
| 16
Anyone who doesn't like puns deserves to be PUNched in the face.
Reply
jamjelly386
| 5
haha nice one 8
Reply
jamjelly386
| 5
haha nice one 8
Reply
hilariexcore
| 0
How do you know her whole body can't do it? She was just giving a handjob.
Reply
DoubleEdgedBlade
| 4
Palmala Handerson can do better.
Reply
extradorkyloser
| 4
Well, actually, her hand failed to do what his hand could. That's acceptable, I think. But, the comment you made makes it seem like he was more attracted to his hand than her body. In reality, he's probably just not that into her sexually. In this age of the internet, every perversion is met on the net. and real life is boring. And, on said net, there is always someone more interesting or attractive than your current romance. I am keen on my lesbian dominatrices. ;)
Reply
lilbeast0327
| 3
Pamela Anderson can fall of a cliff
Reply
copycat148
| 0
lol
Reply
kathrynclw
| 0
bahahaha!
Reply
superfly09
| 3
lmao
Reply
austinninja1700
| 0
well I guess in this case the rest of her body could have came in HANDY
Reply
GuessWhatKids
| 13
143, Shut the fuck up, logic has no place on FML.
Reply
SoccerForTheWin
| 5
Very Bice very nice
By
70candycane07
| 0
sucks.
Reply
bigbadtim
| 7
No, it doesn't suck, it was a hand job.
Reply
miraggg
| 1
it hands
Reply
stayawakee
| 0
Obviously not.
Reply
redbluegreen
| 40
It was horrible, hands down?
By
HyundaiOwner7
| 0
Use your mouth... der
Reply
SluggerJ
| 7
yes blow your Boyfriend as well. i think I well have to get my Girlfriend to give me a Blow/hand job now just reading this is making me excited!! Time for some fun.
Reply
Drigr
| 9
I've been on FML too long. how do I know? I can reference an FML from ages ago about a chick actually BLOWING on her boyfriends penis.
Reply
lilxsexii
| 4
Me too. -_-
Reply
avafan1224
| 0
lmao haha i remember that FML lol :]
Reply
xMexicanXJesusx
| 0
#6 Was that a Scary Movie 2 reference????
Reply
iluvhobos
| 5
109, that wasn't that long ago...
By
pitchblease
| 2
wow, that bad? did you try showing some boob?
Reply
massnerder420
| 4
Lmao^
Reply
A7X_LoVeee
| 10
boobS?
:D
:D
By
ShelbyyCakess
| 0
wow. asshole much?
Reply
ohmygaaawsh29
| 0
nope, just her hands. no assholes.
Reply
ShelbyyCakess
| 0
LOL xD
Reply
Jackel0228
| 12
Yeah terrible/painful hand jobs do exist in the world unfortunately
By
jasminea
| 0
haha, you were getting him a little too excited.
Reply
IHeartJimi02
| 0
I don't think he was that excited if he asked her to stop.
Reply
jasminea
| 0
I was kidding....(:
By
forthepainx3
| 0
don't worry, he's just being a jerkoff.
Reply
ShelbyyCakess
| 0
win ^.^
Reply
kg163401
| 0
ba doom pish!!!