By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Spicy
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
I agree, your life sucks 44 877
You deserved it 18 714

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Top comments

Well try using more than just your hands??

wow u must really suck

Comments

He can do it himself. He doesn't need help

he's got 2 hands..he shouldn't complain, he can do it himself

if he ever eats you out, or fingers you, just lay there then say..... OMG just stop already!! :D

Dear God, you'd wanna hope that you give killer blow jobs

i agree. he should be glad she tried

u all can't take a laugh.. :/

He's really old or you're just plain horrible at turning guys on, probably both.

ED? I doubt it, that's not what it sounds like anyway. OP worded it to make it sound more like she was bad at it.

he was hoping for a blowjob?

lol give the girl a break. it's her first time jerkin it. hand jobs kinda suck anyway. lol a dude can jerk it himself; why does he need his chick to do that? she has many other better things she can do. OP stick to various forms of sex. your boyfriend will thank you.

I agree with whoever said blow jobs. Or she could of hand job it like her life depended on it ;)...in call of duty terms some 'rapid fire' wouldved been nice to him lol

Anybody who bitches about how lame handjobs are has never had a really good one!

Haha, it really isn't hard. "It's like getting ketchup out of a bottle..."

#126-did you draw your picture? because it sucks balls.

This a lil late but another call of duty term would be u using slight of hands with some steady aim ;)

126 dnt mind 223 shes just a troll if u didnt draw it its still cool but if u did draw it then i wosh i could draw like u :)

ha I bet u couldn't even draw that

or how about he respects her and doesn't make her do sexual stuff before marriage -_- this world has gone to hell.

exactly what I was going to say.

I remember her, she commented on my picture before. She said it scared the shit out of her. I really don't care about what she has to say, but no, I didn't draw it.

OP, please understand: the penis is very similar to your vagina in at least one way: it's very hard to truly pleasure it unless you know what you're doing. The penis is best stimulated by a warm, engulfing, tight environment which provides limited friction. The vagina is the best example. Anal and oral sex both closely simulate this (unless it's a really bad blow job). A hand job is different. You can't simply sit there and move your hand - there's not enough surface contact and too much friction. You can't stimulate the whole thing at once, and if you're squeezing tightly enough to stimulate the right spots, you're likely squeezing too hard. Ask your boyfriend to show you how he does it. Use lube. Ask him what feels best. Talk to him while you stroke him. In short, communicate! If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well - remember this and change your technique to match his reactions. Don't just grab hold and pull, but don't treat it like it's about to fall off, either. Start gently, almost tenderly, and get both firmer and faster as you go. Use lube. Lots of lube. Nothing feels worse than an indian burn on your cock.

#280 wtf? O.o

very discripted lol

She must be horrible at that

you've submitted 12 FML's that's a shit ton.

wow u must really suck

no, because if she had sucked she would have actually got him off!

your boyfriend is bummin big time if that's how you feel about blowjobs. So sad

OP is talking about a hand job, not a bj. There is a difference

right? I mean it doesn't take a lot to get a guy going...

no I just pictured 22 giving one.. unfortunately.

116 I just pictured you not giving one.

I'd tap 22... in a good way

116, I don't know about you, but 22 is quite attractive.

damn, I hate kids.

I hate to bring this up but her info says she's sixteen. let's not picture the kiddies giving blow jobs, okay?

195. Um, what? There are 14 year olds that have gotten pregnant. Where have you been?

198. just because it happens makes it alright? ya know, I think I'll go out and kill a few hookers tonight. it happens, so there's nothing wrong with it right? my god you are an ignorant little piece of s***. just please stop talking.

15 is the new 20! I'd tap that shit

dude she's a minor

and kids hate you, 160, for trying to lure them in with promises of puppies, and candy.

233 you look like the biggest douche.

233 is hot I think and you sound like a fuckin ass who sits on the couch all day with no friends

Well try using more than just your hands??

no, you ass, he means her pussy

Her ass would work, too.

Her mouth is most convenient.

lmao i think everything was covered

no u forgot her tits

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

you're definitely 11

pikachu, I choose you?

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

That's pretty clever sir. I guess I have to give you... *takes off glasses* A hand... YEAYYUHHH

I gotta hand it to you, that was clever. Good job.

daaaaaang...!!!BURRRN...!!! Lol

that's fucking hilarious

wow, i don't think i can HANDle how awesome that comment was! that deserves not only a thumb, but 5 fingers! you really nailed that pun! but i'm not being sarcastic. i enjoy a good pun :D

Anyone who doesn't like puns deserves to be PUNched in the face.

How do you know her whole body can't do it? She was just giving a handjob.

Palmala Handerson can do better.

Well, actually, her hand failed to do what his hand could. That's acceptable, I think. But, the comment you made makes it seem like he was more attracted to his hand than her body. In reality, he's probably just not that into her sexually. In this age of the internet, every perversion is met on the net. and real life is boring. And, on said net, there is always someone more interesting or attractive than your current romance. I am keen on my lesbian dominatrices. ;)

Pamela Anderson can fall of a cliff

well I guess in this case the rest of her body could have came in HANDY

143, Shut the fuck up, logic has no place on FML.

Very Bice very nice

No, it doesn't suck, it was a hand job.

It was horrible, hands down?

Use your mouth... der

yes blow your Boyfriend as well. i think I well have to get my Girlfriend to give me a Blow/hand job now just reading this is making me excited!! Time for some fun.

I've been on FML too long. how do I know? I can reference an FML from ages ago about a chick actually BLOWING on her boyfriends penis.

lmao haha i remember that FML lol :]

#6 Was that a Scary Movie 2 reference????

109, that wasn't that long ago...

wow, that bad? did you try showing some boob?

nope, just her hands. no assholes.

Yeah terrible/painful hand jobs do exist in the world unfortunately

haha, you were getting him a little too excited.

I don't think he was that excited if he asked her to stop.

I was kidding....(:

don't worry, he's just being a jerkoff.