By ApparentlyNotEno - 05/06/2013 20:40 - United States - Martinsburg

Today, my fiancée told me that she wants us to have an open marriage. She reasons that since she doesn't equate sex with love, there's no logical reason for me to be against her having sex with other people. FML
I agree, your life sucks 57 842
You deserved it 5 467

ApparentlyNotEno tells us more.

ApparentlyNotEno 28

OP here. We've actually had a threesome together and loved it. But she specifically wants to be with other men without me there.

Top comments

actually the worst fml I've seen today, my condolences


rg350dx 29

Good thing it's fiancée, not wife. She saved you a lot of fees and paperwork OP.

boredblonde 17

For some reason Charlie Sheen comes to mind..

#17, and half of what is his. Could not resist.

Op's fiancée wants the D! Sadly it's everyone's D instead of just his D. She's not ring material bro escape while you can!

DyslexicPanda 12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
YeahYeahYeahOK 6

Get out NOW. Don't even think about it unless you are ok with her sleeping around. Period.

You don't have to giver her half, you get to keep it all run to the hills and say bye bye.

Go by that policy and have sex with her friends.

She is a bitch. Run Away before it is too late

Me and my wife have an open marriage, though to be honest neither of us is the most attractive person so its rare for something to come of it. We actually sometimes go even into polyamory, though that only happened twice so far. We are maybe the closest couple I have ever met, not that I want to brag. Being honest enough to say we want these things and trusting enough to believe they will still love you and not get jealous is a big hurdle, but they are their own reward. So I just want it out there that this doesn't come out of a doomed marriage or no love for each other or no commitment to each other... Open marriage happens because not wanting to have your SO have sex with other people is an evolutionary drive, and some people just are affected less, and those people want to have more fun and don't see why its an issue. Its not an issue unless its an issue, by which I mean, if both people are completely happy with it its completely fine. On the other hand, the OP's situation is messed up because only one person wants it. So yeah, run away man.

Edit: meant polyromantic, not polyamorous

actually the worst fml I've seen today, my condolences

And that's saying something, considering the FMLs that have shown up to day...

websphere69 27

Has she never heard of sex being referred to as "making love"?

Apparently nothing if you're Tina and Ike.

ApparentlyNotEno 28

OP here. To answer some questions: She says she only wants to "make love" to me, but she wants to be allowed to **** other men. We've had a threesome and both loved it, but she specifically wants to be able to sleep with other guys without my presence, and I have a specific distaste for being excluded. And she dropped this bomb on me the week we got engaged, after more than 18 months together. She had never mentioned it before.

Is she OK with you sleeping with other women when she's not around? If so.... WTF is the point of getting married in the first place????

Raising children together? Having someone who looks out for you? Companionship? Plenty of reasons other than exclusive sexual access.

She may feel threatened by the idea of commitment, but didn't know how to simply say no to your proposal. Sh**ty way to do it, though.

OP, some couples are in open relationships/open marriages and are perfectly happy. The fact that she waited so late in the relationship is a problem though. You and fiancé needs to be able to talk about these types of things. Maybe it's because there's underlying issues that aren't being talked about, for example maybe she just has a higher sex drive than you. If she's waited so late to mention this she might have cheated in your relationship, which worries me. You mentioned that you and your fiancé had a threesome and enjoyed it so maybe that's what she was kind of hinting at.

That is a red flag. She's gonna be a cheater. :(

Volcan_fml 22

Probably not, if she's open and asking about having sex with other people.

How is it cheating if she asks him to be in an open marriage? Each to their own.

Well if he doesn't agree for one.. That would make it cheating.

If he doesn't agree to one, she SHOULD respect his choices, like me, but well some people cant, others use that just as an excuse to cheat...

Or she asked that because she wanted to confess and if he would have said ya that's cool she would be like o ok good cuz I already ****** a shit load of people **** that would be an even bigger fml moment

open marriages do work. One tends to get bored with having sex with the same person after a while. If sex can be looked at as recreational fun, then why not?

I actually know quite a few adults with open marriages; all of which are usually one night stands with no strings attached, and they tell each other their stories.

Yes but it only works if both have the same perception of sex, it's apparent that these two don't.

I also know a few. One is a married couple that comes to my job. The husband uses his wife to flirt and set up threesomes. (Mostly another guy is added) He prefers to watch. Personally, I don't understand it and think why bother to get married vs stay single? but to each their own. Not every relationship is cookie cut. As long as a couple is in agreement, who's to said it's doomed? Also keep in mind, the subject was only brought up to the OP today. Who's to say he wouldn't accept her views somewhere down the road? :P

Emily062611 6

Open marriages only work for people with the same outlook on love and sex. Also... They're engaged. If she's already bored, that's probably an issue. Personally, I could never be in an open marriage, and I've seen it fail for others. OP should stick to his guns or get out.

I agree. Some real close minded people here.

Look at ancient history or even the beginning of the human race. Sacred marriage wasn't always there and I believe in when you're married it shoukd be faithful but it's not the only option

Because sex isn't the defining factor of love. That's why they don't stay single. Coming home to the same person, knowing that person is always going to be there for you, and will always love you is important. Knowing that you can also enjoy sex with your partner in a way that wouldn't ordinarily be allowed (a threeway, for instance) can also be immensely satisfying.

#50: I completely agree. Everyone else who is being close minded: Open your minds; not everyone shares the same views as you. So long as she doesn't cheat, it's fine.

You should just say "then it's all good if I marry my other girlfriend because I don't equate marriage with marriage." Sorry dude. FYL

sugarbear0727 19

She is basically asking your permission to cheat, and you be okay with it. No! Leave as fast as you can. That is complete crap. It does kinda make sense on her part, but ask her if she'd be okay with you screwing her best friend. I bet she tries to chop your nuts off for the suggestion.

I doubt that. I know plenty of people with poly relationships and open marriages. They're doing just fine. Now if she is selfish and says sex = love for him not her, then you're right on the money with this comment.

hazardmuffin 21

@12 "Permission to cheat" makes no sense. Cheating by definition involves doing something without the other person's awareness that you know they wouldn't want you doing. If permission is given and both parties are okay with everything, there is no cheating happening.

davikiin 6

You're right and wrong. I bet she'd be okay with him doing that. But she's asking for him to give her permission to stray.

sugarbear0727 19

That's just my opinion on it. Obviously OP is not okay with it. And if they'd been together for a year and a half, and she's been wanting to get married for the last year, its a HUGE betrayal for her to just come out and say that after he proposed. Its completely BS. She's been wanting to get married for a year, so why the hell in all that time did she not bring up her preferences in marriage. And he's right to not accept her for this. I sure as hell wouldn't. She wants to have sex with other men, without him being anywhere near it because otherwise she won't have her fun.

Is It a huge betrayal? Or is it a way of making your preference is clear before you make a huge jump into the commitment of marriage? Better he knows now and is able to decide for himself. If she had declared this once deep into the marriage, the implication would be that she is now bored and needs to look elsewhere. If she says it now she can describe it as a simple preference regardless.