Today, I met my boyfriend's entire extended family at a party. All of them, including his dad, said I looked exactly like his mum. FML
Raincheck
Today, I was supposed to go on a date with my attractive and seemingly charming neighbor. Yesterday, his house was raided and he was arrested for running a heroin ring. FML
Today, when I asked my husband to join me in the shower to "save water", he said, "Let the environment suffer, not me." FML
Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML
Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML
Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML
Today, the guy I'm dating was supposed to come over. He would have if I hadn't fell asleep while he was waiting for me to open the door. FML
Missed me?
Today, I caught a flight to see my boyfriend, who is stationed in the army 300 miles away. When I was just 15 minutes from the base he called to say that we should break up. Now I'm heading back to California, single and broke. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I spent all day preparing an amazing meal for my extended family, and then 3 hours before dinner his crazy mother forced him home because she felt "excluded". He's spent the past 3 days with her. There's no way for me to keep him and get rid of her. FML
Today, while out with my family, I happened to run into "the one who got away." She smilingly introduced herself to my wife, who definitely noticed that she and our daughter share the same name. FML
Today, I was showing the Instagram of my crush to my cousin. He double-tapped the picture, thinking it would zoom it in. It was posted 5 months ago. FML
Today, I found out that my mother has been pretending that I'm a woman so that she doesn't have to tell her colleagues that she has a gay son. Apparently this has been going on for the past four years. FML
Brupopy tells us more.
Brupopy 0
OP here, thank you all for the replies!! Just to confirm she's not religious at all or anything like that and acts as if she's really supportive to my face before going behind my back and acting as if it's demonic or something. The awkward part, though, is that my younger sister came out as lesbian a few years ago too, and my mother was more than happy to discuss her and her girlfriend, but despite myself having been out to her for 8 years now, she still seems to be really awkward about me dating guys. Also, to the few individuals who suggested that I must look like a girl, I'm more of a beard and suit sort of guy personally. On another note, thank you to those who suggested calling her my father and going into her work place in Drag; I'll be staying with her next month for a little while and may have to borrow one of my sister's dresses and cosplay wigs to roll up to her workplace - along with unshaven legs and face, whilst maintaining the usual booming man voice, of course.
Today, my ex-boyfriend called me. I was really excited, thinking he wanted to get back together. He just wanted to get back the Christmas present he gave me before we broke up so that he could return it for cash. FML
Dude, get the message
Today, it's been two months since I broke up with my boyfriend. He's been texting me every time he found a bobby pin at his house that belonged to me, saying we should both see it as a sign of us belonging together. If he keeps this up every time he finds one, the texts will probably never stop. FML
Today, I realized that the girl I like only replies to my snapchats if I include my dog in the picture. FML
Respect
Today, I came out as lesbian and introduced my new girlfriend to my family. My mom angrily told me that I should have waited until my grandparents had died before coming out, and that I was "extremely disrespectful" for making this announcement. I honestly thought everyone would be fine with it. FML
Today, someone flirted with me. They kept touching me, insisting we should go out sometime, and hounding me for my number. At a family-only memorial service. FML
Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend leaving a store. She used to ridicule me for not making much money, but I now have a good job and a BMW. Trying to show off, I cranked up the music and drove by. She looked up right as I hit a car backing out of its parking space. FML
WiseGuy0481 tells us more.
When we were together it was constant comments about how I was barely staying afloat and "how could I take care of her if I could barely take care of myself?". I was trying everything I could to make her happy but she would not let it go. It ended up being part of the reason we split. That was almost a year ago. I now work for a great company and make really good money. I just bought my car last month. I see her coming out of the store and all those talks came shooting back into my head. I just wanted her to see me happy and doing well....ok I wanted her to feel dumb and regret splitting up. Nevertheless I blared the music and slowly rolled right into a car backing out. Luckily it barely scratched it. I saw no regret in her eyes, laughter yes, regret no. So yes I deserved it. Karma sucks.
Crushed
Today, I had to cancel plans to go to the movies with the guy I've had a crush on for months due to a sudden case of the flu. This was already rescheduled from yesterday, when I had to cancel due to bad weather (after he had already left home). He thinks that I'm just making excuses not to see him. FML
Not cut out for this
Today, I took my girlfriend skydiving for her birthday. I insisted on joining her to make it a memory for us both, despite my fear of heights. I passed out twice mid-freefall and had to be saved by the instructor both times. FML
Today, 3 weeks after leaving my job, buying a larger car and moving to Ohio so my boyfriend could be near his family, he secretly drove my car and all my belongings back across several states just to break up with me. This was completely out of the blue while I was home visiting family for Christmas. FML
Today, I was talking to a guy I met on a dating site, and he asked if we could meet up and what we should do. When I suggested ice-skating he told me he was in a wheelchair, so I said we could go for a walk instead. I realised my mistake the moment I sent the message. FML
Today, I set the record for bringing in the most money for a charity event, and my boyfriend and I got back together. This would normally all be wonderful, but it was a bachelorette auction with the winner getting a date with me. My boyfriend didn't have the winning bid. FML
neuronerd tells us more.
I went to respond, but accidentally clicked on the next FML. But long story short, it's not a jealousy issue. It's that I know the guy who won, know he's interested in me, and was considering going out with him before I got back with my boyfriend. Now I feel bad that he's dropped a few hundred dollars for a date with me, when I know he was hoping for it to be a real date (no, not talking sex, just a potential to lead to more dates), but at least kids are getting to have a merry Christmas, because of his donation.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I thought she wasn't being serious when she said her mum wanted me to pay to stay the night at her house for the first time. FML
Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at Wal-Mart. This would have been fine had he not broken up with me because he was "moving to Canada." FML
Today, I was walking hand in hand with my partner when we met a friend of mine and his two kids. We talked a bit, and his son kept staring at us. The boy then asked me: “Is he your dad?” No, my partner is simply 19 years older than me. And my Oedipus complex is fine, thanks. FML
shinay_fml tells us more.
For all I know, Freud's Oedipus complex is the fundamental theory that describes the incestual-like attraction of a boy to his mother, and the resulting rivalry between the boy and his father, based on Oedipus myth. Also, Freud considered since his early work on the concept that there is a feminine Oedipus complex, parallel to the masculine one. However, the definition of the feminine Oedipus complex later evolved, and lost symmetry with the masculine one due to the different reaction of boys and girls to the castration anxiety. Girls, realising they have no phallus to conquer the mother, blame the mother for this, then turn to the father in hope for his phallus and love, therefore start acting like the mother to take her place by the father's side. Boys simply love their mother and fear their father will punish them for this, by castrating them. Finally, the Oedipus complex's principle is the desire for the opposite gender parent in both boys and girls case, simply the feminine version is a bit more tricky. Moreover, Freud's Oedipus complex is nowadays often considered as the primordial theory that describes the incest taboo, involving both genders. As for Jung's Electra complex, it is initially a new terminology to designate Freud's feminine Oedipus complex, as the Electra myth is more suitable for the daughter-father situation. This terminology has been rejected by Freud who considered that it was too ambiguous, because it could imply that masculine and feminine Oedipus complex follow the exact same process, perfectly mirrored, with no supplementary twisted stages in the feminine development. Electra complex is however used in neo-freudian theory where it designates the whole daughter-loves-the-father-and-hates-the-mother thing. Alors, the neo-freudian theory diverge from the original freudian one concerning the feminine Oedipus/Electra complex process. So it is true that Electra complex is specific to this anecdote. Nevertheless, Oedipus complex is still correct as it refers to both feminine and masculine issues with the opposite gender parental figure in Freud's work. N.b., I am not a native speaker, so please forgive me for the possible mistakes.
Today, my extremely inebriated boyfriend casually mentioned that he wished I had a penis. FML
breedles tells us more.
breedles 28
Hey guys, OP here. I love the comments xD This happened a couple of months ago, and actually, before this incident he did confide in me that he was bisexual, and as I am open minded and bisexual as well, we did do some experimenting with a strap on to see if I could satisfy him on that level. His comment was meant to suggest that because I didn't have a REAL penis, it wasn't enough for him, which was painful to hear, because obviously, there was nothing I could do about it and I was very invested in our relationship. He changed his stance on the matter when he was sober, but we did move out of a boyfriend girlfriend relationship and into more of a FWB relationship, and we're both happier now. :)
Today, I was helping my dad sell furniture online after a messy divorce. After organising everything to be picked up, it turned out the buyer was the guy Mum had the affair with. What are the chances? FML
immisterbulldops tells us more.
Hi this is my FML. I created an account to comment this... I guess that's the odd thing... the affair was actually online and through text. They never met in person haha!
Today, I told my husband of 26 years that I was lonely. He asked what he could do to help. I said, "Just talk to me". Without a word, he went to sleep. FML
tricia_11 tells us more.
That man hasn't worked a day in almost 5 years. He took an early retirement and sits home all day. I work my ass off. I have a 3 hour daily commute on top of my work day. After sitting on his ass all day, he needs to cook me my favorite meal, give me the best sex ever and worship me for taking care of him! Yet, I'm thinking of myself? Get real.
Disappointed
Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down, he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML