Love: Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner... - FML

By aloneinaz - 15/01/2017 20:00

Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 666

You deserved it 820

Taking stock

I can't quit you

Keep up!

By Username - 30/04/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 062

You deserved it 7 940

By good husband - 30/04/2013 16:03 - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 774

You deserved it 4 599

By firsttimer69 - 20/03/2009 06:11 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 361

You deserved it 15 134

By Anonymous - 03/03/2010 06:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got an allergic reaction to Nair. It was so bad I had to have my girlfriend take me to the hospital at 2am. Where was the allergic reaction? On my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 185

You deserved it 21 996

Home alone

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, I was in the bathroom taking a massive dump, with the door closed, moaning and yelling to get it out, knowing I was home alone. When it was done, I walked out to see my mother on the couch who said, "I know masturbation is normal, but please try to do it while we're not here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 1 011

By Rowaelin16 - 23/08/2016 02:50 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 833

You deserved it 1 454

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 649

You deserved it 57 095

Cultural appropriation

By Christinne - 26/06/2021 04:01

Today, I had to explain to my mom what an 'LGBT ally' is and that it is entirely possible for a straight cis girl to support the LGBT movement. She thought I was a lesbian because I have rainbow colored and LGBT memorabilia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 508

By SupermarketSally - 25/11/2016 13:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 184

You deserved it 579

The vigil

By Anonymous - 20/11/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came to visit from another state. My mom didn't want me to go to his hotel and I did. When she asked about it, I lied to her and said I didn't go, and she showed me a Pic of my car outside his hotel... FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 2 469

By bcf1234 - 15/10/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I waited in line at Subway. There were two people in front of me. The first lady had seven sandwiches and the second lady had four. So after patiently waiting, I ordered my sandwich, only to have my credit card declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 539

You deserved it 12 082

By dukemisery - 12/12/2016 09:33 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after being trapped in an elevator for 4 hours, I really had to pee. Just when I decided to pee in the elevator shaft, the lift doors opened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 944

You deserved it 1 127

By Sigh - 23/05/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 919

You deserved it 34 763

By writerflaw - 10/03/2015 17:36 - United States - Juneau

Today, I lost a grade on an essay, because according to my teacher, I put much more detail into my analytical essay than I should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 753

You deserved it 3 415

By no boobies - 29/05/2013 16:39 - United States

Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 658

You deserved it 4 354

By kittynapper - 17/07/2014 23:32 - United States - Denver

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 454

You deserved it 6 860

By badsinger - 04/06/2010 09:38 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 985

You deserved it 15 495

Come on, man

By Steve - 24/09/2021 17:01

Today, I went to a White Sox game, and tried to purchase some pizza. There was a huge line behind me, and as soon as I got the pizza, the lady at the register told me that my card was declined. I tried 3 more times and still declined. Turns out Geico charged me twice on my insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 90

By NeedALittleRoomToBreathe - 20/05/2017 02:00

Today, after having set up a date with a wonderful guy who seems to really like me, I caught a cold. I have also lost most of my voice because of it, so I now sound like an angry, deranged goose when I talk. This will be the first time he meets me in person. So much for a good first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 597

You deserved it 351

Daddy's little girl

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 23:01 - Canada - Port Moody

Today, I found out my boyfriend of almost 10 years was/is a Sugar Daddy to a girl I know, for the past 7 months or so. I found out through a mutual friend.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 79

By alchy - 02/05/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 949

You deserved it 36 170

Things can only get better

By MaudlinMasters - 05/01/2021 02:01

Today, marks the 8-month anniversary of receiving my Masters degree. It also marks 8 months of depression and unemployment because the dream job in my field I was promised before graduation was rescinded due to COVID-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 103

By InnocenceBlue - 31/07/2019 12:00

Today, I finally managed to get my electrician boyfriend to agree to replace our old lights, after a year of asking. Saturday, he couldn't be bothered and Sunday he came down with a mysterious man flu. This is about the 10th time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 288

By Anonymous - 05/10/2018 13:30

Today, my daughter asked me to braid her hair. When I was done, she said Daddy's girlfriend does it better. I wasn't aware we had an open marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 034

You deserved it 172

By FailedSniper - 22/03/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, I saw my dad's friend across the street working on my neighbor's roof. To continue the airsoft war we'd been having I shot at him with the sniper gun I bought. I hit him, and he fell off the roof. I ran over to see if he was ok. It wasn't my dad's friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 111

You deserved it 53 576

Breakfast time!

By shit flavored eggs - 09/03/2021 00:30

Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 385

By Anonymous - 17/03/2017 19:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, something in my shoe was bothering me at work. After about 30 minutes, I finally had a chance to fix it. There was a squashed lizard in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 839

You deserved it 508

By BlueMouth - 16/12/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, we had company over, and after dinner, I saw a package of gumballs sitting on the table. Figuring my brother had brought them, I took one and bit it. I got a bunch of weird looks. Turns out wasn't a gumball - it was a mini paintball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 763

You deserved it 30 223

By LovedByFamily - 08/10/2012 15:08 - Germany - Köln

Today, I found out that my mom gives my brother tips on how to hurt my feelings the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 392

You deserved it 2 302

By datingmrpicky - 22/08/2011 03:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 451

You deserved it 36 781

By Anonymous - 09/07/2015 16:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I folded a stack of 2,500 brochures for the new exhibit we're putting on at the museum where I work. As I was finishing up, I got an email. The dates have just been changed, so all the brochures have to be reprinted and refolded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 187

You deserved it 1 936

By Anonymous - 06/06/2015 04:20 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 839

You deserved it 2 174

By Anonymous - 01/05/2009 11:36 - United States

Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 885

You deserved it 5 349

It's not working

By naas1201 - 10/05/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, and since the beginning of our couples therapy, my wife and I don't do it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 251

By MomOfBoys - 22/12/2016 21:20

Today, it's early-release before Christmas break for the kiddos, and my awesome-sauce boss let them hang out in our law office for the afternoon. So far, one has puked in the conference room, and the other has clogged the toilet. Only 2 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 743

You deserved it 807

By WaxOnWaxOff - 06/09/2012 21:50 - United States - Denver

Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 375

You deserved it 9 638

Sex work is work

By Anonymous - 02/01/2016 22:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 123

You deserved it 29 385

By Franco - 10/04/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One of the dads was asking about my job, when I told him about the long hours and high stress involved. He turned to his son and said "Now see why you stay in school?" I'm a paramedic. With a bachelor's degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 891

You deserved it 3 129

By surrounded by dumbfucks - 13/12/2012 23:44 - United States - Carmel

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 839

You deserved it 2 135

By smoker - 26/01/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 442

You deserved it 30 308

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Top comments

RememberSchlitz 9

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Sunday 15 January 2017 20:27

<p>Forgetting you were there: bad</p> <p>Assessing the situation before deciding to use the weapon: good</p> <p> </p>

tiggerlover100 27

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Sunday 15 January 2017 21:14

How is it a red flag that he's prepared to defend himself against a possible robber/attacker? It's possible that op and their boyfriend don't live together and he thought op already left.

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RememberSchlitz 9

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Sunday 15 January 2017 20:27

<p>Forgetting you were there: bad</p> <p>Assessing the situation before deciding to use the weapon: good</p> <p> </p>

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Sunday 15 January 2017 20:53

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

tiggerlover100 27

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Sunday 15 January 2017 21:14

How is it a red flag that he's prepared to defend himself against a possible robber/attacker? It's possible that op and their boyfriend don't live together and he thought op already left.

heyLaddieHey 18

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Sunday 15 January 2017 21:51

<p>Because it's far more likely he will shoot OP than ever shooting an intruder. If you don't believe me, feel free to look at the gun death statistics in the United States.</p>

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Sunday 15 January 2017 21:45

<p>As a personal handgun owner and as someone who was trained and certified for years in the state of Texas for carrying, I can tell you it is not normal nor healthy behavior to draw your firearm and point it at someone in this situation.  You don't just "forget" that you have or have had guests in your home, and you don't point a gun at someone unless you are prepared to use it to kill.  </p> <p>If you want the responsbility of owning a handgun, it is doubly your responsibility to be

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Monday 16 January 2017 0:39

I had a teacher say her husband pulled the gun out on her because he did not know she was home. She told him it was her and he put it down and apologized. Both of the guys just got scared. Thats what it was. They thought they were alone and heard someone walking so they grabbed the gun and found them.

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Monday 16 January 2017 12:51

Okay, but i forget when people are in my house all the time, especially when they are normally not in the house at that time of day. And if i had a person in my house that i thought was going to rob or kill me? I'm aiming the gun right at them, ready to shoot. Besides who said op's bf is trained? Training isnt required to own a gun in a lot of places.

ArcaneBullshit 21

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Sunday 15 January 2017 21:46

How is this a red flag? If he pulled a gun on OP because he didn't want them to leave for work that'd be a huge red flag. Not knowing who's in your house and pulling a gun in self defense: not a red flag.

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Sunday 15 January 2017 21:51

<p>Eveni n the bizarre situation that he forgot he had a guest over, it is incredibly irresponsible and a little deranged for his knee-jerk reaction to be to point a gun at someone without assessing the situation first.  Speaks highly of PTSD, and no citizen should own a gun if that is their first response to ambiguous situations.</p>

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Monday 16 January 2017 0:42

Nope, I know alot of guys that would do this. Guess why.. Because they are scared. They are scared that someone will get the jump on them and they can't defend themselves. A teacher of mine said her husband did this to her before.

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Monday 16 January 2017 1:17

So if you thought a stranger was in your house what would you do? Ask them why he/she is there? I don't understand why this is so hard for you to rationalize

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Monday 16 January 2017 4:55

"Eveni n"

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Monday 16 January 2017 4:55

"Eveni n"

CTWDaBearJew 15

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Monday 16 January 2017 5:42

OP did say pulled not pointed, you can draw your weapon without presenting it.

LyricaSilvan 29

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Monday 16 January 2017 11:43

Yes, because clearly it's impossible for a human being, an incredibly flawed creature by nature, to ever forget things or to want to protect themselves and their home if they think someone or something that shouldn't be there is, in fact, there. 7, please get off your high horse and accept that human beings make mistakes. At least the man had the sense to not actually shoot right away. Give credit where it's due and stop being so damn judgmental.

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Sunday 15 January 2017 23:52

I agree.

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Sunday 15 January 2017 23:52

I agree.

cootiequeen4444 11

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Tuesday 17 January 2017 4:43

maybe call out "who's there?" before fucking pulling a gun on someone. And also being forgotten about to such a deep deep level has to mean something like a red flag. Forgetting someone is there, does not excise pulling a gun on them. I'd dump a guy if he did that to me. I'd also tell all my friends. People that paranoid do not have the rationale to safely own a gun in my opinion. Just because he didn't pull the trigger wouldn't cure the relationship for me. What if he did. Seriously though, jus

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Thursday 19 January 2017 1:39

You couldn't be more correct, now please tell that to the American Police at Kaylanafml

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 15 January 2017 21:36

Or he just needed some money.

sarcasmismyno1 22

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Sunday 15 January 2017 22:14

Not the brightest bulb in the box, that one.

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Monday 16 January 2017 0:38

<p>Rough neighbourhood??</p>

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Monday 16 January 2017 4:56

<p>Red Flag? Really. What should he do. When he comes upon an armed intruder he should ask them to either A wait patiently while he goes and gets his firearm or B: Hope they don't shoot before he can pull it out of it's holster. Also, the PTSD comment makes it seem as if anyone that has PTSD shouldn't be allowed to have firearms because the boyfriend and anyone else that has it is just too emotionally unstable. That is extremely far from any truth or facts.</p>

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Monday 16 January 2017 7:47

So glad I don't live in the states where guns are so prevalent and these sort of situations exist

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Monday 16 January 2017 8:56

'Murica :')

davek 36

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Monday 16 January 2017 19:49

<p>Is your boyfriend Oscar Pistorius?</p>

ReallyRealDreamer 1

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Tuesday 7 February 2017 4:52

at least you know that he will always have your back in the case of a home-invasion.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 10

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 167

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 93