Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML
Today, my fiancé asked me how soon I wanted him to move out. FML
fedmisery tells us more.
fedmisery 15
OP here. Yes, he was assuming I wanted him to move out of our shared apartment. In good news, we worked it out. It's been a rough few months and we've been under a lot of work stress, and it hasn't helped our relationship. But - still in it for the long haul! And you don't need to hate on the staff, they're just trying their best. We all are, right?
Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML
Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip this weekend so that she won't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML
Today, it's been three days since I told this guy I liked him and he told me he liked me. It's also been three days since he contacted me. So, I called his phone and I was told by someone that they were attributed that number three days ago. I think it's safe to say the feelings weren't mutual. FML
myfuturelover tells us more.
Hey OP here, I'm not sure if this will clear things up because quite frankly I'm confused. We've known each other for a little over a year now. We're supportive of each other and everything. This past weekend our conversation shifted. He pretty much made me admit that I had feelings for him. He wanted me to literally say “I Like You”. He then went on to express his feelings and how he been liked me and etc. Lately we had been snap chatting more than texting. He even had stopped by for a hug before work. He was really trying to prove himself to me. The next day we were snapping each other then all of a sudden he stopped responding. I gave it some time then called his phone number and that's when I was informed someone else now was the owner of that number. There is literally no other way to contact him.
Today, I climbed to the top of the tallest building in my city with this guy I really like. He spotted the girl he had a crush on, and wouldn't shut up about her for the rest of the night. FML
Today, I was hanging out with this really cute boy that I liked. We were starting to get personal, intimate, and really connecting. That is, until my roommate shouted that his girlfriend had just, "clogged our toilet and shit was overflowing onto the floor." FML
randomman55555 tells us more.
hey guys OP here, Just to clarify I invited the hot guy over to play some video games to get know each other better. My housemates girlfriend as you can imagine is a regular at our place. She is the one who clogged the toilet, and has no idea who my crush is. But because my housemate can't even preheat the oven, it's no surprise he doesn't know how to unclog a toilet. I Had to step in before the water got out of the bathroom, ruining our wood floor and loosing our $2,000 deposit. Hope this cleared things up.
Today, it's difficult being a single woman in my city: The female/male ratio is 3:1, and the last 3 dates I've been on were with a guy who kept asking for nudes, an aggressive raging alcoholic, and what turned out to be a married man. I'm seriously considering adopting several more cats. FML
Today, daylight savings is on the way. Two years ago, I planned to propose right before the time change, all to have an extra hour of "the best day of my life". Now I have an extra hour to remember how distinctly single I still am and how awful she was. FML
TheSadPupper tells us more.
OP here, made a new account just to respond. Been on this site for years and this is my first submission so at least I'm batting 1.000 on FMLs huh? Clarifications: The idea stemmed from a party I hosted the year prior as a post Halloween party. Didn't even realize it was Daylights Savings and when it was in full swing we realized we had a whole extra hour. We referred to it as the "Critical Hit" of party hosting. We had been together for 2+ years before the break up and it was HER that was trying to push for marriage after the first year. Like, in retrospect some really manipulative stuff about how she shouldn't have to jump through hoops and prove herself to me if I really loved her, and that she KNEW I was the one. I wanted to take my time and live together first, but I was head over heels for this girl. Finally around the two year mark I felt that I knew her well enough and felt like I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Clearly I was misguided. She broke up with me about 3 weeks before my proposal plan. Had to get my money back I had put down on an engagement ring ($1000 on $10K). That trip to the Jewelry store was not fun, but the workers there were super super gracious. I blamed myself for the longest time for driving her away and was an absolute mess for over a year. I'm.... a bit better now. I found out much later after the break up that she had cheated on me (that's a whole other crazy story), and that she lied to me about some CRITICALLY IMPORTANT information. And that she was already seeing someone else when we hooked back up about 4 months after our breakup. Her absolute lack of care for fidelity really got me when I found out she cheated on some other guy with me without my knowing. I actually like the interactions with OPs on this site so I'll try to be as open as possible.
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I've been crushing on for a while. When he dropped me off, I said thank you and that we should do it again sometime. He replied, "Yeah, maybe next Halloween." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML
Today, my mom asked me if I was a lesbian because I haven't brought a guy home in over 7 years. Nope. I'm just a crazy cat lady, minus the cats. FML
Today, I saw the guy I've been seeing passing by my dorm. I called out to him, but he covered his ears and crossed the street. Well, at least I have ice cream in my fridge. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "too clingy". I haven't seen her in over 3 weeks and texted her first once. Guess that's still too much for her. FML
Today, I was at the local drive-thru with my boyfriend. While we were picking up the food, the asswipe at the window thought it hilarious to copy the scene from "American Beauty" and pretend that we were a couple and that I was cheating on him. My actual boyfriend believed it and won't talk to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of nearly six months broke up with me. Over text. In a group chat. With the new girl he wanted to date. FML
Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his muscles as my anniversary gift. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say it when I caught him sleeping with my best friend. FML
Today, it seems like everyone in my family knew about my boyfriend's new engagement, all except me. FML
Today, my boyfriend said, "One day I'll tell my children how I met you. I mean, our children." It's pretty cute, except for the fact that we're 17 and have been dating for only two weeks. FML
Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML
Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML
Today, after months of arguing and conflict, I broke up wIth my fiancé. Or at least, I tried to. The wedding's off, but only until he can convince me to want to marry him again. FML
Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my mom. He was curious as to how my mom had a better ass than mine when she was twice my age. FML
mermaidkeels tells us more.
So this actually happened a few years ago. Last week a couple of friends and I were talking about funny/awkward relationships and I remembered this story. Decided to submit it but didn't think it would get published. By the way, no-we are no longer together but that is for unrelated reasons.
Today, I confessed my feelings to the only man I've ever loved. He asked me for dating advice. FML
Today, my husband brought me breakfast in bed. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful and love him even more for the thought. But the only problem with breakfast in bed is that you have to eat what they bring you, even if it's bad. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend the exact moment I fell in love with him: when we made eye contact in a crowd on our fifth date. He asked if I wanted to know what he was thinking at that moment. I then found out it was, "I really hope she can't smell that fart." FML
saashtow tells us more.
saashtow 8
OP here! I did laugh. That's all there was to do. It just caught me completely off guard, I was expecting something sweet or romantic. But it's definitely something that he would do. And no, I couldn't smell it because I have a sinus condition that prevents me from being able to smell- he just didn't know it at the time.
Today, I had my wedding at 11 a.m. so that I could spend a lot of time with my friends and family. Everyone left within 4 hours. FML
Today, after laying down to sleep, my boyfriend seemed like he was having trouble trying to say something. After asking what was wrong a couple of times, he said, "I don't want to do this anymore" and got up and left. I had planned on telling him I love him. Saved myself some embarrassment I guess. FML
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