Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 70

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 37

14/01/2017 18:00

Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 795

You deserved it 1 115

Batman

Walk the line

Triage

20/10/2009 01:10

Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I left my cell phone on the hotel counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 921

You deserved it 36 731

28/11/2009 05:06

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 253

You deserved it 3 888

26/03/2014 23:45

Today, I found out that, after having moved over 500 miles to begin a post-graduate degree, I'm being kicked out of the house I'm renting. We haven't yet signed agreements. Apparently I "keep the kitchen too clean". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 375

You deserved it 3 627

24/02/2014 02:22

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 647

You deserved it 40 759

25/12/2009 18:19

Today, my parents told me they're getting a divorce. However, they asked me not to tell any of the family so that the news doesn't spoil Christmas. Thanks, Mom and Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 230

You deserved it 2 245

26/04/2015 08:19

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 169

You deserved it 3 717

19/08/2010 15:48

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 074

You deserved it 3 642

17/01/2011 03:32

Today, I watched as a guy hit my car, laugh when he saw me running towards him, and drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 112

You deserved it 2 225

15/08/2019 16:04

Today, I went to Auto Zone because my car was having trouble starting, and I thought it was the battery. The guy checked it with their reader, and confirmed it was dying. Right after he put the battery in, my starter died. I had to get my car towed to the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 104

Favorite child

By Anonymous - 23/01/2020 01:00

Today, I heard that my mom is coming back from France, where my brother lives. I have lived in the same place, exactly 45 minutes from my mother, for 6 years. She hasn't visited me once, but has been out of state to see my sibling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 085

You deserved it 192

28/02/2015 02:25

Today, I broke my leg. My mom told me I still have to go to tennis class tomorrow because the course isn't refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 690

You deserved it 2 416

10/12/2012 10:13

Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could sit down. Thinking she meant the seat next to me, I said sure. She meant my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 486

You deserved it 2 245

29/01/2009 22:46

Today, I went to the doctor to talk about my depression and low self-esteem. He told me that I shouldn't think of myself as a fat pig for being overweight. I don't think that and I'm NOT overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 881

You deserved it 3 607

19/08/2016 14:55

Today, I discovered an effective form of body hair removal. I discovered that my three-year-old daughter is strong enough to pull off a major clump of my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 549

You deserved it 1 208

Father of the year

By Harvey knicks grandad - 10/02/2021 21:58

Today, my son told me he failed to get into the army, which I didn’t know he was trying to do. Apparently he thought playing Call of Duty non-stop counted as "experience" and that he’d become an officer rank straight away, despite being 10-stone overweight with the brains of a tree stump FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 211

25/06/2009 10:17

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 876

You deserved it 8 059

28/10/2011 20:25

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she bought the same perfume that my boyfriend got me for Christmas last year. He loves that perfume. Now, whenever he smells me, he's going to think of his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 319

You deserved it 2 818

01/05/2013 02:50

Today, after being nearly homeless and couch-hopping for the last few months, I finally signed a 1-year lease. When I got home, I was surprised to see a picture of my new complex on the front page of the newspaper. It turns out that they are fighting a serious bedbug infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 192

You deserved it 3 793

#rude

By friendless - 19/03/2018 11:00

Today, I invited my only friend to my birthday party and she said no, not because she couldn’t go, but because she didn’t want to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 743

You deserved it 399

20/01/2012 15:15

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 540

You deserved it 11 603

16/10/2009 08:20

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 272

You deserved it 3 038

31/05/2009 17:38

Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 329

You deserved it 10 899

15/03/2009 20:47

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 307

You deserved it 17 247

15/03/2015 04:23

Today, I went to the grocery store with my four-year-old. She has some issues with wetting the bed, so I told her that if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming about "going", she should pinch herself to make sure she's awake. In the produce section, she pinched herself, smiled proudly, and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 349

You deserved it 5 466

11/04/2016 03:57

Today, I had a second date with a really hot guy I met at the mall. Lucky for me, I went into anaphylactic shock from shrimp and the guy called my parents. When I left the hospital, I was notified that after he called my parents, he ordered more food and charged it to my credit card on file. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 769

You deserved it 1 616

08/08/2019 06:00

Today, like any other day, I look just like Kim Jung-un. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 194

28/02/2014 20:01

Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially "kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 235

You deserved it 3 645

27/04/2013 08:28

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 043

You deserved it 3 622

22/12/2014 23:15

Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 978

You deserved it 2 621

10/04/2009 15:38

Today, I ordered a pizza over the phone from Pizza Hut. I turned at the store and waited for over 25 minutes. When they saw me sitting there for such a long time, they eventually asked what i was waiting for. I'd called the wrong Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 793

You deserved it 57 261

21/10/2016 04:11

Today, I started a new job that was highly recommended by a worker there. The same coworker that is now making my life a living hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 670

You deserved it 807

22/01/2010 05:08

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 922

You deserved it 5 624

Leave me alone

By rosanne - 08/04/2021 08:00

Today, I learned that me wearing a mask will not stop creepy old men from telling me to smile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 94

29/08/2009 19:56

Today, I was at the park with my new boyfriend. We were sitting between some trees, when some of his mates turned up at the park. He pushed me behind a tree so his mates wouldn't see and went to join them in a game of football. He pretended not to know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 842

You deserved it 5 266

02/06/2012 15:16

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 934

You deserved it 41 841

23/02/2012 20:25

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 763

You deserved it 37 391

10/02/2009 19:35

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 500

You deserved it 2 827

03/05/2016 20:43

Today, I met with my boss hoping to hear about a possible raise that had been promised many months ago. He then told me that the only way I would get a raise was if I found a better paying job and took it, and that the company was in no position to offer anyone a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 330

You deserved it 1 193

08/09/2009 14:04

Today, I was sitting with my boyfriend watching the Super Nanny. He watches the show regularly and said he has learned some of her techniques. Apparently, he uses them on me when I'm acting irrational. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 918

You deserved it 47 453

06/09/2018 00:00

Today, as a CNA, I had to go through the belongings of a patient. His phone rang and I answered - it was his boss. As I explained, he cut me off and said to "drop the act" and "he better be there now or he's fired". He was pronounced dead-on-arrival. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 499

You deserved it 171

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Top comments

violingirl0 12

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Wednesday 11 January 2017 1:31

How mature of him

CamBamShamDaMan 26

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Tuesday 10 January 2017 23:25

"Nearly FMLs"

Comments

CamBamShamDaMan 26

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Tuesday 10 January 2017 23:25

"Nearly FMLs"

violingirl0 12

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Wednesday 11 January 2017 1:31

How mature of him

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 14 January 2017 18:09

In wrestling, they call that a reversal.

money2g 7

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Saturday 14 January 2017 18:46

I don't think that even works, does it?

Youre_A_Pussy 19

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Saturday 14 January 2017 19:06

Yea it works lol

Tarlachia 33

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Saturday 14 January 2017 20:49

Well, at this point, it's fair game for you to shove his head into the Dutch Oven and crank that shit up!

draghkar 16

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Saturday 14 January 2017 21:27

Give him credit. He won.

Oogly979 8

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Saturday 14 January 2017 21:32

<p>So if you still decide to keep such a disgusting creature as your bf then that says a lot about you too. None of it good!</p>

NoWeeniesAllowed 17

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Saturday 14 January 2017 23:34

Couples do stuff like that sometimes, if you think she should get rid of him for doing that you have high standards.

StoneColdShaky 7

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Saturday 14 January 2017 22:07

Is there an argument a bf CAN win?

blackrose1996 11

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Sunday 15 January 2017 0:38

Time to tell him to grow up or break up

jcash52426 5

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Sunday 15 January 2017 1:52

Wow he violated that glass. You better throw it away I wouldn't want to drink out it again after what he did.