Stay away from us! - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 99

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 113

Stay away from us!

By KingSnow03 - 31/03/2020 20:00

Today, because I have a coughed a total of 2 times in a row, I'm now banned from seeing any of my family until I get tested for coronavirus. The earliest available appointment is May 3rd. Looks like quarantine is going to be a lot worse than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 185

Sorry…

Age difference

Leave us alone

23/02/2015 23:42

Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 195

You deserved it 2 409

05/01/2013 02:04

Today, during dinner, my mum asked why I've been so upset recently, so I just admitted it was because my girlfriend had cheated on me. At some point during my venting, I asked why this stuff always seems to happen to me. My dad looked up from his plate and said, "Probably karma." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 738

You deserved it 6 427

#Childfree

By ChildFree - 20/04/2015 23:55

Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiancé and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 517

You deserved it 4 565

30/05/2018 20:30

Today, while working at McDonald's, I was pulled into the manager's office and informed that I'd been caught stealing money from the safe. When I told them to show me the security footage, they refused and fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 086

You deserved it 267

12/06/2017 22:00

Today, while working at a retail, I was checking on a customer who had been in one of the dressing rooms for over an hour. After knocking for 10 minutes, I unlocked the door myself, only to find the customer sitting on the floor, smoking crack. This isn't even the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 917

You deserved it 221

12/05/2019 04:00

Today, my 12-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter sprayed themselves with a ton of deodorant and perfume respectively. The two clouds of spray have combined into a noxious gas that slowly traveled through the house, giving everybody an instant, massive headache. Everybody, except my son and daughter. They think they smell great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 893

You deserved it 231

Sorry for your loss

By dpod121 - 04/03/2010 19:41

Today, I got a call from my optometrist. I ignored the call, because I already knew I had my appointment tomorrow. When I listened to my messages later, I found out it was from his secretary, saying all of his appointments have been canceled due to him passing away last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 452

You deserved it 9 212

22/05/2014 21:27

Today, my boyfriend found a movie he loved on Netflix. He was so excited to show it to me and was certain I'd love it. I didn't have the heart to tell him what I really thought of White Chicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 649

You deserved it 10 300

28/07/2013 06:18

Today, I was mistaken for my twin brother twice. This probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 891

You deserved it 4 652

23/05/2015 07:51

Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 194

You deserved it 3 209

26/01/2013 22:57

Today, I had to suffer through a two-hour long trivia game with my boyfriend's family. As if that wasn't annoying enough, my boyfriend caused the pair of us to lose by just a single point, because he answered "Quebec" to the question of "What is the capital city of France?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 241

You deserved it 7 147

04/12/2015 05:31

Today, my roommate thought of a new idea for our household. According to him, we should take dumps at work as often as we can, that way, "we'll save on toilet paper at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 308

You deserved it 2 331

20/07/2016 02:54

Today, I went to a local Asian restaurant where this adorable Japanese girl works as a server. We had formed a friendship and I was hoping for something more, but I decided to play "hard-to-get" for the last couple of weeks. When I went there today, the place was closed. Permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 864

You deserved it 14 725

01/10/2009 07:05

Today, I woke up to the realization that the 2-hour nap I wanted to take before I went out with my friends last night was actually a 12-hour nap. I missed everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 977

You deserved it 34 016

21/09/2009 04:02

Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 041

You deserved it 45 216

11/06/2013 04:12

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 901

You deserved it 4 716

24/06/2009 02:50

Today, my girlfriend was upset, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. After a minute, her face started to light up. I thought it had worked until I realized that she was being cheered up by the friends she was talking to online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 124

You deserved it 3 763

30/09/2011 15:12

Today, my roommate was packing up her kitchen stuff as she prepared to move out. Apparently that includes the majority of things I bought last week to replace all of her stuff she is taking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 323

You deserved it 2 988

19/05/2013 18:02

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 907

You deserved it 8 663

02/04/2011 16:44

Today, my ex fiancée, who left me six months ago, asked if I'd mind if she used the wedding dress I bought her for our wedding. She's just gotten engaged again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 141

You deserved it 3 448

26/10/2012 07:23

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 811

You deserved it 3 210

21/02/2012 18:45

Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 530

You deserved it 3 051

28/10/2008 11:13

Spicy

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 704

You deserved it 9 720

27/01/2015 14:02

Today, as I walked on to the bus, the girl I liked whispered something to her friend. Curious, I asked what was so funny. She said she never realized that when I got on, I shook the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 3 722

26/11/2013 05:50

Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 219

You deserved it 8 683

16/09/2016 20:35

Today, I'm a janitor at a middle school. Someone took a poo and placed it on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 107

You deserved it 719

Sign your name across my…?

By bitchonia - 28/03/2020 17:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he'd think of me getting his initials tattooed over my heart. "That's awesome, babe," he answered enthusiastically. "But could you get them on your ass instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 1 480

21/01/2012 10:45

Spicy

Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 343

You deserved it 9 276

10/11/2009 03:16

Today, I attended a focus group. Since I've been unemployed for a month now I thought the $60 would come in handy. By the time I finished someone had broken into my car, stole my GPS and MP3 player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 638

You deserved it 3 355

20/10/2014 21:04

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 447

You deserved it 2 619

17/06/2012 08:50

Today, my boss gave me a new assignment at work: go online and look for my own replacement, then interview him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 731

You deserved it 2 209

Family extension

By now what - 26/07/2020 05:01

Today, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. She had her 4-year-old son with her. I couldn’t help but notice her son looked almost identical to mine. He even had a very distinct facial feature that my husband has as well. What are the odds all three of them have the same defect? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 679

You deserved it 180

05/09/2009 14:16

Today, I was going to ask this girl I love to homecoming. I set up a scavenger hunt, and my friend led her through it. At the end of the scavenger hunt I had a note that said, "Homecoming?" She said yes and hugged my friend. When I told her it was me who was asking, she laughed and said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 618

You deserved it 10 619

08/07/2017 14:29

Spicy

Today, as it's my birthday, I was hoping for a nice present from my boyfriend. What did he get me? A PornHub account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 798

You deserved it 832

16/03/2013 06:19

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 556

You deserved it 4 814

24/04/2012 01:48

Spicy

Today, I faked back pain to get out of sex with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 485

You deserved it 36 357

23/05/2014 22:46

Spicy

Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was lovely; the sight of my elderly neighbour doing some kind of nude yoga in his backyard certainly was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 231

You deserved it 5 964

19/04/2009 05:40

Today, I was practicing soccer at my school. My team was practicing penalty kicks. It was my turn up and this cute girl that I like was watching off ten feet away from the goal. I was running to take the kick when I slipped and kicked the ball. It hit her head and now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 255

You deserved it 10 678

04/06/2010 23:58

Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 887

You deserved it 37 116

10/04/2009 07:12

Today, I got back a paper after a peer review. I had worked really hard on it over the last week and was proud of the end result. When I got the paper back the only positive comment on the paper was "well I really like the blue staple you used to hold it together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 798

You deserved it 5 233

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Top comments

notacatinatrenchcoat 4

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Tuesday 31 March 2020 20:24

you would've been infected and spreading the virus, i think it was, 9 days before showing symptoms? plus if you don't have a fever and shortness of breath to go with it i wouldn't worry. sorry your family is reacting this way

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 31 March 2020 21:29

Our president has said that anyone who wants a test can get a test. So, one of you is lying.

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sajupt 17

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Tuesday 31 March 2020 20:17

lucky you!!! it would be a win win for me!

notacatinatrenchcoat 4

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Tuesday 31 March 2020 20:24

you would've been infected and spreading the virus, i think it was, 9 days before showing symptoms? plus if you don't have a fever and shortness of breath to go with it i wouldn't worry. sorry your family is reacting this way

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 31 March 2020 21:29

Our president has said that anyone who wants a test can get a test. So, one of you is lying.

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Wednesday 1 April 2020 1:16

not everyone lives in America..

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 1 April 2020 1:46

Everyone that matters does. JKJKJKJKJKJKJKJK!!!!

Marcella1016 31

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Wednesday 1 April 2020 8:37

Jobekka he was being sarcastic pointing out the blatant hypocrisy always portrayed by the powers that be over here. It was basically an “inside joke” about Trump because a good portion of our country believes literally anything he says regardless of any physical evidence to the contrary. Good luck though wherever you live. Hopefully things are better there with the virus and access to tests and supplies. Even though you don’t matter as much. (Juuuuust kidding in case anyone took that last part seriously 🙃)

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Tuesday 31 March 2020 23:34

You don’t need an appointment to get tested for COVID-19...so that’s a lie.

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Tuesday 31 March 2020 23:35

Get a doctors order asap, and find a mobile testing site.

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Friday 10 April 2020 15:56

Or, like what we’ve been told repeatedly, just quarantine yourself for 14 days.

DanielleinDC 32

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Wednesday 1 April 2020 3:47

You could very well have a cold or allergies.

GalaxyGirl1123_fml 13

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Thursday 2 April 2020 13:49

Good luck <3

icecreamisrad 13

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Friday 3 April 2020 13:15

14 days. I’m just getting over it and it started 8 days into my quarantine. It’s painful so I positive vibes💕