Hippity hoppity - FML

Hippity hoppity

By Stuckinbed - 19/03/2020 21:00

Today, after I'd had hip surgery, my sister thought it would be hilarious to hide my crutches from me. I can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 98

Triage

Real housewives

From a great height

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 14:29 - United States - Worcester

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 388

You deserved it 4 204

By geedeewhy - 01/01/2019 04:00

Today, my period was officially 2 weeks late. I have a phobia about giving birth, so I had a panic attack, went to Walmart, spend $15 on four pregnancy tests and a drink, came home, and took the tests. All four came back negative. As I went to clean up and throw everything away, I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 516

You deserved it 744

By usadisvet - 02/04/2015 06:43 - United States - Loudon

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 056

You deserved it 2 605

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 17:35 - United States - Keuka Park

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 276

You deserved it 2 538

By weddingblues - 30/05/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my fiancé informed me he didn't want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I'm marrying a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 513

You deserved it 23 585

Monster couch

By smurfette7413 - 13/10/2020 05:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a little fun when the pull-out couch decided to try to eat us. Now I have a broken nose and my boyfriend keeps making jokes about the "human eating couch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 165

Oh no…

By Augh. - 09/10/2009 02:30 - United States

Today, I discovered that the school I transferred from last year is closing. All the people that I so happily escaped from and left behind at that school will now be flocking to my new school senior year. Faaaantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 250

You deserved it 3 623

By will - 14/08/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 198

Gamergate

By Anonymous - 05/07/2020 08:01

Today, after I bought a gaming system two days ago, for too much money, to distract myself from all the horrible things going on in my life and the world, it broke. So now I’m trying to distract myself from the thing I bought to distract myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 218

By snidpea - 31/01/2010 17:07 - France

Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 998

You deserved it 3 470

By juice723 - 20/11/2013 11:09 - United States - Marblehead

Today, my friends started calling me "Soberman" because I recently gave up alcohol and have a Doberman. Normally, I wouldn't mind the nickname, but they call me Soberman everywhere. My new boss now thinks it's because I AM an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 339

You deserved it 3 178

By Jocelyn - 25/11/2012 07:12 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was walking home, when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. After retracing my steps, I realized that I'd been listening to music from my phone the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 619

You deserved it 30 652

It's not me

By LDF - 25/12/2008 10:30 - France

Today, I was sitting in a train when the old lady sitting next to me started staring at me. I asked her if she was OK, and she exclaimed, "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?" The entire train trip went like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 072

You deserved it 1 920

Balls

By onehitwonder - 10/02/2011 07:26

Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 829

You deserved it 3 785

By Anonymous - 05/09/2014 21:54 - United States - Conway

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 554

You deserved it 19 201

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 10:52 - United States

Today, I learned what it felt like to get shot in the nuts by an airsoft gun. Thank you, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 341

You deserved it 4 728

Too late

By Anonymous - 08/06/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house. It was dark and downpouring so I couldn't see as I was backing out of his driveway. I made it out, but then my phone went off, scaring me, and I accidentally hit the gas pedal, hitting his neighbor's parked car. Turns out he called to warn me to watch out for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 161

You deserved it 7 492

By Anonymous - 27/11/2012 21:04 - Sweden - ?rsta

Spicy

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 430

You deserved it 4 142

Brain melt

By coco1234 - 09/03/2020 12:35

Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 1 347

By Anonymous - 08/10/2010 12:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 372

You deserved it 6 725

By meg265 - 24/10/2009 16:11 - United States

Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 024

You deserved it 9 114

By TotallyFkd - 22/01/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 588

You deserved it 2 938

Next

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 00:01

Today, I took a girl out on a date. We had dinner, we had good conversation, the vibe was excellent, and everything was great. I took her to a bar I frequent after for a couple of drinks to finish the night. She left with some other dude on his motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 95

By pale-suzie - 19/03/2014 12:28 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 966

You deserved it 4 279

By Brony - 22/10/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that everyone in my dorm knows I watch My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 529

You deserved it 43 322

By thenanny - 15/08/2016 17:14 - United States - East Syracuse

Today, I got a very nice compliment on my bra. But it was from a five-year-old after her 6-month-old brother threw up on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 002

You deserved it 953

By gbabyy - 22/11/2009 03:25 - United States

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 688

You deserved it 6 868

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 17:07 - United States

Today, while driving home with my boyfriend, we started discussing how clean our driving records were. I was boasting about how I'd never been in an accident when I hit a moose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 822

You deserved it 34 206

Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell

By nasuma - 11/10/2019 20:00

Today, I took a legitimate IQ test and got a score of 80. My parents both have IQ scores above Einstein’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 274

By need new job - 24/04/2016 18:12 - Germany

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 348

You deserved it 1 406

By talt - 10/12/2018 12:30

Today, I went to the hospital for taking to many anxiety meds cause of a panic attack over my finals. They decided the best way to fix this will be to involuntarily commit me to psychiatric treatment for 72 hours... missing all my finals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 660

You deserved it 668

Loser

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 01:00

Today, the dog my now ex-boyfriend and I own together bit me bad enough that I needed stitches on my face and my hand... he then broke up with me and saying it was all too much for him and has kept the dog... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 195

By fuckingbeliebers - 04/08/2012 17:15 - United States - Gorham

Today, my friend and I were discussing music bands, and I asked who her favorite Queen member is. She looked at me like I was from another world and said, "I don't have a favorite British queen. That's like, so weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 976

You deserved it 3 489

Spreading

By Bubbilility - 26/12/2020 20:02 - Australia

Today, my mother called me from the other side of the world to tell me she's got Covid. She got it from a friend, who later told her that they had attended anti-mask rallies. She's only been visiting her friend because she needs internet to keep working and can't get it where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 112

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By Anonymous - 04/11/2020 20:03 - United States - Herndon

Today, I learned that my best friend has been cheating on his girlfriend for 2 months. This is the same person who, 2 months ago, wanted to break our friendship off because he thought we "got too close" and felt like he was cheating on his girlfriend by spending too much time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 992

You deserved it 236

By fireman - 06/10/2010 09:31 - United States

Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 984

You deserved it 8 351

By Debra - 14/05/2018 13:00 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I had the class clown of my preschoolers oversleep our daily 15-minute nap. Not wanting to spare any more class time on his disrupting jokes, I let the headache sleep. After another 10 minutes we called an ambulance. He had a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 901

You deserved it 976

By Mr Eek - 25/10/2008 16:57

Spicy

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 466

You deserved it 12 401

Don't leave my baby boy

By Julia - 17/03/2021 02:01

Today, after a year of unemployment due to my industry shutdown, I finally got a job offer. It involves overseas travel. After being cooped up a year, I'm thrilled! My boyfriend's mother is willing to pay my rent and bills for me to stay home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 126

By TheRawrza - 26/04/2009 09:47 - United States

Today, I was at a pool party. Standing outside of the pool, I was hesitant about taking my shirt off. A girl in the pool shouted "Hey, you're not the only fat one here, don't feel bad!". I was worried about what my friends would think of my new bellybutton ring, I don't think I'm fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 168

You deserved it 8 219

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Top comments

ViviMage 38

Friday 20 March 2020 1:27

Make her find them, or buy you a new set.

WistayShlaio82 13

Send a private message

Thursday 19 March 2020 22:03

Have her bring you things

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 19 March 2020 21:16

Well I’m laughing

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 19 March 2020 21:44

Does she have video of you scrabbling around on the floor like a crab looking for your crutches? Please ask her to post it so we can all enjoy the hilarity of it (except you, of course.)

WistayShlaio82 13

Send a private message

Thursday 19 March 2020 22:03

Have her bring you things

ViviMage 38

Friday 20 March 2020 1:27

Make her find them, or buy you a new set.

Send a private message

Friday 20 March 2020 7:26

I feel bad for laughing

distortedcognition 17

Send a private message

Saturday 21 March 2020 6:43

So she’s good at hide and seek?

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 48

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 146

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 47