Today, I was teaching my one year-old some new words. He pointed to the picture of a pig and said, "Mama". Guess I better start that diet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML
Today, my 7 year-old looked at me and stated, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML
Today, I'm on a diet. I was compelled to start it when the only pet name my boyfriend could think of for me yesterday was, "My baby elephant." FML
Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML
Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML
Today, I was babysitting for a new family. The youngest said, "Wow! You have huge nostrils!" She noticed my offended look and pushed her nose up like a pig's, saying, "It’s okay! Now I do too!" FML
Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML
Today, my 3 year-old saw the stretch marks on my stomach and proudly exclaimed, "Bacon!" After talking with my husband, he admitted that he agreed with our son's evaluation. FML
Today, while at work I was reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to me class of 5 year olds. I got near the end of the book and said "Look at the big fat caterpillar" to which one of my pupils replied "Just like you, Miss!" FML
Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML
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Top comments
darnellq 13
Does your kid watch Peppa Pig? That could be the correlation.
mskeptik 12
Something similar happened to me when my daughter was 16 months. She pointed to a picture of a chimpanzee and said, "Papa". I said, hey, baby, in about 13-14 years you will have an evolution class at school and you will know how correct you are, plus I guess I should have shaved more often.
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
Or you could just start squealing like a piggy. *banjo music in the distance*
darnellq 13
Does your kid watch Peppa Pig? That could be the correlation.
mskeptik 12
Something similar happened to me when my daughter was 16 months. She pointed to a picture of a chimpanzee and said, "Papa". I said, hey, baby, in about 13-14 years you will have an evolution class at school and you will know how correct you are, plus I guess I should have shaved more often.
WistayShlaio82 13
He’s one, don’t worry. Everything is going to be “momma” for a bit.