By Anonymous

Right place, wrong time

Today, as I'd been going to a gym with my wife as a guest on her account, I joined as a regular member. However, before I had time to go under my own membership, the gym closed down due to the coronavirus. FML

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1438

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Out of it

There's no helping some people

The X Factor

By themonkeyman - United States

Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13182

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29452

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By Anonymous - United States - Concord

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46832

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5516

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50562

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3897

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was making instant hot chocolate from the hot water dispenser in the break-room at work, a coworker informed me that it was industrial "recycled" wastewater that was only supposed to be used for washing tools. Thanks. I've only been doing that every day for the past 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31011

You deserved it

5240

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By manda - United States

Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple of weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56199

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7759

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By Mary Anne - 3/9/2020 09:04 - United States - Denver

Rack go thwack

Today, while at work, I walked head first into the edge of a clothing rack. I was looking right at it. People saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

941

You deserved it

407

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By Anonymous - Canada - Langley

Today, I managed to punch a customer's child as he walked around the corner just as I enthusiastically pointed his mother in the direction of what she was looking for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43927

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4550

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By Originality18 - United States

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51317

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7833

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By Anonymous - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

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61367

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5040

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By smh - Canada

Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of 5 adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules: No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML

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28622

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By TheSneakyNugget - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I watched a large, sweaty woman stick a hairbrush down her shirt to scratch a rash on her back, before putting it back on the shelf. FML

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16274

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1080

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By cricha4208 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54047

You deserved it

4247

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By owies :( - United States

Today, I was trying to replace the lightbulb in my bedroom. Since I couldn't reach it by myself, I grabbed and stood on a chair. After I got two broken bones, and had stitches in my forehead, I figured that using a chair with wheels probably wasn't the best idea after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11096

You deserved it

75395

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By moreliketurdmart - United States - Lynnwood

Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47049

You deserved it

5317

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By Chucho - United States - Boston

Today, my mom told me that she rather wait for the city bus all day, than allow me to give her a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20506

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3636

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By Parental Support - United States - Ellicott City

Today, I found out I was 13th in a graduating class of about 350 students. When I told my mother, without batting an eye, she told me, "Hey, shit floats". FML

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43528

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2968

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By Anonymous

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

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27237

You deserved it

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By Emily 1992 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, and for the past 3 days, I've had a massive migraine. It finally went away while I was at work, thanks to my nose bleeding all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1719

You deserved it

105

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By unloved - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML

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35640

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By Beeky - United States - Helena

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

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44901

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3225

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26383

You deserved it

13032

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By surfergal91 - United States

No Ragrets

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45619

You deserved it

4132

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By orilykid - United States - Richmond

Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26007

You deserved it

1946

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By badsister - United States

Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year old sister passed out on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14123

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Only tighty whities

Today, my brother aged 12 years old tried doing laundry for the first time and ruined all my clothes with bleach. When my dad drove him to Walmart to buy replacement clothes for me, he bought me tighty whities. We both have worn boxers our whole lives. My dad won't return them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1823

You deserved it

311

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had an allergic reaction to my deodorant. My armpits wouldn't stop itching, and by the time my shift was over, they were raw and bloody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34399

You deserved it

3701

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I'm so lazy, I dread getting up early on days that haven't arrived yet. For stuff I actually like doing, too. FML

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18195

You deserved it

5176

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By Pixel - Canada - Castlegar

Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37226

You deserved it

5408

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By Jimbob - 28/9/2020 17:01 - United States - Austin

Facts, feelings…

Today, I went on a first date. It started out OK, but halfway through he began "debating" me, talking just like Ben Shapiro. I thought he was joking, or at least satirising the worst way you could talk during a date. I was wrong; he was serious. I'm still not sure what set him off, but I couldn't get a word in edgeways in after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1131

You deserved it

240

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By mockable - United States

Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23455

You deserved it

2556

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30578

You deserved it

3045

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By fuckingcool

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13578

You deserved it

1021

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By fedupson - United States - Milpitas

Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30037

You deserved it

2634

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31498

You deserved it

3851

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By Stressed Mother - United States - Piscataway

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone call. They were impressed with me. That's when my son decided to throw a tantrum asking for food. After some silence, the caller told me they were looking for someone who wasn't juggling little kids at home and hung up. My son is 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37908

You deserved it

5957

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2020 09:05 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Can't get no…

Today, my seventy-year-old male live-in landlord asked if I'd heard a low humming noise the last few nights, around midnight, as someone had mentioned it. I feigned ignorance, whilst silently lamenting the decline of my self-pleasure opportunities. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1227

You deserved it

237

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By PissedbythePiper - United States - Saukville

Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26272

You deserved it

2900

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By sadpoorlady - United Kingdom - Appley Bridge

Today, my boyfriend used the "this isn't working, we need to talk" line on me. How nice of him to wait this long to do so, just days after we returned from the expensive Caribbean holiday that I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50765

You deserved it

4987

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2021 07:59 - United States

Still a better a love story than Alien vs. Predator

Today, the girl who I had a desperate crush on in high school 25 years ago, and who would never go out with me, told me that she was actually head over heels in love with me, but was so cripplingly shy that she couldn't say yes. She's divorced now. I'm married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

982

You deserved it

199

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By Anonymous - United States - Boston

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

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48634

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7890797 - Friday 20 March 2020 1:21

Aw, that sucks. I'm so sorry. You seemed to have joined a bad gym.

Ever since the pandemic started, my gym has gone to being open 28 hours a day, there are mandatory massages and the hot tubs are filled with champagne. I just assumed all gyms did that. Sorry.

By Briarpatch | 21

#7890865 - Friday 20 March 2020 3:13

If the gym is like most other gyms, it will place all memberships on hold until they open again. So no loss on your part, other than losing a place to go work out for a while. Like all the rest of us with gym memberships.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7890797 - Friday 20 March 2020 1:21

By Briarpatch | 21

#7890865 - Friday 20 March 2020 3:13

By JuliaKay14 | 32

#7890866 - Friday 20 March 2020 3:26

Calm down, it’s not forever

By silentbabydeer | 10

#7891006 - Friday 20 March 2020 18:08

You’re not the only one. I bought a gym member two weeks before it closed. I’m not too upset about it because I know it is not a permanent thing, only temporary.

By ashbashlove | 2

#7891357 - Sunday 22 March 2020 8:26

Grow up. And wash your hands while you’re at it!

By rotflqtms_ | 19

#7891582 - Monday 23 March 2020 2:18

I don't go to the gym. I put my fan on and hop into vr and get myself a good workout. Take some breaks for water and continue until I'm in dire need of a shower. Then repeat the next day.