ALL FML

OP here. Just a few things I'd like to clarify: 1. We both live with our parents, and we have a dog together. I had been taking care of his dog while his parents were at work, before I had to go to work myself. He told me his mom rushed out of the house that morning without letting out our dog, and asked me to get there ASAP. So, when I got there, I saw he was home a few days earlier than anticipated. Turns out it was his way of surprising me, which was super sweet. 2. We're on a level where calling each other asshole, dick, and other such things is fine — it's more of a term of endearment at this stage. 3. I'm lucky enough that, once I explained to my boss what happened, he just laughed and told me to make good choices. Thank God for understanding bosses!

By Anonymous - 16/08/2016 17:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend crashed our car into the car ahead. He was trying to pull away from the traffic lights faster than the person next to us, a ten-year-old kid on a bicycle. FML

agreeclassic 13 699

vote type 1 1 602

By hannax - 16/08/2016 17:26 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I was spending the night at my fiancé's house. He knew my period was about to start, so he asked if he needed to put a tarp down on the bed. He was dead serious. FML

agreeclassic 15 346

vote type 1 1 721

By Anonymous - 16/08/2016 16:10 - United States - Richmond

Today, my ex-husband introduced our daughter to her "new mommy". That's the third time this year. FML

agreeclassic 17 199

vote type 1 1 219

By Anonymous - 16/08/2016 08:26 - United States - Wasilla

Today, I was woken up by my dad screaming that the ship was sinking. I started freaking out before I realized that I was sleeping on my couch at home and was not in fact on a ship. FML

agreeclassic 13 898

vote type 1 1 816

By Jenbearish - 16/08/2016 04:58

Today, the laziest person in my department came and complained to me, while I was working, that they didn't know why we were so far behind today. Then they went to chat to their friend for 45 minutes. I know why. FML

agreeclassic 15 852

vote type 1 1 085

Dating is hell

By ZombiKilla - 16/08/2016 02:46 - United States - Delta

Today, I went on a date. Met the guy at the restaurant, everything seemed to be going OK, but then he spent the entire dinner talking about Pokemon GO, and wouldn't let me say a word. He suddenly stops talking, gets up, says he, "doesn't feel a connection" and leaves. I had to pay the bill. FML

agreeclassic 18 602

vote type 1 1 569

By PeedMaPants - 16/08/2016 00:04 - United Kingdom - Meopham

Today, I started my first day at work. When I used the bathroom, I thought I was peeing into the bowl but it was actually leaking out. My pants kindly cleaned up the mess. FML

agreeclassic 13 384

vote type 1 2 370

By Felinefine - 15/08/2016 19:33 - United Kingdom - South Petherton

Today, after changing and dressing my 6-month-old into his super cute brand new outfit, I saw the telltale sign of him about to vomit. Without thinking, I cup my hand under his mouth and catch it all. I had to sit there with a hand full of puke and nowhere to dump it. FML

agreeclassic 13 915

vote type 1 2 518

By ihatemyjob - 15/08/2016 19:12

Today, I worked from 8 to 7 without a break and I'm still not done with my assignment. Meanwhile, my coworker crafted a piece of paper looking like a watermelon slice and posted a picture of herself seemingly taking a bite out of it. FML

agreeclassic 13 629

vote type 1 1 043

Medicare for all!

By YoungSmileBones - 15/08/2016 18:29 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, I'm so broke that I'm thinking about using a glass of whiskey and a pair of pliers to pull out my broken wisdom teeth. FML

agreeclassic 14 070

vote type 1 1 347

Assumptions

By Epithymia - 15/08/2016 15:09 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I went to the chiropractor for a check up. She was going through some of the ways to help my posture and mentioned something that I've never heard before. My fat ass thought it was a type of food. Turns out it was a sports routine. FML

agreeclassic 11 638

vote type 1 3 010

Kinda sus, dude

By tee - 15/08/2016 13:54 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I found out people are suspicious of me at work because I do a good job. FML

agreeclassic 14 260

vote type 1 1 498

By Raptorcake - 15/08/2016 12:50 - Australia - Calwell

Today, it's my birthday and I celebrated with friends. I now have 34 individual copies of the first Twilight movie. FML

agreeclassic 13 851

vote type 1 1 888

By novacabudsforme - 15/08/2016 10:11 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my mother told me that I could take a friend on vacation with us. Then she added that because I have no friends, my brother can bring his girlfriend instead. FML

agreeclassic 14 212

vote type 1 1 009

By WendigogoAway - 15/08/2016 09:46 - United States - Toledo

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to the sound of my cat knocking things over. It wasn't until my boyfriend sat upright and checked, that I realized it actually wasn't our cat, but my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend trying to get into our second-story window. This isn't the first time she's done this. FML

agreeclassic 16 743

vote type 1 1 030

WendigogoAway app_comment_confession_title

WendigogoAway 11

Tuesday 16 August 2016 15:02

OP here (I made this account after submitting this, I didn't think it would get accepted.) Basically after her constantly cheating on him, claiming he was abusive despite her being physically abusive to him, and lying all the time, he'd had enough and threw her out since she decided to keep going back and forth between him and another guy. (And she had the balls to claim she was pregnant with his kid, even though she was on birth control). She'd left a ton of her stuff, and even though he'd texted her/called her to tell her that if she didn't pick it up he'd throw it all out, she never replied or made any indication that she was going to pick it up. Suddenly she thinks it's a good idea to come at over at random times, climb the side of the house, and try to get in the window, saying she needs to get in the garage and get some old stuff. (I have no idea why, because there's literally nothing in there that is worth this much trouble.) The reason why she climbs the side of the house is because my boyfriend and I both live with his dad by paying rent and just living upstairs. His dad doesn't want her around the house anymore because of their previous arguments, which made the environment depressing, and the fact that she put a hole in the wall before. This was the last straw, she hadn't come around for months and after shooing her away this time, we're going to take legal action if it happens again. Neither of us knew how to properly react since it was so early in the morning that we just wanted to get some sleep. (I couldn't manage to fall asleep until at least 9AM)