Today, my father told me that because of my 4.0 with all AP classes,... - FML

By Shuntbob - 15/1/2018 17:30 - United States - Herriman

Today, my father told me that because of my 4.0 with all AP classes, I could choose where to eat tonight. My stepmother told him I wanted to eat at IKEA, of all places, because that's what she wanted. Guess who he believed, and guess where I am right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5474

You deserved it

338

Tweet

Share

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Live dumping

Everyone's an expert

By qourt - 14/2/2019 15:34 - United States

Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24279

You deserved it

2252

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/4/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years (whom I was hoping to have a future with) to talk to him about it, all he said was "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

64713

You deserved it

7318

Tweet

Share

By dickface - 28/3/2011 20:13 - Canada

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60589

You deserved it

29915

Tweet

Share

By IguessFML - 20/10/2017 05:00

Congratulations. You played yourself.

Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3284

You deserved it

568

Tweet

Share

By a very mad sister - 11/12/2016 01:33 - United States - Pomona

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have over 200 people show up at my house to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Apparently, this was his "I'm sorry" present for missing my wedding last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8966

You deserved it

674

Tweet

Share

By BeatenUpPup - 18/5/2009 12:22 - Canada

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46102

You deserved it

5774

Tweet

Share

By MUemma - 26/2/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me. He told me he was cheating on me, and that he wanted to break up. I was so angry that as he left, I started screaming at him out of my second story apartment window. I picked up a huge potted plant and shoved it through the window at him. It missed my ex and hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14793

You deserved it

48082

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/8/2012 02:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I woke up to an angry text from my roommate asking me to please let her know next time I'm going to have a friend crashing on the couch. I have no idea who she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26772

You deserved it

1731

Tweet

Share

By YouAREthefather - 18/3/2010 16:48 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store, holding hands with his very pregnant girlfriend. They were buying baby supplies. We had a very nasty and painful breakup not even three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45229

You deserved it

3820

Tweet

Share

By Marie - 27/7/2010 07:46 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards a group of guys playing basketball, who stopped and stared at me while saying, "Daaaamn..." As I passed them, one of them said, "She looked hotter from a distance." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37138

You deserved it

5123

Tweet

Share

By Numbnuts - 8/3/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11272

You deserved it

38318

Tweet

Share

By Jenn - 16/8/2014 12:10 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I complained to my two roommates about housework not being done. They both put their hands over their ears and started screaming at the top of their voice. They do this pretty much whenever I say anything to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44284

You deserved it

5573

Tweet

Share

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 16:44 - France

Today, during a drunken night out, a really trashed friend said to me, "Jeez, even when I’m drunk, you're really ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33445

You deserved it

4061

Tweet

Share

By frankrizzo - 1/2/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41912

You deserved it

8940

Tweet

Share

By ASMR - 26/5/2019 15:00

Today, I woke up with laryngitis. I just got hired as a waitress. Tomorrow is opening day, the restaurant plays loud music and I can't speak any louder than a whisper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1880

You deserved it

111

Tweet

Share

By 3somer - 20/8/2017 04:29

Ménage à nope

Today, I received a text from the woman with whom my boyfriend and I recently had a threesome. After years of fantasizing, I finally experienced what it was like to be with another girl. Now we also get to experience what it's like to have gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3802

You deserved it

4722

Tweet

Share

By ThisIsMyLife - 4/6/2017 04:00

Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4435

You deserved it

1554

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/2/2013 07:44 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41154

You deserved it

4574

Tweet

Share

By phantom-yamato - 1/5/2020 17:00

Germ warfare

Today, I accidentally scanned a customer’s item twice. Before I could take it off, she quickly leaned over the counter and coughed on me. Repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1987

You deserved it

100

Tweet

Share

By FoodyFood - 19/3/2012 04:59 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22957

You deserved it

14644

Tweet

Share

By Cheated - 3/8/2010 04:07 - Canada

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60111

You deserved it

4530

Tweet

Share

By rivercitybarf - 8/8/2009 08:48 - United States

Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46580

You deserved it

6867

Tweet

Share

By Phantommajik - 10/5/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I was stuck at the airport overnight waiting for my flight for about 5 hours. I then went and looked at the departures board. It said that my flight had already departed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30712

You deserved it

20266

Tweet

Share

By Oh_baby - 10/6/2009 17:35 - United States

Today, I checked facebook, only to find out that my close cousin is now married. When I looked at the pictures, I saw that my whole family was there - including my sister, mother and father. I was the only one who wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69904

You deserved it

4410

Tweet

Share

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - 15/7/2016 20:27 - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14540

You deserved it

1002

Tweet

Share

By CatBlock - 31/1/2014 06:16 - United States - Decatur

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54007

You deserved it

7929

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/7/2013 16:07 - United States - Katy

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56630

You deserved it

22975

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/11/2011 17:20 - Romania

Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44221

You deserved it

3610

Tweet

Share

By ElleSavage - 26/5/2018 01:30

Today, I finally found a dress I'd been missing for months. It was in a casket, on my recently deceased cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4662

You deserved it

249

Tweet

Share

By Will - 15/12/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27818

You deserved it

5041

Tweet

Share

By wrongcar - 3/11/2009 18:00 - United States

Today, I was pulled over and was given a $300 ticket for going 90mph on a 70mph highway. The cop swore he saw my silver car darting in and out of traffic. A couple of minutes earlier that exact car had passed me while I was following the speed limit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38162

You deserved it

2497

Tweet

Share

By izziegrl - 24/9/2012 18:21 - Mexico - Naucalpan

Today, I realized that I spend more money on gas to go to my job than what I get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28304

You deserved it

3600

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/1/2014 17:21 - United Kingdom - Aberystwyth

Today, after waiting two weeks for an email with my online textbook access code, it still hadn't arrived in time for my quiz tomorrow, so I ended up spending most of my money on the expensive physical copy. Not long after I got back home, the email finally arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47083

You deserved it

5010

Tweet

Share

By nick - 12/5/2010 09:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27172

You deserved it

5960

Tweet

Share

By - 29/12/2020 18:00

Parents love

Today, I walked in on my dad masturbating to a nude photo of my mum on the computer. She passed away four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2417

You deserved it

981

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/10/2019 04:00

Jedi mind trick

Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2101

You deserved it

177

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 13:43 - United States - Romulus

Today, in calculus, our substitute teacher told me I was smart. Everybody in the class, including my friends, burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46705

You deserved it

4702

Tweet

Share

By iwantaraise - 14/10/2015 01:55 - Australia

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29125

You deserved it

3030

Tweet

Share

By babydoll - 12/10/2010 09:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34905

You deserved it

8317

Tweet

Share

By Wtfbro - 24/12/2013 20:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years got me a ring for Christmas. When I opened it, I was speechless and overjoyed. He then said, "It's just a ring. It doesn't mean anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50905

You deserved it

5769

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7586772 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 1:34

So I guess when you order food, they give you a box full of ingredients and a tiny butter knife?

By marecu | 13

#7586776 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 1:43

Maybe your stepmom just thought a 4.0 was worth a $4 meal

COMMENTS

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7586772 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 1:34

So I guess when you order food, they give you a box full of ingredients and a tiny butter knife?

Reply

Dave_Davington | 33

#7586773 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 1:34

*butter knife. Goddamnit me, that is not a question.

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#7587164 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 21:53

It works better as a question, honestly.

By LeoCor | 18

#7586774 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 1:36

Man, parents never believing what their kid says?? That’s so uncommon!

By marecu | 13

#7586776 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 1:43

Maybe your stepmom just thought a 4.0 was worth a $4 meal

By RichardPencil | 28

#7586777 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 1:50

Swedish meatballs and lingonberry soda — FTW!

By manb91uk | 22

#7586778 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 1:55

IGUESS you’re FEELINA little bit flat RITEBOUT now?

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7586779 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 2:09

Go celebrate with your friends later and don't invite your dad and especially not your stepmom.

By Notmymonkeysnotmycircus | 16

#7586781 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 2:23

You can eat there? I thought that’s where you bought like furniture and crap?

Reply

acmariner99 | 23

#7586783 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 2:26

Clearly you need to get out more.

Reply

Notmymonkeysnotmycircus | 16

#7586784 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 2:27

There’s no Ikea where I live

Reply

Sinshine | 27

#7586927 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 11:46

I knew there was food at IKEA. I'm just really surprised that people WANT to go there. I thought it's more of a "Ok so we bought furniture and the kids keep whining about being hungry so... fiiine"

By acmariner99 | 23

#7586782 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 2:25

Yet another narcissistic twatwaffle of a parent.

By Adam Daniel | 20

#7586786 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 2:33

aww poor OP! Your stepmom is the bitch, your dad meant well I would think :(

By RichardPencil | 28

#7586789 - Tuesday 16 January 2018 3:07

While you’re there, why not pick up a SKÄNKSKA, a FEMMEN VÅG and a DOMBÅS? (Yes, they are all real IKEA products!)