Today, I was doing a PowerPoint presentation in front of my whole... - FML

By notyouraverage - 3/4/2018 19:00

Today, I was doing a PowerPoint presentation in front of my whole class, when I accidentally clicked on the folder that has zillions of pictures of my crush. He's one of my classmates. FML

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By mom - 26/4/2018 15:00

Today, after it appeared my daughter was throwing away any vegetables in her school lunch, I packed her all vegetables so she would have to eat at least one. Nope! She threw them out and complained to school that "mommy doesn't feed" her. I got a call from the school. FML

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By allergic_to_bull - 8/10/2014 18:48 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

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By fucktheearth - 20/4/2016 03:32 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was sitting at my desk when out of nowhere I had a "silent sneeze attack". Someone in the office called the paramedics because they thought I was having a seizure. This is the third time this has happened this week. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed a cute guy at the pump next to me. When I was done, I gave him a wink before opening my car door. It was locked. I had to call my Dad to bring my spare keys. The guy was laughing the whole time as I waited for my Dad to show up. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2014 21:14 - United States - Margate City

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 02:00

What was the point?

Today, four years after my husband passed away, my mother in law thought it was the right time to tell me my husband was cheating on me, and that they had met her and everything. FML

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By dammit_ - 16/2/2009 07:36 - Canada

Today, I walked by my roommate and his girlfriend while they were hugging. I asked "what's up lovebirds?". Turns out they were in the middle of a breakup. FML

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By Retailhell - 22/12/2014 06:25 - United States

Today, since it's company policy, I had to go to the back of my small store to retrieve an item for a customer, even though I was working by myself. I came back to find that since she couldn't get into the cash register, she found and stole my purse instead. FML

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By taiannalynn5 - 2/3/2011 23:43

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the bed, when he started to tickle me. I tried to pull away but he pushed me back down. I ended up hitting my eye on the corner of the nightstand. His comment was "this is why you shouldn't struggle." FML

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By jacobianscum - 29/11/2015 07:05 - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, after 3 months of successful business at my restaurant, sales are down the shitter. Why? Because some no-life troll started posting loads of bad reviews online. He uses different names, but nothing in the reviews has ever happened. We can't get the reviews taken down. FML

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By broken - 13/9/2009 04:26 - United States

Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML

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By elijah - 17/8/2012 14:27 - United States

Today, my mom bitched me out, calling me a selfish pig and saying that the reason I don't have a girlfriend is because I'm so conceited. All of this because I started watching the latest episodes of Breaking Bad without her. FML

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By Michael978 - 29/4/2016 03:40

Today, I was teaching a friend to squat. While I was spotting him, he decided it would be a great idea to turn around. This wouldn't have been a problem, if he hadn't hit me in the face with the bar. FML

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By must be adopted - 11/2/2013 01:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I casually mentioned to my dad that it was the Chinese New Year yesterday. He accused me of insulting his intelligence by "making stupid shit up." I explained that it's real, and that we just use the Gregorian calendar, hence the different dates. He responded by grounding me. FML

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By NotDrunk - 11/9/2012 06:47 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2014 21:00 - United States

Today, my dad has discovered selfies and my mom has discovered taking pictures of food. Now I'm at a restaurant, suffering through it all and not being able to eat anything until my mom has taken pictures of it. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2018 14:00

Today, we had our busiest day at work all year with lots of angry people calling, and a co-worker called in sick. I went to my local game shop after work, exhausted and upset, and guess who was at his usual table running a Dungeons and Dragons group, apparently not too sick to go out. Yeah. FML

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By fatty - 29/4/2015 01:36 - United States - West Chester

Today, I was sitting in McDonald's. A lady came up to me and started complaining about the bad service, and asked for the manager. I told her that I didn't work there. "But you must, someone that fat has to work here!" FML

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By EvictingItSoon - 8/3/2020 23:07

The miracle of barf

Today, what I thought was food poisoning is actually a baby. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was cuddling with the girl I've been seeing for the past few months. She was saying how much she liked me and how much I meant to her. Reciprocating those feelings, I asked her to be my girlfriend. It was a HARD no for her. Then she drove me an hour and a half home. FML

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By princess4242 - 26/2/2010 09:10 - India

Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML

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By mystery - 17/6/2012 02:08 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. She hadn't even called me; I saw the news on my Facebook news feed. FML

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By CallmeTokey - 12/7/2016 03:21

Today, as I was laying on the bottom part of my bunk bed, I noticed a beam on the underside of the top bunk that seemed to have no place being there, so I tried to find out what it was. I soon discovered it was to support the bed after it promptly collapsed on me. FML

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By Abyssal - 4/4/2011 18:29 - United States

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

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By Meow - 11/7/2009 06:28 - Australia

Today, while working at McDonald's a car full of obnoxious teens came through. They had made a $30 order, and handed me a tin of small change, claiming that on a McDonald's ad they saw that we, employees, liked counting change. I had to count out $30 in spare change during a rush period at work. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2010 03:41 - United States

Today, I was chatting with a cute guy on Omegle. He seemed really friendly and interested after I had showed him a picture of me. When I mentioned that I play music, he seemed even more interested, so I gave him the link to my music Myspace. I waited patiently. He disconnected. FML

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By Kerlane - 5/12/2008 03:45 - France

Today, I was sitting on the bus on my commute to work, when I nodded off on the charming young man next to me. Something cold and wet touched me, and I looked down to see a small pool of my saliva collecting on my chest. The man thought this was hilarious. FML

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By NevertheKool - 7/5/2015 21:43 - United States - Union City

Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza and ended up falling asleep on my coach. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2012 19:18 - United Kingdom - Eynsham

Today, I attempted to wax my "lady area". It hurt more than losing my virginity. FML

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By infrontofninepeople - 30/6/2015 20:31 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I went on a Segway tour in Budapest. The Segways have an automatic speed limiter, and to release it and get back to normal speed, you have to brake. Unfortunately, I forgot my speed limiter was on and so, while trying to brake, I instead returned to normal speed and crashed into a tree. FML

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By Finesse7791 - 20/9/2009 12:28 - United States

Today, my friend called saying she was gathering all her girlfriends for a girl's night out. I was thrilled with the idea and started to think of something to wear. She then asked if I would mind watching her son. FML

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By GOAWAY - 26/12/2014 23:06 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML

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By corfan01 - 5/10/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I got a red light camera ticket for $100 in the mail. After checking the date and time, I realized it was from when I was rear ended into the intersection while STOPPED at a red light. FML

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By SchoolSucks - 19/2/2013 17:05 - United States

Today, it's my first day at a new school. I transferred here halfway through the year to get away from a girl who bullies me. She's apparently bullied her mom into transferring her here as well. FML

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By jacey chreyest - 14/2/2014 21:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

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By I hate Walmart???? - 24/2/2014 09:36 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I went to the self-checkout line at Walmart. When I tried to pay, the cash wouldn't go in, so I stood there trying to cram money into the thing that's supposed to take your money. What I didn't realize was that there was a sign up top that said: "No Cash. Cards Only." FML

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By Bear - 1/2/2009 17:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 09:07 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend said he wants a Hello Kitty wedding. FML

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By TappedAnts - 8/4/2016 01:45 - United States - Seabrook

Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2014 15:43 - United States - South Salem

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

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Top comments

By MidnaLink | 32

#7618556 - Tuesday 3 April 2018 19:05

Yeah, you sound WAY too creepy.

By Zekfen | 17

#7618561 - Tuesday 3 April 2018 19:17

As long as you didn’t mention your shrine in your bed room the embarrassment will die down in a few years

COMMENTS

By MidnaLink | 32

#7618556 - Tuesday 3 April 2018 19:05

Yeah, you sound WAY too creepy.

By Victoria Juan | 5

#7618557 - Tuesday 3 April 2018 19:07

super creeper status...

By Zekfen | 17

#7618561 - Tuesday 3 April 2018 19:17

As long as you didn’t mention your shrine in your bed room the embarrassment will die down in a few years

By chels0792 | 6

#7618562 - Tuesday 3 April 2018 19:18

Wow, that's really not okay.

By manb91uk | 22

#7618563 - Tuesday 3 April 2018 19:24

Couldn't you have just favoured his Instagram profile like every other 21st Century stalker?

By RipperoniPizza | 19

#7618564 - Tuesday 3 April 2018 19:25

I would be terrified if I was him honestly.

By SwordSlashBlade | 13

#7618569 - Tuesday 3 April 2018 19:44

I have no idea how one “accidentally” double clicks a folder DURING a PowerPoint presentation, but sure ... why not ... “accidentally.”

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7618578 - Tuesday 3 April 2018 20:07

Start expecting a restraining order in the mail soon.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7618583 - Tuesday 3 April 2018 20:17

That's not creepy at all.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7618584 - Tuesday 3 April 2018 20:17

Try desperately to pass it off as part of your PowerPoint presentation--otherwise, I'd delete that folder immediately.