Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday.... - FML

By JustAGiftCardPlease - 16/6/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML

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Rock, hard place

Compassion

Abuse

By hugs511 - 25/7/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, I spent my date night babysitting. After waiting three hours later than I was supposed, the mother finally gets home at 11, too late for me to get out and have any fun. Already annoyed, I take the money as she says, "I hope this is enough, I got hungry and spent some of your money." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

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By CosmicJoke - 12/8/2009 14:20 - United States

Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML

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By Rhine - 16/12/2012 23:51 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

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By stabbed with kindness - 2/3/2013 21:44 - Russian Federation - Elektrostal

Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML

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By woof woof?? - 15/6/2013 20:26 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog. Now he won't stop patting my head and saying, "Who's a good girl?!" FML

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By HagFag - 10/11/2018 14:00

Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML

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By steph - 15/7/2018 09:00 - United States

Cropped Out

Today, my cousins cropped me out of a picture of all 6 of us at a wedding, then captioned it, "We have such a good-looking family!" FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML

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By burritobreasts - 15/10/2014 06:27

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

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By explodingpupppet - 30/9/2009 16:41 - United States

Today, after a month of searching, I found a perfect apartment which I rented out for the next few months. The rent was inexpensive and the place was close to my job. Turns out, my 'perfect' new apartment overlooks a nudist community. FML

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By maddie - 6/11/2013 05:06 - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that the guy I've been seeing is a firm supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church. FML

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By needurlove - 15/4/2012 06:49 - United States - Sandpoint

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2010 01:12 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

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By monkeycannon7 - 24/4/2012 16:36 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2019 18:00 - United Kingdom - London

To each their own

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

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By Whoops - 24/6/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 10:35 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML

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By Sunny - 18/9/2013 22:59 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

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By Raptorcake - 15/8/2016 12:50 - Australia - Calwell

Today, it's my birthday and I celebrated with friends. I now have 34 individual copies of the first Twilight movie. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2013 00:58 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

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By mchhhoi - 20/7/2009 06:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and were I getting it on in his bedroom where he had all of his anime models on display. I accidentally knocked over one of his models and it fell on to the floor. He got angry and kicked me out. Apparently, making his models look good was more important than us making love. FML

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By msassy - 19/5/2012 02:46 - United States - Lexington

Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML

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By yoggabe - 18/8/2012 20:34 - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I found out that my six year old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

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By NeverEscaping - 3/2/2013 00:52 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I decided at age 18 that it's time to put into storage the picture books that have been collecting dust in my room for nearly a decade. My mother took this as a sign that I'm planning to move out and abandon her forever, and has been crying for the last four hours. FML

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By LoadingMeows - 23/9/2016 01:17 - United States

Today, I was written up. Too many customers complained that I don't wear makeup or do my hair. I got written up for being ugly. FML

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By privatebathroomneeded - 16/12/2014 19:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

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By Heartbroken - 8/8/2018 07:00 - United States

She's got it going on!

Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML

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By MoncaBang - 29/1/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:49 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

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By Username - 27/9/2010 00:50 - France

Today, I was driving to my company picnic with 85 lbs of meat in the back seat, and 1 gallon of homemade BBQ sauce and mustard in large pans riding shotgun. As I drove down a steep hill, the BBQ sauce pan slid forward, hit the glove box and exploded in my front seat. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2014 19:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

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By jobless - 1/12/2015 04:01 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, HR sent a review email to me asking me to anonymously tell them about my boss. I decided to use this opportunity to tell them what a dick he was. I printed off the review, filled it out, then scanned and emailed it to myself. Or so I thought. Turns out I'd sent the review to my boss. FML

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By Canadagirl - 24/8/2017 01:30

Today, my boyfriend of seven and a half years broke up with me. By text message. FML

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By weneedthatmoneytoliveon - 26/6/2013 14:08 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2013 16:14 - United States

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2012 04:25 - Denmark - Frederiksberg

Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML

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By efmylife - 23/10/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML

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By dumb dancer - 5/12/2014 01:54 - United States - Saginaw

Today, I injured my knee during dance class. When it started to feel a little bit better, I tried dancing again. I tripped, fell, and broke my wrist. FML

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Top comments

By OmniFML | 0

#310133 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:45

Take a photo (a fake one of course) of you getting maimed by the robot. Send it to your parents with "YOU BROUGHT THIS UPON ME" attached to it.

By LesYeuxDeDario | 0

#310136 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:47

Wicked sense of humor, that's what they have ^^'
#6 : good one xD

COMMENTS

By Sweetlilit33 | 0

#310111 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:34

Lmaoooo wowwww FYL

By elliebutton | 0

#310131 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:44

lol.

By bedspring_kiss54 | 0

#310132 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:45

Ouch!.....that totally sucks. FYL.

Pax / peace!

By OmniFML | 0

#310133 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:45

Take a photo (a fake one of course) of you getting maimed by the robot. Send it to your parents with "YOU BROUGHT THIS UPON ME" attached to it.

By whatmarielsaid | 0

#310134 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:47

jeez, at least your parents care enough to give you a birthday gift.
stop your bitching, this is NOT an fml.

By LesYeuxDeDario | 0

#310136 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:47

Wicked sense of humor, that's what they have ^^'
#6 : good one xD

By gertrude7 | 9

#310139 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:52

hahaha #6
but seriously, how is this an FML?

By Xero3g | 5

#310144 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:53

Your parents need help.

By redbluegreen | 40

#310152 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:56

I guess your parents' sense of humor skipped a generation.

My family does this all the time.

By painfuldiodes | 0

#310154 - Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:58

pretty sure the two gifts weren't supposed to be related. Don't underestimate the toy robot, though, some of those things are expensive!!! I would love to still get gifts like that for my birthday. As it is, I get clothing.

and I agree, nice one #6 :)