Miscellaneous: Today, a real estate agent showed my house to some buyers. I... - FML

By visn - 17/06/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, a real estate agent showed my house to some buyers. I found out when I exited the shower, fully nude, to them in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 855

You deserved it 5 269

Dysfunctional

Own it

Real life

By brokenatthebar - 24/03/2017 09:00 - United States - Carleton

Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 709

You deserved it 299

By Anonymous - 17/07/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 610

You deserved it 47 138

By lawman - 15/08/2013 13:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 681

You deserved it 3 528

By KDM - 05/02/2012 19:39 - Australia

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 901

You deserved it 6 583

By Anonymous - 12/08/2015 17:50 - United States

Today, my psycho ex got into my wedding ceremony and attacked my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 814

You deserved it 2 487

By Anonymous - 17/10/2011 21:37 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way how easy it is to get on my boss's bad side. We were talking about reality TV shows and I'd mentioned how much I despise Snooki, and how useless to the planet she is. Now I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 185

You deserved it 6 355

By Jarman - 26/07/2012 05:39 - United States - Columbus

Spicy

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 868

You deserved it 5 851

By sadchick - 09/09/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, my mom found a new favorite game. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year and still have not been able to find a job (months after graduating college). Due to this stress I cry easily, her game? Seeing how many times a day she can make me boo-hoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 601

You deserved it 8 773

By thirdwheel - 09/07/2013 11:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush to a movie. What I didn't realise is that she would bring a "friend" along, and that I would have to sit next to them making out for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 351

You deserved it 4 813

Where's my explanation?

By wishyouweremeds - 30/10/2019 16:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after two and half years at my company and after recently being promoted, I was told by my boss the business doesn't feel it needs me, and invited me to find another job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 107

Used

By used - 02/11/2020 20:08 - Japan - Kobe

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend only texts me when she needs help with her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 108

Noise Annoys

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 06:04

Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 184

By unloved - 17/04/2012 14:54 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 652

You deserved it 2 731

By tigerbyrn - 30/05/2016 15:35 - Canada - Scarborough

Spicy

Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 934

You deserved it 2 054

By :( - 19/03/2013 20:12 - United States - Hilton Head Island

Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 836

You deserved it 4 024

By anon - 04/06/2009 11:35 - United States

Today, I was performing in an orchestra concert. My stand partner and I commented on people in the audience the whole time, saying how fat they were, etc. Towards the end of the concert, I realized we were sitting right by a microphone, and the whole audience could hear us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 068

You deserved it 103 098

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because we didn't have any ketchup packets. I work in a coffee shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 910

You deserved it 2 444

By sadguy - 22/09/2009 18:30 - Czech Republic

Today, I decided to propose to my girlfriend on the Charles Bridge in Prague. A little boy thought it would be fun to chase a flock of pigeons towards me. I freaked out and dropped the 2 carat diamond ring. Into the river. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 662

You deserved it 10 950

By 1nfected - 26/08/2009 17:07 - Canada

Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous co-worker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added the color was fitting perfectly with my acne... I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 259

You deserved it 3 616

Hi, how are you?

By black_pheonix77 - 03/07/2020 02:02

Today, even though I’m not allowed to be on my phone while on the line at work, I texted an unknown number. My manager looked at her Apple Watch. I'd texted my manager while on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 2 153

By catstew - 02/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 069

You deserved it 4 414

By PokeWife - 06/02/2013 13:38 - United States - Omaha

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon" and ended the same conversation with "and that's why we should divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 225

You deserved it 4 506

By footfetish - 02/02/2013 11:21 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 428

You deserved it 4 550

By Imretarded - 24/05/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 846

You deserved it 13 534

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 070

You deserved it 26 164

Slight overreaction?

By Anonymous - 19/03/2020 07:37

Today, my husband and I recently decided not to have kids, because neither of us like children. Learning this, my dad wrote me out of his will and my mother swore on the Bible in church that she’s never going to speak to me again until I obey God's word and start multiplying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 113

You deserved it 236

By SmoothTalker - 16/03/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied "oh I usually come early." She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 235

You deserved it 33 888

By Arthur - 07/05/2014 19:16 - United States

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 222

You deserved it 3 201

By babysitter - 17/04/2009 04:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 882

You deserved it 3 740

By blacksheep - 15/01/2017 16:00

Today, my 6 brothers and I (a girl) were finally finding out the sex of my mom's baby. It's going to be another boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 421

You deserved it 766

By poorman - 18/11/2013 22:14 - United States - Derwood

Today, I realized that my 5 year old son has more money saved up in his piggy bank than I have in my actual bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 898

You deserved it 10 302

By andrew - 04/04/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I broke a world record on third-wheeling with my friend and his girlfriend. As we were driving back from the beach, I took a nap and woke up to my friend receiving head in the front seat. They knew I was awake, but they continued and finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 189

You deserved it 915

By PokeTheBear - 22/07/2009 21:09 - Canada

Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 533

You deserved it 5 699

By not even getting any of her shrimp - 11/02/2014 21:50 - United States - Draper

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 575

You deserved it 6 494

April Fool's

By Ballprankster - 02/04/2021 16:57 - United States - New York

Today, I wanted to prank my husband and filled a kitchen cabinet with tennis balls. Not sure what was funnier, seeing his reaction when all the balls fell out, or the fact that before he got home, I forgot that I had placed the balls there and opened the cabinet myself. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 1 281

By facepalm - 14/06/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, I really had to go to the bathroom. Due to my fear of public restrooms, I made sure it was clear before I started. I heard someone sigh halfway through. Embarrassed, I waited a full ten minutes before leaving the stall, only to see that it was only the automatic air freshener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 932

You deserved it 35 712

By now have a cat - 24/04/2014 20:52 - United States - Glenview

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 742

You deserved it 3 948

By birdhater - 15/10/2009 06:16 - Australia

Today, the bird that has been stuck in my roof for two days, keeping me awake at night, finally flew out of the roof and into the house. As I was opening the door to send it outside, it flew straight back up into the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 801

You deserved it 2 654

By superconfused16 - 20/08/2010 22:36 - United States

Today, while leaving a restaurant, a little boy grabbed onto my leg and screamed, "Mommy! Don't leave me!" Then he looked up at my face, said, "Ewww," and ran away screaming in fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 926

You deserved it 4 458

By Female_Lucifer - 20/10/2013 13:02 - United States - New Lebanon

Spicy

Today, my father was taking pictures of my friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offered to show us. He scrolled one picture too far and ended up showing us a picture of his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 227

You deserved it 5 140

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 16:17

That was really rude of the agent to not give you a heads up since it is in bad taste to show a house with the owner sitting around inside it. Get a new agent.

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 16:39

"and thats the main bedroom with ensuite, now if you'll just follow me down the hall past the naked man ill show you the bathroom"

Comments

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 16:13

haha

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Sunday 11 April 2010 4:15

I bet they bought the house!!

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Wednesday 9 June 2010 1:36

if ur a hot guy it wouldn't matter

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 16:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

mexican_love10 2

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Friday 17 August 2012 4:43

Ew you're a creep!

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Thursday 17 September 2015 10:59

sexist pig.

elemenopyqrstuv 0

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 16:13

you should've expected it, because you're selling your house....

applebramble 22

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Friday 17 January 2014 9:00

Well yes , he would expect it when the real estate agent informs him when visitors will be expecting the house at least 24 hours before the inspection time . Its their policy when the owner is still in the house and has a bit more time before they have to pack up their personal stuff .

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 16:14

Haha, aw.

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 16:14

Surely the real estate agent would of told you she was coming?? You'll look if some single lady wants to know if you come with the place haha.

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 16:14

SWING YO JUNK AROUND

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 16:15

Lol, good one. Just a question, the buyers were silent the whole time? Otherwise you would've probably heard them.

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 16:54

With the water running?

_bj_ 0

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 16:16

hahaha shame you're a dude.

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 16:17

That was really rude of the agent to not give you a heads up since it is in bad taste to show a house with the owner sitting around inside it. Get a new agent.

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 18:16

Agree, and I actually think you could sue the agent for bringing strangers into your house without consent.

Thabb 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 13:41

So were the buyers female? I'm sure they enjoyed it.

whitehawk_fml 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 4:58

if they were u shoulda got a huge boner and started walking towards them

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Saturday 18 May 2013 15:40

#81- Oh yes, that's not creepy at all.

applebramble 22

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Friday 17 January 2014 9:01

Unless you're Christian Grey ;)

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 16:18

Isn't it the law that real estate agents have to call the home owner when they are going to show their house?

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 25

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 172