All the FMLs

By Tymer - 23/11/2012 15:56 - Canada - Malahat

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 762

You deserved it 3 840

By Jeanna S. - 23/11/2012 15:10 - United States

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 421

You deserved it 28 304

Fetch!

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 06:17 - United States - Oakland

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 302

You deserved it 3 690

By Unfortunate Painter - 23/11/2012 02:56 - United States - Merced

Today, I found out the can of spray paint I got at Walmart yesterday has no spray nozzle, rendering it useless. I'm working on a project that needs to be done by the weekend, so I get to go wait in a huge line and risk being trampled to death tonight just to exchange one damn spray paint can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 806

You deserved it 3 274

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 02:49 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she remarked how she couldn't believe we hadn't seen each other in a year. Except not only did I attend her baby shower a few weeks ago, I spent hundreds of dollars on a unique gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 281

You deserved it 2 886

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 01:34 - United States - Springville

Today, my cat went into labor. This is surprising since 6 years ago, we paid to have her spayed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 705

You deserved it 2 074

By DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE - 22/11/2012 21:03 - United States - Schertz

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 809

You deserved it 1 980

By Anonymous - 22/11/2012 17:35 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 086

You deserved it 1 842

By but I tried anal and everything - 22/11/2012 16:13 - United States - Des Moines

Today, in break from tradition, I proposed to my boyfriend. We were at a Japanese Pagoda. Water was trickling everywhere; the moment was perfect. While I was on my knee, after pouring my heart out, he looked wistfully out over the water and said, "So, I was thinking pizza tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 814

You deserved it 6 713

By Anonymous - 22/11/2012 09:39 - United States

Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 693

You deserved it 6 193

By Ophelia - 22/11/2012 05:44 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was so bored with my job at McDonald's that I actually hoped someone would come in and make a huge mess for me to clean. No one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 415

You deserved it 4 128

Ice cold break-up

By Ice cold - 22/11/2012 05:35 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 429

You deserved it 1 777

By Anonymous - 22/11/2012 04:31 - United States - Olympia

Today, I got laid off. Why would they lay me off right before the holidays? Because they want to make sure every one else gets a nice holiday bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 006

You deserved it 1 776

By nekkidness - 21/11/2012 21:06 - United States - Carthage

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 559

You deserved it 39 028

By anon - 21/11/2012 19:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 934

You deserved it 6 369

By anonymous - 21/11/2012 18:16 - United States - Tucson

Today, I have a final for my precalculus class. After hours of studying this week, I felt pretty optimistic. Until I got to class and realized that I'd forgotten my calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 270

You deserved it 7 671

MOVE!

By AHole - 21/11/2012 14:03 - United States - Grand Forks

Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 848

You deserved it 76 022

By WamBamSam - 21/11/2012 09:54 - United Kingdom - Kidderminster

Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 119

You deserved it 2 359

By Jo - 21/11/2012 05:42 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 948

You deserved it 3 977

By Anonymous - 21/11/2012 05:00 - United States - Casselberry

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 972

You deserved it 5 111

By vanillatwilight2 - 21/11/2012 04:50 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 048

You deserved it 2 859

vanillatwilight2 tells us more.

vanillatwilight2 6

Wednesday 21 November 2012 9:33

Hey guys, OP Here! (I realised I wasn't logged in when I posted this FML) Just letting you guys know that I don't actually live in Auckland and I do live in one of the towns that could be affected by the volcano.

Classic

By Hover Hand - 21/11/2012 02:37 - United States - Merchantville

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 162

You deserved it 23 012

By RayneSong - 20/11/2012 23:25 - United States - Lansing

Today, I'm in the hospital and it's been 44 hours since I've eaten anything. My doctors won't let me eat and my parents are sitting across the room, eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 088

You deserved it 1 830

By thinner than you - 20/11/2012 21:57 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 776

You deserved it 5 397

By babyblues - 20/11/2012 19:45 - United States - Woodhaven

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I haven't even taken a pregnancy test yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 902

You deserved it 31 031

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 17:23 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 768

You deserved it 3 471

Never again

By notAMrs - 20/11/2012 17:22 - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, I called off my engagement, after finding out my fiancé is cheating on me. I recently started a new job, and in anticipation of getting married, I asked that my username include his surname. They can't be changed, so now I get to log in every day under that sorry bastard's surname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 098

You deserved it 9 223

By Brian - 20/11/2012 15:50 - United States - Sandston

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 306

You deserved it 33 352

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 10:41 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 240

You deserved it 1 922

By TKay916 - 20/11/2012 08:47 - United States - Rescue

Today, I called Costco to ask them not to renew my membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minutes telling me why I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minutes over my minute allowance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 477

You deserved it 31 306

TKay916 tells us more.

TKay916 15

Tuesday 20 November 2012 18:11

Actually it is. I received a notice in the mail 2 weeks ago saying they'll renew my membership on the 25th and then bill me.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, after a 3-month dry spell and countless rejections, I gave up on being intimate with my girlfriend. Imagine my surprise when she came on to me and took me to bed. What triggered the love-making? Apparently she got horny from looking at an anime character's cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 786

You deserved it 316

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 375

You deserved it 5 250

Today, I had to pick up my son from school because he was constantly talking about his "Giant pen." In mid-July, I got him a giant-sized pen (writing utensil) and he liked it very much. Apparently, one of the teachers had their mind in the gutter and thought he was talking about… you know what. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 150

Today, my boss tested a candidate for my current position while I was out of the office. How did I find out? I work in HR and the test results were sent to my email. The reason I was out was to have emergency surgery. Now I get to recover and job search at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 518

You deserved it 227

Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 978

You deserved it 5 906

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 932

You deserved it 3 554