By Anonymous - 28/07/2013 04:59 - United States

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML
I agree, your life sucks 44 964
You deserved it 29 992

Same thing different taste

Top comments

No no, iPeterPan is right. You should always divorce your wife at the first sign of 1) anything wrong, 2) her being funnier than you, and 3) her being smarter than you. That's why I'm on wife #14.


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I'd rather ditch the moustache than the humourous wife I'm supposed to be in love with. But I'm a girl so I'd ditch the moustache either way.

No no, iPeterPan is right. You should always divorce your wife at the first sign of 1) anything wrong, 2) her being funnier than you, and 3) her being smarter than you. That's why I'm on wife #14.

That's one way to get a cop friend, OP.

TheDrifter 23

Yeah, no need to dump her, the prank war is on. Your next move should be to spray paint the contents of her closet with a witticism of your choice.

Hey doc, I mustache you a question. What if he rides in the truck and starts offering we blame the wife?

r_bruce69 19

Yes it was quite a few steps too far, but, if women should shave their legs, men should shave their faces if asked by their wives. That's fair. But this woman is a crazy bitch

OP and their wife might need to work things out if she gets so annoyed with him choosing to look the way he wants that she resorts to vandalism, but, I don't think that that means they need to divorce.

@82: And who is saying that OP is trying to force their wife to shave her legs? There is nothing wrong with a woman not shaving their legs, and there is no proof here that her husband is trying to be sexist and say she needs to.

There's a huge difference between sexist and decency, a woman not shaving her legs is freakin dank

generalasskicker 12

He shouldn't divorce her( I know you where being sarcastic) but she shouldn't be a bitch what if he likes the mustache. I mean shouldn't his wife accept a simple mustache I mean if she is the kind of women that paints cars over facial hair he is already overlooking a lot.

football98_fml 20

so she wants you to get arrested for not shaving your mustache?? you better get rid of the paint before someone calls the cops on you

uh. what? why would they arrest him? I mean besides the children locked in the cages in the back?

Dude he said get rid of the PAINT!! He said that OP should get rid of the paint on the van that says "Free Candy"

take a picture of you standing next to it. it will be a story for the grandkids. My grandmother has a kettle that doesnt sit flat on the stove because my grandfather's head dented it. When she hit him with it. 25 years ago. Still curses him and his hard head everytime she uses it. I hope to inherit it one day as a fond childhood meme. Grandma standing at the stove cursing Grandpa's head.

Hope it's a washable paint otherwise, what a c@#! of a move.

Pwn17 25

I like how you left in the first letter. I don't understand the point of censoring on a site where nearly everyone (including the FML posters) swears. It's pretty obvious what your word was so why even bother?

Pwn17 25

Also, did you really need to share that little tidbit of information on your profile?

that just made me look at hos profile. I would have rather not know.

#30 & #37 now you've both given me the urge to check out the profile.... I'm gonna see how long I can hold off

I had to look after #30's comment. No willpower :(

I looked. Apparently, he's a sinner!

If you don't want your wife I'll have her. Excellent sense of humour!

CallMeWindSock 24

Exactly. OP has no reason to complain, especially with a pedo moustache.

Now OP should paint "free hugs" on the side of his wife. Reference to an old FML, in which someone got arrested for holding a sign saying "free hugs"

While she does have a good sense of humor, I feel like most people here aren't really considering this much. Repainting a vehicle is a somewhat long, and really boring process, and that's if OP actually knows how to do it. And you can't just "paint over" it because it wouldn't match up properly and would look terrible. So, if OP doesn't want to drive around looking like a total pedophile, he's probably going to have to shell out a bunch of cash to get it repainted, all for the sake of him not shaving one day. TL;DR: That was one expensive joke

#47 you can get arrested for sign like that?? damn, I wanted to get a t-shirt with it

As much as I'd hate to be in your position that's bloody hilarious your wife has a great, yet cruel sense of humor!

Hopefully they have another car that OP can drive until they remove the paint. But yes, it's quite funny. I might do the same thing to my bf if him and I get married. Whenever his mustache gets too long, it gets in my nose whenever we kiss and its just plain annoying :c

Everything will be okay as long as you have sour patch kids.

Wait, you have a mustache and drive a van? Kinda seems like you're asking for it. Do you have a sweet mullet too?

TheDrifter 23

If she used marker, sure. But vandalizing his vehicle in a way that will cost hundreds of dollars to fix, just because he didn't immediately comply with her wishes? Maybe I'm the only person left who considers that unacceptably ignorant of her.