By trailertrashyanditsucks - United States - Porter

Drunk mom

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

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Vulture

Covid depression

Doomed

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a fight broke out between my 21 year old sister and our 6 year old brother. I tried to intervene, only to end up getting battered to shit in the process. According to my sister, he's going to hell for eating her candy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brandon

Wrong sort of poking

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

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By TIlly - 23/2/2021 14:01

Sharkeisha, no

Today, after seeing an old viral video on YouTube, my boyfriend started calling me Sharkeisha. Our friends thought he was implying that I'm violent with him. FML

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By leovaldez - 22/6/2020 20:08

Call CPS!

Today, after years of having seasonal allergies and months of having my throat close up, my mom agreed to see a doctor, only to insult me in front of the doctor, saying I just find new ways to make their lives harder and I'm probably making it all up. FML

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By Sun_Kissed18 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

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By ShampooThief - United States

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML

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By needabettermirror - United States - Holland

Today, I spent twenty minutes looking in the mirror trying to remove a blackhead from my chin. It was a freckle. FML

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By shirley - Spain

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

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By socreepedouticanteven - United States - Procious

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

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By Imdeadlmaokillme - United Kingdom - Twickenham

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

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By ihateseagulls - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

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By RyanJarmanForPresident - United States

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

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By ravlol - United States

Today, my friends and I were going to do an ugly sweater photo shoot. When we met up, one of them was wearing a sweater I gave on her birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - West Chester

Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML

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By suicide - United States

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was okay. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML

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By malos - United States

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

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By ugh, why - Australia

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

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By mando - Australia

Today, at work, I refused a customer a refund because there was nothing wrong with the item, and she didn't have the packaging. I then watched as she and her son rummaged through a public bin for the packaging. When I refused her again, she called me a "fucking idiot". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML

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By Tgreject - United States

Today, I was planning on asking out a girl I've been really close to for a few months now. I was with her when I got a forward text from my friend. It was from the girl and it said "noooo tell him not to ask me out I don't like him." I got rejected via forward text before I told her how I felt. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I learned the hard way that leaving eye drops in your car all day makes them scorching hot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pittsfield

Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Freeport

Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML

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By screwed - Australia - Perth

Today, as a last resort for my back problems, I tried acupuncture. After the needles were placed and the doctor had left, I couldn't move for 30 minutes. I had a panic attack. FML

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By woodchuck0022 - Canada

Today, my pants felt a little looser than usual. Thinking I'd lost weight, I proudly went about my day. It wasn't until much later that I realised I hadn't lost any weight at all; my fly was down. FML

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By superhero1043 - United States

Today, I realized that my baby stops crying loudly whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. I'm either stuck with a fussy baby all day, or the roaring sound of a vacuum cleaner. FML

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By m2k - Canada

Today, the only person I actually spoke with was a prank caller. I tried to have a conversation with him, but he hung up on me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

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By anonymous - United States - Mundelein

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Conway

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

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By LifeLikeLemons - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got rear-ended trying to move off the road because I heard a police siren. It was the radio. FML

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By welp - United States - Roswell

Today, we took an AP exam for Literature. One of the passages was about keeping in feelings in a relationship so that no one is "a burden". My boyfriend read the same passage and felt like he was a burden. I can't convince him otherwise. Thank you college board for endangering my relationship. FML

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By ishouldhavebeenbornrich

Today, at work, a man wanted to buy a garden hose which came up on the till as £1.99. He said that it was wrong and that it should be £1.89, so he then demanded that I called someone down to set it right. He held 20 customers up for 15 minutes to get 10p off a garden hose. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Markham

Today, I tripped and fell on the sidewalk. As I did, a car that was passing by stopped, made a U-turn, and then came back so the people inside could laugh at me. When they were done taunting me, they made another U-turn and continued back in their original direction. FML

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By I-love-my-tea - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I had to show my ID to prove I was over 18. I was buying teaspoons. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML

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By HiddlePuff - Australia

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

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By Bobby The Baker

Today, a cockroach flew towards me, and out of panic I dropped my car keys in the sewer. Not only did I lose my keys, but the cake I made for a client is stuck inside the car. It's for a wedding, and they're arriving in the reception area in a few minutes. FML

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Top comments

By \ | 28

#5599863 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:35

Trailer life, I suppose.

By mangoboy1 | 19

#5599876 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:37

I also start crying and smoking cigarettes when I run out of TP.

COMMENTS

By \ | 28

#5599863 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:35

Trailer life, I suppose.

Reply

Sinistra_Blue | 12

#5600192 - Saturday 27 July 2013 6:36

And they just upgraded from an outhouse too.

Reply

mymegangirl | 7

#7804097 - Sunday 19 May 2019 2:48

that's really rude. poor doesn't equal drunk.

By websphere69 | 27

#5599870 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:36

Sounds like a "shitty" situation to be in

Reply

michelleJ11 | 25

#5599922 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:53

Overused and not even worth posting anymore.

Reply

\ | 28

#5599945 - Saturday 27 July 2013 3:04

LORD HAVE MERCY, not this again

By Gothicbunnyx3 | 16

#5599871 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:36

Amurca

Reply

Wakachulak | 22

#5599904 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:46

Nope, Texus

Reply

Gothicbunnyx3 | 16

#5599912 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:50

It's not like Texas is in America

Reply

buckerado | 19

#5600076 - Saturday 27 July 2013 4:45

#13-You're an idiot. It is Tejas...pronounced"Tehaaaas"
Trust me I'm a Tejan.

Reply

\ | 28

#5600456 - Saturday 27 July 2013 13:04

When will Sandy come back, #38?

By mangoboy1 | 19

#5599876 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:37

I also start crying and smoking cigarettes when I run out of TP.

Reply

alycion | 38

#5600249 - Saturday 27 July 2013 7:36

Yes I always make sure there are smokes in my bathroom but never look for tp before sitting down. Priorities.

By HelenLFC | 27

#5599877 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:37

Nobody likes to run out of "shit wipes"

By redbandit9877 | 12

#5599885 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:40

Never in a hundred years will anyone remember to put a new roll on.

By Javier6597 | 19

#5599886 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:40

Well that sucks I'd cry too if I didnt have any shit wipes :'(

By KinkyCurly | 13

#5599888 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:40

For your sake... Get her some "shit wipes" asap! lol

Reply

patrickalamo | 47

#5599979 - Saturday 27 July 2013 3:29

Don't ask the question if you cannot handle the answer...

By cosicosei | 22

#5599892 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:42

Can't tell if she means baby wipes or toilet paper... A bit fuzzy

Reply

evilplatypus | 38

#5600062 - Saturday 27 July 2013 4:40

Does it really matter? Either would have gotten the job done.

By noelasis94 | 18

#5599893 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:42

Sometimes you have to wipe with the hand.

Reply

KinkyCurly | 13

#5599909 - Saturday 27 July 2013 2:47

I do hope you wash your hands with antibacterial soap and the recommended 20 seconds... yeesh :/