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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Foster_Em - 04/07/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I was coming home from a date, I saw my ex standing in my drive-way. He had dumped me 2 months ago saying he couldn't talk me. To make him jealous, I made out with my new guy before greeting him. Turns out he couldn't talk to me because he had had cancer and had been afraid to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 273

You deserved it 79 382

By loserface - 23/02/2009 22:50 - United States

Today, I was interviewing a cute guy for my journalism class, and he asked to borrow my laptop to check his email quickly. After the interview, I realized that the last thing I had searched for on my browser's Google box was "ingrown pubic hairs," and it was still up there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 272

You deserved it 36 686

By sleepingbeauty - 24/04/2016 08:45 - United States - Jackson

Today, I got in a fight with my boyfriend. I sent him a long message pouring my heart out about how hurt I am that he constantly ignores me or responds to almost everything I say in monosyllables. He texted back "ok". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 271

You deserved it 3 788

By Anonymous - 05/05/2009 06:26 - United States

Today, I lost track of time while rocking out, butt-naked, to Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch after taking a shower. Three of my metalhead friends had let themselves in my house and were on the lower level laughing their butts off at me for 30 minutes before telling me. I'm a 23 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 267

You deserved it 63 249

By ravestradamus - 12/10/2009 12:34 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 266

You deserved it 22 790

Hi-de-hi

By Droolgirl - 26/05/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 264

You deserved it 46 596

By CaoiiBieber - 17/07/2011 19:15 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 263

You deserved it 38 892

By Anonymous - 02/01/2016 16:09 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I found out that you can give your grandpa a Vietnam flashback when you set off a leftover firecracker from New Years. I also found out that a 76 year old hits pretty fucking hard when freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 258

You deserved it 8 392

Incel vibes

By unlucky - 05/08/2009 16:29 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he didn't want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that, "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country." He then added, "That's exactly why I wouldn't have sex with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 255

You deserved it 65 261

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 16:50 - Sweden - Nora

Today, I was walking back to my hotel from the town square, and got lost. I turned back and walked around town for an hour, freaking out and panicking. When I finally found the hotel, I realized it was practically a stone's throw from where I was when I turned around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 251

You deserved it 6 974

It's getting old, Nan

By sick of this shit - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my grandma got drunk, tried to change the TV channel with my Xbox controller, and slurred at me to fuck off when I told her it wasn't the remote. She pulls this kind of crap way too often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 251

You deserved it 1 629

By Anonymous - 22/12/2015 09:26 - United States - Natick

Today, I was in class and I smelled what I thought was month-old trash coming from a student in front of me. I politely ignored the smell, only to realize a few hours later that the persistent smell wasn't coming from every student in my university, but was from my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 245

You deserved it 8 437

By Labro9 - 07/01/2016 08:15 - Australia - Perth

Today, I hate my distant visiting family so much that after work I take a detour and sit in my car on an adjacent street, contemplating reasons not to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 242

You deserved it 1 690

Labro9 tells us more.

Labro9 9

Friday 8 January 2016 4:57

Geez I didn't expect that to get up. Cheers for the comments! Just a summary for those playing at home: - Family belong to my husband - Husband has spontaneously developed an inability to say "No" to these people - It's like living with a bunch of escaped institutionalized clowns - They depart in 108 hours - I have reason to question my life choices

By moosemay - 06/02/2016 11:42 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I heard a noise in my garage so I grabbed a baseball bat and went to look. The skunk I stirred was actually better armed than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 239

You deserved it 2 088

By AlphonseMuchacha - 19/06/2016 01:16 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high school. As I type, can hear them having sex through our paper thin walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 238

You deserved it 2 029

AlphonseMuchacha tells us more.

AlphonseMuchacha 1

Monday 20 June 2016 6:36

Hey all OP here. Thanks for all the kind words. For those wondering, I gave my flatmate my blessing. The guy and I dated for a little while but it didn't work out, for him at least. I still harbour feelings for him but want them both to happy. Still sucks though.

By paige - 27/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was recorded a video for my friend on her wall, I forgot to click "stop recording" and got undressed for a shower. When I got out of the shower I noticed I hadn't posted it. A few minutes later I started getting a lot of notifications. Everyone was commenting on my nude video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 238

You deserved it 51 947

By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 15:06 - United States - Ventura

Today, after a badly misjudged hand signal, I accidentally hit my boss in the face instead of high-fiving her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 234

You deserved it 3 167

By Anonymous - 09/12/2015 02:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I turned to face the cashier at the supermarket, I managed to knock over an entire display of gift cards with my backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 234

You deserved it 4 156

By idontlikebitter - 08/03/2016 21:10 - Switzerland - Klingnau

Today, as I was doing my make-up, I needed a Q-tip to fix a mistake. I took one out the box and put it in my mouth to get it wet. Too bad someone had used it before to clean their ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 232

You deserved it 3 970

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 15:34 - United States - Pomona

Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 231

You deserved it 2 581

By Nxydolli - 29/04/2011 19:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself crying for an hour when my recreated crush on The Sims 3 game rejected my character and ran off with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 231

You deserved it 56 459

By Lespoon - 25/02/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 230

You deserved it 29 119

By imamomma - 20/12/2011 18:59 - United States

Today, after explaining to my two year old that we were going bra shopping, he decided to announce to the entire bank that we were going to buy Mommy some boobies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 230

You deserved it 26 923

By alikat - 26/04/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 228

You deserved it 44 555

By Chris - 12/08/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 227

You deserved it 46 104

Too little, too late

By ThrewItOntheGrooooooound - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Denmark - Odense

Today, a kind cyclist rode up next to me to inform me that my bag of groceries was about to fall off. Exceedingly careful, I slowly brought my bike to a halt. Only at the very second I stood still did I hear the dreaded "twang" as my carrier broke, and my stuff smashed to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 226

You deserved it 1 892

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 224

You deserved it 11 281

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 20:37 - United States - Mountain Home

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 224

You deserved it 147 931

By Ummm - 03/08/2016 19:45 - United States - Wheaton

Spicy

Today, I was on a second date with a guy. Things got a little handsy and he pulled down his pants to reveal a micro-penis. He then smiled and asked me to be his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 221

You deserved it 2 917

By and he wonders why I'm anxious - 25/02/2016 22:41 - Netherlands

Today, after years of torment by my anxiety disorders and therapy and medication not helping, I've made the decision to try hypnosis. After doing a Google search and finding out my therapist is a man, my overly jealous fiancé insisted on joining, "because he might hypnotise you into cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 220

You deserved it 2 390

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The Top

The Top

Today, a revolving door got the better of me. I made it into the crowded lobby, unlike my skirt. Bad day to wear a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 477

You deserved it 3 807

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 001

You deserved it 10 653

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 112

You deserved it 6 141

Today, while taking a shower, I noticed that I had forgotten to shave my pits. I went to a party last night, and there are now several Facebook pictures of me dancing, with my arms up and my hairy pits showing for the world to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 695

You deserved it 39 341

Today, while I selling merch at a festival, a volunteer lost her toenail. Not only did she immediately show me, but she then took a picture and showed everyone coming up to my station. I lost sales because she wouldn't leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 353

You deserved it 1 048

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 661

You deserved it 3 382