Today, my new drone got stuck on the neighbour's roof. I'd bought the drone to look at my roof because I don’t like going up on ladders. FML
Today, it's my last week working at a gas station. A fat middle-aged man threw a hissy over the price of 2-liter Coke and demanded I change it. I asked him to leave; he wouldn't, and forced me to call the cops. He stormed out as I was on the phone, pointed at me, and called me a "weak piece of shit". Three more days… FML
Today, my leasing office called to inform me that we will be receiving an eviction notice. After further communication into why, I found out that I’m not being evicted, but my girlfriend of six years is, because she got caught doing the dirty with someone in the apartment gym restroom. FML
The little guy kinda had it coming.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after finding out that I opened an Onlyfans account. FML
Today, I was at a professional hockey game. I wasn't paying attention and a puck was shot into the stands and hit me in the face. My mouth was bleeding and I lost two teeth. As I was trying to cough up my teeth the old man next to me shoved me over and stole the puck. Everyone cheered. FML
Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML
Today, I met a "nice guy." Unfortunately, he called himself that after following me on his bike for one and a half hours in the opposite direction of where he was supposed to be going, just to "coincidentally" meet me again. Get lost, you fucking creep! FML
Today, after moving provinces and working my ass off to find a job, and finally finding one, I got the flu and had to call in sick two days on my first week. They fired me today. FML
Today, I found out that I have at least stage 3 cancer. I went on my insurance's website to get information for the doctors. I also saw "Other people who have been on your plan." My ex-wife was listed, with a new last name. She got remarried. I'm just going to let the cancer take me at this point. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited her sorority sister, who fled an abusive relationship, to live with us without asking me. This wouldn't be a problem, but her friend is easily two points hotter than her and…. thirsty. FML
Today, my roommate gets up at 3:30am for work and wakes me up each time. I try not to complain about it, but whenever I come back to the apartment at midnight, she gets mad that I woke her up. I told her that she wakes me up in the morning, but apparently that’s different because she’s going to work. FML
Today, my girlfriend has been nagging me to help her with her fantasy of being picked up and fucked in mid-air. I don't know how to tell her that its impossible until she loses about a hundred pounds. FML
Today, its been three weeks since my boyfriend's "hilarious prank" went off. He hid a Bluetooth speaker in my son's room and played a scary clown laugh at 2am. Now my son won't even enter his room, much less sleep in it. My boyfriend had better learn to love sleeping on the sofa. FML
Today, I finally received the phone call I had been waiting on for years. The agency who is trying to approach my father in an attempt for me to get in contact with him called me with the news that they found him. Too bad he died about 25 years ago, so he can't consent with making himself known. FML
Today, my son is actually going on holiday over Christmas with some girl he met in a bar. He’s barely known her a week and is already dipping into his savings to keep her happy. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me to a restaurant for lunch and said, “It’s time we talk about our future.” I got all emotional, thinking he was going to propose. Instead, he calmly told me he’s moving to another country. I cried into my breadsticks. FML
Today, every girl I’ve dated since high school has falsely accused me and spread rumors of me beating them, and of being an “abusive boyfriend.” This is now my reputation around this city. The one thing they all have in common is they each cheated on me with the type of guy they accuse me of being. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who I thought was the one I’d one day marry, didn’t survive her first time meeting the extended family. My parents loved her, but my grandma, great grandma, aunties, and cousins gave her such a hard time that she ran out in tears, jumped on a bus, then broke up with me via text. FML
Today, I've recently been promoted to a VP at a bank. Despite this, in my parents' eyes, I will always be that idiot two year-old who refused to put his pants on at the cinema. FML
Today, I helped a 6 year-old boy who was left alone at a store to get back home. The kid's parents were grateful, but my mother cussed me out and called me stupid for helping the kid. No good dead goes unpunished. FML
Today, if I'd known a few days ago when I agreed to help a friend film that it was going to be located so far away and cost so much to get there, I would have said no straight away. I won't even be reimbursed for my efforts. FML
Today, my dad's new wife, who is two years younger than me (I'm 24) and hates that I'm a lesbian, threw a fit when I told her that I would never call her Mom. My dad took her side. I don't live with them but still… FML
Today, my nail client came with yet another sob story about a bill being on autopay and they took it from her account before her appointment. I set boundaries and said I won’t proceed until I’m paid in full (She owes over $300). She responded by trashing my shop. $1000 in nail polish supplies down the drain. FML
Today, I realized I'm in a horribly toxic marriage. My wife offered to let me sleep in, and my first thought was, "This is a trap, in thirty minutes she'll be yelling at me for being lazy." I tested it. Yup, it was a trap. FML
Today, I constantly hear single moms being bashed trashed and judged no matter their situation. I just got dumped again for being one. No one seems to know or care that I’m a single mom, because my daughter’s conception wasn’t what you’d call consensual. FML
Today, my proposal was slightly ruined when the ring I got her, which I could have sworn was the same size as other rings she owns, was a whole 3 sizes too big. She agreed to marry me but is now sulking because she thinks I think she’s fat and needs a big ring for her fat fingers. Give me a break. FML
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
Today, I figured out how my wife sees things. When I'm at work, I don't have to deal with responsibilities at home. Thus, work is a mini-vacation, and since I take a mini-vacation every day, I should have no problem cooking dinner and cleaning for hours after work. FML
Today, I've been job searching desperately for years. I'm always either rejected or the places just do not contact me, or they are too far away. No license and no cell service. Not even a Thanksgiving meal this year. I wanna give up. FML
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