Today, I learned that my hair color is classified as "Buttered... - FML

By Classy Broad

Today, I learned that my hair color is classified as "Buttered Toast". FML

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Incognito browsing

The end of the road

Jonah begs to differ

By Neveragain - United States - Tampa

Today, while at work, a creepy guy blatantly stared at my chest for a good 40 seconds. Finally snapping out of his trance, he said with a wink, "You forgot your name tag." He was right. FML

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By Jim Smith - United States

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

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By allergies - United States - New York

Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

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By DogStew

Scooby snacks?

Today, I had to watch my niece’s puppy. The darn dog kept finding turds in the yard and eating them. One turd had worms in it. FML

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By moobysrocks - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my "sugarbuns" about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was on the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML

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By yup okay - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he finds his car more attractive than me. FML

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By wilsmith - China

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

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By zboy_123 - India

Today, I went to this meditation center which my mom suggested to get mental peace as I have been hating my job and life for some time now. I drove for an hour and then walked around in scorching Indian sun for 2 hours trying to locate the damn place. I got lost and returned home angrier than ever. FML

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By teejayrn - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my son sprayed the bottom of my car and windows white with fake snow in Christmas cheer. He did a great job, except he used white spray paint instead of the fake snow. FML

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By yourwifelovesme

Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML

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By Wellpoo

Today, I started 2018 with a bad case of food poisoning. Not exactly the new year cleanse I was hoping for. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Birmingham

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

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By Evjoel - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, I decided to take some local college courses to improve my résumé. I got into the physics room and a large, multi-colored sign in large print stated, "NO THROWING OR STABBING." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 21 year old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

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By Arran - United Kingdom

Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML

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By no one - United States - Dallas

Today, my house caught on fire. The firefighters said that it was caused by a lit cigarette on the carpet. I don't smoke, but apparently my 13 year old son does. FML

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By 44magnumtime - Canada - Oakville

Today, some new people moved into the house next door to mine. The previous occupants were very loud and obnoxious day in and day out, so I was looking forward to some sanity. When I went outside, I noticed they'd parked their cars on my lawn. FML

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By Kylene - United States

Today, I had an interview for a job in a professor's lab. He seemed like a really nice, grandfatherly old guy. We got up to go take a look around the lab, and he held out his arms really wide to me... so I went in for a hug. Turns out he was just gesturing for me to go through the door first. FML

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By just physical - Canada - Sarnia

Today, in an attempt to break up with my boyfriend, I told him, "I don't feel a mental connection between us." His reply? "Why do we need a mental connection?" FML

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By Gottabekidding - United States - Ashland

Today, my workplace instituted a policy in which employees must stop and write down what they are doing every fifteen minutes. FML

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By Jack

Today, my washing machine broke down, within its warranty. I asked my neighbour if she could open the door for the mechanic while I was at work; she agreed. When I came home, I had a bill for 80 bucks for not opening the door. Her reason? She was busy watching her favorite TV show. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the bank to make a deposit. While I was waiting on my transaction, the bank tellers were making fun of me. I could tell cause I heard them through the speaker. FML

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By Diesel - Belgium

Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

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By rositaleigh

Dad jokes FTW!

Today, my father and I were out in town when a lady walked up and commented on what a great looking couple we were. My dad puts his arm around me and says "Thank you! We've been together for 17 years." FML

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By thenewone - Brazil

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. Later on, his mom pulls me aside and tells me to back off, saying he will never marry someone like me and he should be with a nice girl like his ex. They broke up after he found her in his bed with his roomate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML

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By EpicFail - Canada

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

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By brittbrat4 - United States

Today, I was jamming out in my car, tapping my fingers on the wheel and bobbing my head. At the next stoplight, I happened to look over and the passenger of the car next to me was holding a sign in the window saying, "I bet you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I learned that "Je suis excité" does not mean "I'm excited" in French. It means "I'm sexually excited"... more or less. I've been doing a lot of exciting things and using it a lot the past two weeks. With my French friends, people I meet, and especially with my host family. FML

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By fizzie101 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

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By facebookdeception - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out that the girl on Facebook that helped me out of my sadness after my break-up and who I'd hopelessly fallen in love with was just a prank by my ex-girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 14:00

That devil water

Today, my boyfriend went to his friends house to drink. He told me he’s a happy drinker, and I believed him. He calls me drunk about three hours later and tells me he’s been thinking about cheating on me for a long time, and that he also thinks about "being with other women." FML

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By poordog - United States

Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote "I hope she does". It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote "I hope she dies" instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML

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By allergic_to_bull - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

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Top comments

By ajh1800 | 25

#7803230 - Wednesday 15 May 2019 22:40

I don't get whats so bad about this? I just looked it up and it's actually a really pretty hair color. They come up with all kinds of crazy hair trends and colors like "peanut butter and jelly" hair...plus buttered toast and PB&J are both delicious, sooo 🤷🏽‍♀️ better than burnt toast

By RichardPencil | 29

#7803244 - Wednesday 15 May 2019 23:10

Ha! My hair color is “N/A” ;(

COMMENTS

By ajh1800 | 25

#7803230 - Wednesday 15 May 2019 22:40

I don't get whats so bad about this? I just looked it up and it's actually a really pretty hair color. They come up with all kinds of crazy hair trends and colors like "peanut butter and jelly" hair...plus buttered toast and PB&J are both delicious, sooo 🤷🏽‍♀️ better than burnt toast

Reply

baristalbc | 18

#7803302 - Thursday 16 May 2019 4:17

I was thinking the same thing. Seems like it would be a nice hair color is “buttered toast” is an accurate description.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7803244 - Wednesday 15 May 2019 23:10

Ha! My hair color is “N/A” ;(

Reply

manb91gb | 14

#7803246 - Wednesday 15 May 2019 23:19

Heh, never pegged you for a bald guy Mr Pencil!

Reply

manb91gb | 14

#7803249 - Wednesday 15 May 2019 23:25

Heh, never pegged you for a bald guy Mr Pencil!

Reply

RichardPencil | 29

#7803262 - Thursday 16 May 2019 0:06

Not quite yet, but it may be in the future.

By manb91gb | 14

#7803245 - Wednesday 15 May 2019 23:18

I hope that's because of the colour and not the state of greasiness and dandruff!

By mymegangirl | 7

#7803295 - Thursday 16 May 2019 3:49

you don't like toast?

By luvhamilton | 5

#7803301 - Thursday 16 May 2019 4:16

My natural color is "dirty dishwater blonde" count yourself lucky with "buttered toast" 🤦‍♀️

By LP13413 | 8

#7803339 - Thursday 16 May 2019 8:14

This sounds like something straight out of Ed, Edd n Eddy.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7803423 - Thursday 16 May 2019 16:05

Buttered toast is delicious. In fact, I'm gonna have some right now.

By ojosRojos | 28

#7803431 - Thursday 16 May 2019 16:21

Missed opportunity to make your username “Classy Bread”

By ollie55 | 3

#7803689 - Friday 17 May 2019 13:10

How is this an FML? What's wrong with buttered toast?

By Amanda Jaworski | 23

#7803737 - Friday 17 May 2019 15:57

Pretty vague, depends how you like your toast!