Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML
Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML
Today, while walking my dog in the darkness, I bent down to pick up his poop. I screamed like a little girl as his morning turd leapt up my arm, covering my hand and jacket sleeve in soggy poop. My dog had curled one out onto a dozing frog. I skipped breakfast. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML
Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML
Today, while hurrying by bike to an appointment, my chain broke. I quickly got off the road and managed to fix it on the sidewalk, covering my hands in black smear. Dirty but confident about my repair skills, I got up. A second later, felt something warm running down my neck. Bird poop. FML
Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML
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Top comments
Win 9
That’s unfortunate, and it probably felt disgusting. :/ Although everyone has been pooped on by a bird at least once so common courtesy would be to not judge you for it.
BigSissy 14
Where is Richard when you need him?
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Comments (6)
Win 9
That’s unfortunate, and it probably felt disgusting. :/ Although everyone has been pooped on by a bird at least once so common courtesy would be to not judge you for it.
bloopaloop 27
Shitty situation, anyone??? I’m waiting for it.
BigSissy 14
Where is Richard when you need him?
Jodiju 4
And you couldn't put the food down to deal with the poop because..?
stormy0307 16
Technically dive bombing is when a plane is flying downward towards a target so that the bomb travels more vertically than horizontally (easier to aim that way in the pre guided bomb era). So unless the bird was flying downwards at you it’s not dive bombing. If the bird was flying level it’s horizontal bombing and if the bird was flying upwards it’s technically toss bombing which increases the horizontal travel of the payload after release but is more difficult to aim properly.
Taylor Caldwell 10
Are you worried people think you asked the pigeon to shit on you? In all likeliness people would have felt bad for you knowing it sucks and wasn’t your fault you got pooped on.
randybryant799 21
Whose everyone? And how did they know?