Sounds like a shitty situation.

Is your girlfriend that scary?

This is underrated lmao

Either your dump got you dumped and shit-ton of carpet cleaning expenses, or you’ve just entered into the weird, wild world of scat.

Yea because sharting is the number one cause of people breaking up

Really? I’d have guessed number two.

This why you not drink hard liquor.

Never trust a fart.

I fucking hate things like this. "It's performance art." "I'm expressing myself through the visual medium of my work." "I once did a one man show for the Queen." It's attention-seeking bullshit, and you fucking know it.

If your friends regularly shit on your floor and try to pass it off as art, know that that is not typical human behaviour and you should probably seek a new group of friends as soon as possible.

My friends don't shit on the carpet while they're naked. They do it in their wedding dresses.

How does this keep happening?

Kids these days have no sphincter control. Why, back in my day, we could eat a ten course Indian feast and maintain a completely watertight seal, and dammit, that's the way we liked it.

Yeah, srsly, what's up with their buttholes?

Never trust a fart.

Maybe she won't notice?

Yeah Indian food will do that