By Ohnowhy

Awkward...

Today, I moved in with my friend and her husband so we can be roommates during school. Today is also the day they decided to get a divorce. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2915

You deserved it

230

Favorite

Love

School

Serious times

Rock, hard place

Taking stock

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40080

You deserved it

4860

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I went to my kid's band concert. She's 12 and in the advanced team. They were the first ones to play and they were so incredibly bad that I laughed. Really, really loud. I was escorted out of the recital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3241

You deserved it

7142

Favorite

By Matt L. - 30/7/2020 14:02

Thanks, I hate it

Today, my car insurance called about "the car I hit" on Monday night. Monday, I'd gone to the girl I’ve been seeing for a month's house for chicken parm and to meet her parents. I parked on the street. Her dad ran into the back of my car, leaving a dent. I never got the chicken parm either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1636

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By ItHurtsLIkeHell - Malaysia

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11877

You deserved it

42932

Favorite

By Ignored - United Kingdom

Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39422

You deserved it

12193

Favorite

By adopted - United States - New York

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48363

You deserved it

8540

Favorite

By pandabear - United Kingdom

Today, I got an alert from Facebook that it was my very popular and attractive classmate's birthday. I decided to be sweet and write "Happy birthday" on her wall, only to notice it wasn't there a few minutes later. I rewrote it again and it disappeared. After three attempts, I took the hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35319

You deserved it

4646

Favorite

By John - United States

Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44936

You deserved it

3232

Favorite

By Mandy - United Kingdom

Today, I was drunk at my nan's birthday party. My boyfriend texted me asking if I could go out, to which I replied "No, I'm at my nan's house." He then dumped me, calling me a 'cheating whore.' I was confused, until I realised I'd misspelt nan and said "No, I'm at my man's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24827

You deserved it

46669

Favorite

By sashimieater - United States

Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34254

You deserved it

14591

Favorite

By JustMyLuck - Canada

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to sleep over at his house. Then he found out that it was that time of the month for me, so he told me that he had to work this weekend and said "see you sometime next week." He doesn't have a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32143

You deserved it

4830

Favorite

By Ayeya - United States

Today, I wanted to print out a 100 page game strategy guide using company's printer. While not wanting anyone to find out about this I picked a time where I thought no one would be printing. My CEO ended up standing next to me for 10 minutes waiting for his stuff to print after mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9748

You deserved it

74008

Favorite

By Percy

Today, the phrase "To share everything with one's friends" took a pretty unexpected meaning when a friend of mine asked me for a date. When I told him how unlikely it was to happen because of my friendship with his girlfriend, he answered that it was no excuse as she fell in love with me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1800

You deserved it

142

Favorite

By MotherMary - United States - Park Hills

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45931

You deserved it

5249

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23390

You deserved it

4411

Favorite

By ugh - United States - Dearborn

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32917

You deserved it

5070

Favorite

By dannyfanny - United States

Today, I slipped walking down the stairs. My mom thought I sprained my right ankle. In her haste to get me to the doctor, she grabbed me and accidentally tripped me. I broke my left ankle. The right one was fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42679

You deserved it

2592

Favorite

By behold the Underminer

Today, the water company found that a water main has been leaking steadily possibly for decades and has turned the land my house is built on into an underground bog. Cracks have been appearing in my walls for a while, apparently because my house is slowly sinking into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2639

You deserved it

123

Favorite

By facepalmshroomer - United States

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10615

You deserved it

85102

Favorite

By Joey - United States

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41579

You deserved it

2456

Favorite

By 1DisGR8

Today, while writing a midterm, my period came unexpectedly. Too bad my male professor was the one to notice and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2884

You deserved it

169

Favorite

By And you think I'M crazy? - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53948

You deserved it

6255

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28100

You deserved it

3657

Favorite

By scfead - United States

Today, I was walking home when a man passed me and stopped. Thinking he was staring at my butt, I asked him kindly to stop. He then laughed and grabbed my wallet that was in my back pocket, and ran. He wasn't staring at my butt, and found it funny that I thought he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39300

You deserved it

16065

Favorite

By Mel - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41869

You deserved it

12933

Favorite

By LanaStidolph

Today, I bought shampoos and household chemicals and was heading home on my bike when it started to rain. I felt a weird burning sensation down my back so I stopped and got off the bike. My backpack and jeans were covered in foam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3431

You deserved it

385

Favorite

By Shiverice - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23608

You deserved it

3170

Favorite

By marriageblows - United States

Today, I had the day off from work. I did all the chores hoping to free up time to spend with my husband tonight. When he came home, he looked around and decided that since there was no need for him to stick around and help clean, he'd head to the bar to watch the game with the guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29031

You deserved it

3842

Favorite

By TheMysteriousTsundere

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2785

You deserved it

145

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Rock Hill

Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24203

You deserved it

2070

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Naples

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38804

You deserved it

2493

Favorite

By fishy situation

Today, my friend is furious with me because while I was watching her various fish for two weeks, I failed to feed her favorite fish and it died. The reason I didn't take care of it was because she never told me she had it, that it was in her room unlike the rest of the fish, so I never saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4970

You deserved it

366

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 23:01

"I'm horny, horny horny horny"

Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

313

You deserved it

2651

Favorite

By bloodyhell - 15/3/2020 15:05 - United States

Good God, man…

Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1653

You deserved it

210

Favorite

By Brandon - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me from her parents' house where she is visiting. They were BBQing outside when out of the blue her childhood friend Adam showed up at the door for the BBQ. She asked her parents why he was there, and her dad replied that he "wants her to know that she has options." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44574

You deserved it

2962

Favorite

By tanya - Canada

Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I check my facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption: "This is what Taco Bell does." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16073

You deserved it

40827

Favorite

By bakergirl - Australia

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28931

You deserved it

3964

Favorite

By anonya - United States - Madera

Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23789

You deserved it

3073

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, while trying to lift a weight bar at the gym, I ended up cracking my rib cage and almost passed out. My friend, who was supposed to be spotting for me, couldn't help until the last second because he'd snuck off to flirt with a pair of guys halfway across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23017

You deserved it

5628

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea all over my husbands legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7342

You deserved it

2711

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By awildwhisper | 30

#7690330 - Sunday 9 September 2018 19:22

What side of the duct tape do you get to be on in the house or are you going to be the messenger pigeon between the two and get to cross the line?

By Nicole Minshall | 0

#7690459 - Monday 10 September 2018 0:46

OP here! Wow didn't think I'd get published! I lasted a week and moved out. It was a really bad situation from the start. Also, I was already going to get free rent, that's why I moved in in the first place.