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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I bought a mini tracking device to attach to my wallet to keep me from losing it. Unfortunately, before I could put batteries in the tracking device, I lost it. FML

#2681
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15758) - you deserved it (7827)

On 01/26/2009 at 2:08pm - misc - by Jacobro - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guys name. FML

#5350
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15755) - you deserved it (64417)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:29am - intimacy - by Randy Savage (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

#19339919
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15755) - you deserved it (3283)

On 03/24/2012 at 5:07pm - health - by Stephen (man) - Sweden

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

#5006277
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15754) - you deserved it (39031)

On 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by ooops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML

#851826
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15753) - you deserved it (86626)

On 04/07/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

#16066360
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15740) - you deserved it (48307)

On 05/06/2011 at 10:07am - intimacy - by eringoBRA (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at my friends house for the first time in months. I saw her newest chihuahua dog, Mickey, and he was excited that new people were over. I picked him up and slightly bounced him in the air. Because of the bounce and his excitement, he peed a little bit, straight into my eye. FML

#5422462
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15725) - you deserved it (30318)

On 09/23/2009 at 1:55am - animals - by GreatAim - United States (Ohio)

Today, I sent my boyfriend some nude pics of me. Later I get a text from my dad asking me when I had gotten a tattoo. FML

#5189
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15724) - you deserved it (47857)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:56am - intimacy - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after mourning and making my girlfriend cancel her big birthday party, I found out my grandma didn't actually die. FML

#14717553
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15722) - you deserved it (23941)

On 01/26/2011 at 5:31am - health - by WronglySad619 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that lemonade and urine look very similar to one another. I also learned that they taste very different. FML

#19183554
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15718) - you deserved it (21171)

On 02/28/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by iVaughtTV - United States (Indiana)

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

#14580215
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15719) - you deserved it (27784)

On 01/14/2011 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I went out with a friend to grab some food and we were served by this really cute and fun waiter. Stepping out of my comfort zone and deciding to do something crazy, I left my phone number on the bill. I got home only to realize that I forgot to pay the bill. FML

#20011112
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15717) - you deserved it (20381)

On 08/09/2012 at 7:39am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

#8382778
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15716) - you deserved it (2203)

On 02/17/2010 at 7:30pm - intimacy - by noosher0990 -



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