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Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2012 at 4:38pm / Netherlands / Health

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

by extra crispy or original recipe / 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, a haunted house opened up next to my restaurant and they've gotten into the habit of scaring me as I'm cleaning up at night. They stay open for another month. FML

by Wolf145 / 10/11/2012 at 1:28am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend to marry me, because it's a leap year. He is now avoiding me for fear that I was serious. FML

by CptZoe / 02/29/2012 at 1:10pm / United Kingdom (Rotherham) / Love

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

by Ow / 04/18/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML

by anonymous / 03/29/2012 at 11:42am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2015 at 12:29am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2010 at 7:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to disable my iPod Touch for 45 minutes. After 45 minutes, I went to enter my password. I missed a number accidentally. 50 minutes to go. FML

by iDisable / 06/18/2011 at 8:27pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML

by pretty princess / 02/01/2009 at 3:55am / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

by Anna / 04/06/2009 at 6:41am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out about my old school's class reunion, which I wasn't invited to. Everyone has my number and e-mail address. They just "forgot" to tell me. FML

by Girl-with-the-glasses / 04/11/2012 at 3:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to fill up my car. 500 metres before the petrol station, I saw a group of motorcyclists in my rear view mirror. I slowed down and pulled over to let them past. In fact, they were also going to fill up. 35 motorcyclists and 2 petrol pumps. FML

by gui909 / 12/09/2008 at 2:01am / Transportation