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Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend. Having waited six months for this, I was stoked. After waiting for three hours and sending numerous messages, I was eventually informed I was a week early. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2012 at 11:45am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I had to give a speech but I wasn't prepared. I decided to give it anyway. While giving the speech, I got so nervous I passed out. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2010 at 9:45am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to disable my iPod Touch for 45 minutes. After 45 minutes, I went to enter my password. I missed a number accidentally. 50 minutes to go. FML

by iDisable / 06/18/2011 at 8:27pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am exhausted and can barely move after being up all night taking care of my drunk and vomiting husband. He, on the other hand, feels much better and is bounding with energy. FML

by Shenza / 06/17/2012 at 8:34am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had knocked over a $35 can of powdered baby formula, and there were TWO different colonies of ants warring over the bounty all over the counter. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2010 at 9:51pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

by EpicFail / 01/11/2009 at 3:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

by Squid / 11/07/2012 at 12:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got call from the manager for a company I applied for. Turns out, he mixed up my friend's phone number with mine, since we applied on the same day, so the manager accidentally hired her instead of me. He said the position is still mine if I want it, but they will have to let her go. FML

by speaknoevil1 / 01/29/2016 at 1:03am / United States (Florida) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML

by MoxleyCrue / 08/17/2015 at 3:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while I was walking across a bridge, a prepubescent middle schooler grabbed my phone from my hand and threw it into the water. His friend filmed it, high-fived him, and they both ran off. I got that phone less than a week ago. FML

by ripmyphone / 01/12/2016 at 8:18pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML

by anonymous / 03/29/2012 at 11:42am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, while working at a wedding reception, I caught a couple getting touchy in the back of the room, but I swept it under the rug. Apparently, they didn't like getting caught, and reported me to my boss, claiming sexual harassment. I now have to attend social sensitivity training once a week. FML

by teenagesyndrome / 09/06/2015 at 2:33pm / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML

by brichard22 / 07/12/2015 at 10:25am / United States (California) / Kids