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The all-time greatest FMLs

And how do you know that?

By Anonymous - 07/10/2025 15:00

Today, my colleagues have been trying to play matchmaker between myself and the new girl at the office. I'll admit we share more similarities than differences from what I've learned so far, but I know something my colleagues don't: she's actively pursuing a guy through online dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 94

Scared flaccid

By Anonymous - 01/04/2026 20:00

Today, my boyfriend met my dad and my brother, and is now shit scared of them. I was hoping to lose my virginity to him this weekend but he’s so scared of what my dad would do if he ever found out that he couldn’t get hard no matter what I did. Thanks a lot dad, you bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 146

Five second rule

By Sore - 05/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I tried to get a Chloraseptic tablet for my sore throat. As soon as I put it in my mouth, I got the urge to sneeze. When I sneezed, the force of the sneeze caused me to accidentally spit it out… right into the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 104

Thanks not given much

By Anonymous - 29/11/2025 20:00

Today, I sadly woke to a realization: Even on Thanksgiving and my baby girl's birthday, their dad's idea of a family day is constantly sitting there "trying to feel less sick" and just ignore us all, or as he says it, "time is all out" and playing Pokemon GO. Awesome. If I say anything, he threatens to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 130

Puritanical

By Chipotle gurl - 27/01/2026 15:00

Today, my parents found out I was having sex because I was digging for something in my purse and I inadvertently pulled out some condoms. I was kicked out of their house, because if I’m “old enough to lay down with another man” I’m old enough to get my own place. I work at Chipotle part time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 186

A blind date in 2025 is brave

By Anonymous - 26/07/2025 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went on a blind date at a coffee shop. I walked up to who I thought was him, smiled, and said, “Hey! You look even cuter in person!” He looked horrified. It wasn’t my date. My actual date witnessed the whole thing and ghosted me mid-latte. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 279

Pace yourself

By UnFit - 27/03/2026 00:00

Today, I've always been a healthy person with a normal body and average BMI. My husband is a fitness freak with a super body. When I expressed interest in starting working out, he laughed at me and said, "Trust me, you're not the fitness kind. I've tried." What hurt me most is that it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 136

Hate the game, not the player

By Anonymous - 13/02/2026 09:00

Today, I really liked this girl, and it seemed like she maybe liked me too. We texted a lot, she invited me to a party, and we played games together. I asked her out, worried about waiting too long, but got a really ambiguous answer. Now she’s playing the same games she used to ask me to play, just with a different guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 83

You're a natural

By Blackout at The Gym - 27/11/2020 20:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had a great leg workout at the gym. Instead of doing my cool down exercise at the end, I decided I wanted to do something more adventurous, like box jumps on one of those metal stools at the gym. Well, it turns out my body wasn’t ready for that. Now my shin is busted and swollen. This is my second week training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 1 087

Two speeds

By Anonymous - 14/09/2024 00:00 - United States - LaRue

Today, a waitress kept calling me "Mom" and my dad "Dad". My dad (69) and I (38f) hang out a lot, and very often go out to eat, just the two of us. Either I look really old, or people think he's got it going on. Why? They ask me, "Is that your dad or grandpa?" Then ask him, "Is that your wife or daughter?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 112

A cat called Bruce

By Dave - 24/12/2024 12:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, we spent hours decorating the Christmas tree, perfectly balancing the lights, ornaments, and tinsel. Ten minutes later, the cat thought it was a right time to reenact Die Hard and climbed up the tree, knocking it over. Now my ornaments are shattered, and my cat is smugly sitting in the wreckage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 226

Noise annoys

By Stacey02 - 23/06/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, a quiet afternoon at the library turned stressful when my phone started blasting music. Every attempt to silence it somehow increased the volume. After seconds of panic, I realised the sound wasn't coming from my phone. It was a kid's toy buried somewhere in my backpack after a visit from my niece. The reading room people still glared at me like I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 93

You never know

By Anonymous - 17/08/2025 03:00 - United States - Ballston Spa

Today, a woman came up to my cash register, where I was struggling with the cash, and asked if we took cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 109

Spice up your sound

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 18:00

Today, I was at lunch in a Mexican place and my earbud started to slip from my ear. No big deal, I moved my hand to catch it. Catch it in the open tortilla I just spread guacamole and sour cream on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 744

Stiff

By Anonymous - 24/01/2026 15:00

Today, I went to get checked out for my hip pain that hasn't worsened but isn't going away. When I practiced the stretches the physical therapist wanted me to do, it didn't hurt at all. When I did them much later by myself, it hurt like hell. I described my worst pain at the time as a 4. The pain now is a 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 79

Take your time

By Kitty - 08/08/2021 15:59 - United States - Johnston

Today, thinking I could carry it all, I stubbornly brought a load of food in with both hands. The glass jar of nacho cheese smashed on my radiator, and I had to use a toothbrush to clean between the cracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 900

Relatable

By Anonymous - 28/10/2025 00:00

Today, I ordered pizza for myself. When the delivery guy arrived, I opened the door in pajama pants, messy hair and a face mask. He smiled and said, “Oh, this order says ‘Family Combo Meal.’ Where’s everyone else?” I just said, “They’re busy.” They weren’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 202

Everyone's a critic

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I sent a love letter I'd written meant for my crush to a friend so she could evaluate my prose before I actually sent it to him. For some reason, my emotions got the best of me, and I mistakenly CC'd my mom. She replied with three crying-with-laughter emojis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 805

Dirty business

By Anonymous - 08/11/2024 09:00 - Canada - Saint John

Today, while picking up dirty laundry I bolted up so fast that I broke my elbow. I sat in Urgent Care for 4 hours to be put in a sling at the same hospital I work at. I’m now stuck in a sling for who knows how long and it’s all because the towel rack impact was so hard it broke my elbow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 98

Phones are bad for you

By Katie - 14/05/2024 20:00 - United States - Basehor

Today, I was laying in bed, scrolling through my phone, when my cat swatted my phone out of my hand. It hit me in the face and popped a pimple, which is now bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 181

Oddly specific

By RowerBud - 02/07/2021 08:01 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 959

Witch's brew

By Anonymous - 19/03/2026 20:00

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to have sex while she’s on her period. She kept half-whispering, half-moaning weird phrases I didn’t understand. After some googling, it roughly translated to “Bound in blood. Together forever bound by blood.” I think she tried to hex me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 108

Accelerated obsolescence

By Anonymous - 17/04/2025 22:00 - United States - Warren

Today, my cellphone charger suddenly stopped working. I had it for less than 6 months and I don't do anything crazier than unplug the phone when I want to go out and plug it back in. The phone and outlet work perfectly, the inputs are clean, and the charger had excellent ratings from over 2,000 people on Amazon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 117

Classic

By Anonymous - 14/08/2025 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I met my new boss and went for a confident handshake. Somehow, we both missed completely and ended up awkwardly grabbing each other’s thumbs. Neither of us corrected it, so we just shook hands like we were in a masonic lodge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 109

Kids hear EVERYTHING

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 22:01 - Canada - Westbridge

Today, I was listening to an inappropriate song while driving around when I heard my 3 year-old in the back seat say the n-word. If you hear kids screaming, "LEGOS, LEGOS!" out of the windows as I drive by, that's my pathetic attempt at reversing the language they heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 1 232

Broke boy

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was ruined when my brother was too cheap to iTunes the song I wanted playing, so he YouTubed it instead. It’s very difficult to propose while speakers are blasting an unskippable 30-second advert about formula being a healthy alternative to breastfeeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 594

Short-lived

By Anonymous - 10/04/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I’m pregnant and got excited. We’d never discussed kids before since we’ve only been dating a year, but I was so happy… until I told him, and his face just fell. I left after he drank himself unconscious and I’m now at my mum's house FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 687

Drilling time

By scared - 23/10/2025 09:00

Today, I went to the orthodontist. No biggie, of course. I know the drill, so I didn’t think twice before letting the doctor stick his gloved hands into my mouth. His warm, wet, gloved hands. What the fuck??? FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 72

Happy V-Day

By Anonymous - 02/06/2026 03:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I got a DM from an unknown sender saying “Happy Anniversary.” It was my 11th grade boyfriend and the “Anniversary” was of us losing our virginity to each other. This happened over 20 years ago! I’ve blocked his creepy ass more times than I can count, but he just won’t stay away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 45

Unreasonable demands

By No respect - 12/07/2023 15:00

Today, I left messages in every neighbors' mailbox telling them to please be quiet at 2, as my daughter was getting married in my backyard. At 2:01 someone started practicing the drums in their garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 1 272

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The Top

Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 064

You deserved it 5 809

Today, I found out that I didn't get a job because I failed the psychological analysis. It told me to answer each question and tell the truth. So I did. I asked my friend, who got the job, if she told the truth. She said no. Apparently you have to lie in order to get a job. Sorry for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 529

You deserved it 7 884

Today, while up in my room getting ready to go out, I thought I heard some trick or treaters knocking on the door. I ignored them because I didn't have any candy. The knocking got louder and longer. I walked downstairs, and noticed that the living room ceiling was falling down onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 595

You deserved it 5 098

Today, I had gone to the store and bought a new wallet. 5 minutes later a security guard asks for my receipt. Turns out I had dropped my receipt. Some guy had picked it up and pretended I had stole his wallet. The guard confiscated my wallet because the guy had "his" receipt to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 770

You deserved it 8 425

Today, I saw a dead ant. It made me think about how brief and fragile life is, why we're all here, and whether it has a point. It was a piece of lint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 566

You deserved it 889

Today, my grandfather called me for the first time since lockdown. Just like the last 3 times we spoke, he tried to pressure me into learning to drive, despite my making it clear that it absolutely terrifies me. He won't stop asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 773