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Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML

#20430472
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17340) - you deserved it (33040)

On 12/29/2012 at 6:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

#19591291
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17338) - you deserved it (31318)

On 05/08/2012 at 7:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

#18976293
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17332) - you deserved it (21905)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - India

Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked the owner of the company who it was for. He replied "the round one", so I handed it to our rotund Project Manager. Apparently the owner meant the garbage can, not my fat co-worker. Now i'm the asshole of the office. FML

#3774043
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17331) - you deserved it (38807)

On 07/15/2009 at 1:24pm - work - by kjcarey123 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time. It's a small, old cottage in the countryside. I went up for a shower and didn't realise that the plug hole was blocked. Before I knew it, the bathroom floor was completely flooded and the ceiling below was dripping. FML

#19748438
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17331) - you deserved it (6619)

On 06/07/2012 at 3:47am - misc - by Sophie (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the store with my grandpa. When we were rung up, he started to pay for our myriad groceries in coins, and the guy behind us groaned. My grandpa said, "shut your mouth," and started ranting about how stupid people are to leave paper trails for "government spooks." FML

#20006151
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17331) - you deserved it (1778)

On 08/06/2012 at 5:37pm - money - by for fucks sake gramps (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I tried to wake my husband up in the middle of the night by kissing him deeply and massaging his neck and shoulders. He opens his eyes, looks at me, says "No", and goes back to sleep. FML

#5306041
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17328) - you deserved it (12935)

On 09/17/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by turnoff (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

#19397003
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17327) - you deserved it (1731)

On 04/02/2012 at 7:40pm - money - by unfriendlyskies (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I went commando because its 98 degrees and sweaty boxers are a pain. While walking to class at UT I heard a girl laugh behind me, I turned and flashed a quick smile and kept walking. It turns out I had sweat through my khakis and she totally could see my crack. Texas weather sucks. FML

#2968548
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17326) - you deserved it (44379)

On 06/17/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by Longhorn2011 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was accused of being high. Why? Because I was playing with a milk bottle. FML

#19331009
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17323) - you deserved it (4626)

On 03/23/2012 at 2:18am - misc - by Not_High (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML

#20168119
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17322) - you deserved it (2163)

On 11/18/2012 at 1:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, I saw Les Misérables. I was singing along to one of the songs when the guy next to me dumped his soda over my head and told me to shut up. FML

#20447311
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17322) - you deserved it (94102)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:34am - misc - by maddiecat - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found a very light blonde long hair on my marital bed's pillow. I confronted my husband about it and after hours of arguments and me throwing his stuff out of the house, I found another. Attached to my head. My husband isn't having an affair, I'm just going grey. FML

#21314908
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17322) - you deserved it (39215)

On 12/10/2014 at 7:59am - love - by mastel07 (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)



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