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Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML

#19936728
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20586) - you deserved it (4742)

On 07/14/2012 at 10:43am - health - by Anonymous - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

#6596856
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20582) - you deserved it (6122)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:48am - intimacy - by Not-so-sexy - United States (Washington)

Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML

#19409952
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20579) - you deserved it (2926)

On 04/05/2012 at 12:13am - work - by Kait - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML

#19459433
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20578) - you deserved it (6422)

On 04/13/2012 at 12:46am - love - by jesifairy - Australia

Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML

#467270
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20577) - you deserved it (64618)

On 03/19/2009 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML

#4405675
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20575) - you deserved it (42836)

On 08/09/2009 at 10:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

#8409963
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20573) - you deserved it (3666)

On 02/18/2010 at 3:08pm - love - by gp28 - United States

Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML

#13925206
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20573) - you deserved it (3008)

On 11/21/2010 at 1:36pm - kids - by kaileekat517 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on new year's eve. An hour later I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the new year with my boss. FML

#14379512
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20573) - you deserved it (3734)

On 12/29/2010 at 5:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend complained that we may not work out because I'm "just too needy". I'd woken up early and texted him "good morning" while he was trying to sleep. FML

#9047626
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20567) - you deserved it (9022)

On 03/13/2010 at 2:10pm - love - by bumblebee (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, saying that the only thing he would change about me is my last name. I later told him that I wanted to keep my last name after the marriage. I'm now single again. FML

#19624313
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20561) - you deserved it (38763)

On 05/14/2012 at 9:09pm - love - by singleagain (woman) - United States

Today, I saw a picture of a dude on a Harley on my friend's wall. I asked her if it was Dog the bounty hunter. It wasn't, it was her aunt. FML

Today, I discovered that just because I get unwanted erections on an hourly basis throughout the day, it doesn't mean that I can get required erections in the night. FML

#6065212
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20555) - you deserved it (2324)

On 10/30/2009 at 12:17am - intimacy - by frustrated (man) - Australia (South Australia)



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