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Today, I was fired for actively seeking employment with another company. Because of having just been fired, the other company will no longer give me the time of day. FML

#20132895
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21232) - you deserved it (4221)

On 10/25/2012 at 4:13pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21231) - you deserved it (5700)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML

#19462191
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21232) - you deserved it (4332)

On 04/13/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

#20957289
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21231) - you deserved it (42895)

On 11/14/2013 at 5:57am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML

#20666917
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21229) - you deserved it (37825)

On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML

#171291
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21227) - you deserved it (53340)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:00pm - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bought weed for the first time. The dealer was an undercover cop. FML

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

#14242340
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21219) - you deserved it (85396)

On 12/18/2010 at 12:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a raise at work. It will bring my hourly wage to about a cent more per hour. Our CEO just reported record-breaking profits for the year. FML

#19890540
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21216) - you deserved it (1697)

On 07/04/2012 at 12:41pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was watching 'Tool Academy' with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be 'Tiny Tool'. I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

#2732
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21215) - you deserved it (4267)

On 01/26/2009 at 7:21pm - love - by soundbox - United States (Florida)

Today, I just went to the bathroom and someone thought I was a guy. FML

#4206
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21215) - you deserved it (2981)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by Lady of Sorrows - United States (Indiana)

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

#18933385
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21213) - you deserved it (3355)

On 01/28/2012 at 12:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

#831890
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21207) - you deserved it (59287)

On 04/06/2009 at 6:41am - misc - by Anna (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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