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Today, I visited my friend in a nasty part of town. When I saw the shattered window of the car next to me, and the missing stereo, I moved my car to a safer location. Luckily, though, I have a common car, so the thieves were able to jimmy the lock and steal my stereo without making any noise. FML

by unsurprised / 02/28/2010 at 5:51am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I brought my own thermos of coffee on the train with me, the kind that flips open to uncover the mouth part. I take a few swigs and notice a cute boy nervously smiling at me. Suddenly, I feel something drip down my nose. The flip part was leaving drops of coffee all over my forehead. FML

by Anonymous / 04/08/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally ate a cat treat instead of a cinnamon glazed pecan. I thought it must have been burnt by the way it tasted, so ate a few more before I figured out my mistake and spat them out. FML

by ilovecharliesheen / 03/17/2015 at 3:14am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2010 at 5:08pm / United States (Connecticut) / Money

Today, I couldn’t have a conversation with my fiancé unless it was about Dragon Ball Z. FML

by DBZ / 02/20/2012 at 10:53am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to try to serenade me by throwing rocks at my window and singing a song about how much he loves me. This would have been extremely sweet if he would have gotten my window instead of my dad's. FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2012 at 6:16am / United States / Love

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2013 at 12:53am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I picked up my computer which had been at the repair shop for two weeks. I quickly logged on to MSN to talk to the girl who I'd been hitting on for weeks. Her profile picture was a photo of herself with her new boyfriend. FML

by Falouila / 12/17/2008 at 2:15am / Love

Today, I auditioned for a part in a play. I've been practicing for months, and was very excited. After I finished singing, the director whispered something to the other judges, and they all laughed. Hard. So much for the lead role. FML

by embarrassed / 11/17/2010 at 9:31pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a round brush stuck in my hair so badly that I couldn't get it out for 45 minutes, and had a panic attack. I had to drive through town with a brush dangling from my head, to the hair salon, and listen to them laugh while they got it out. FML

by maggie / 11/30/2011 at 2:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally turned 21 so my friends and I decided to go to a club. There, I met this hot waitress and we were really hitting it off. I decided to order a drink. She replied with, "No problem, kiddo." FML

by DerrickUhl / 06/19/2012 at 12:28am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I confessed to my coworker that I'm interested in her romantically. She turned me down, saying that I'm a great guy, but that she basically doesn't want mixed-race children. She said she isn't racist, though, so I guess it's all okay, right? FML

by disgusted / 12/13/2015 at 2:45am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today at work, a woman decided to use the changing room as a public toilet, to wipe the urine with the clothes she tried on, then leave the mess along with her soiled underwear and a used maxi pad for me to clean up. FML

by peachass / 12/28/2015 at 11:59pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work