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Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML

#17323826
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8232) - you deserved it (27772)

On 07/31/2011 at 8:07pm - work - by MikeMorin18 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

#14304589
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8230) - you deserved it (36235)

On 12/22/2010 at 11:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the bar and my friend and I were making fun of this guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzled Ed Hardy hat. We were saying how he was the epitome of a douche bag and that he probably likes UFC. Turns out he's an MMA fighter and I now have a broken nose. FML

#4827023
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8229) - you deserved it (57247)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by brokennose (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

#5831331
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8226) - you deserved it (19609)

On 10/14/2009 at 5:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML

#13482616
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8226) - you deserved it (17070)

On 10/17/2010 at 4:13am - animals - by baddoggy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML

#896
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8222) - you deserved it (19582)

On 01/09/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by Elizabeth - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

#7213754
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8223) - you deserved it (42727)

On 01/08/2010 at 6:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

#20164153
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8221) - you deserved it (39584)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML

#4860
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8220) - you deserved it (49366)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:17pm - intimacy - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was driving my family home, when my 7 year old son had to pee. Having long since passed any rest stops, I made him use a bottle. Once he was done, he grenaded the bottle out the window, hitting someone's windshield dead on. FML

#14186917
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8211) - you deserved it (22379)

On 12/13/2010 at 2:35am - misc - by wtfson -

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

#15787937
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8208) - you deserved it (30323)

On 04/14/2011 at 8:53pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I passed out at a party after having a few too many, as one does. I woke up with swastikas and penises drawn on my face with permanent marker. I now have to go home, using public transport, to my prudish, Jewish dad who thought I was at my friend's house for a sleepover with no alcohol. FML

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy the Plan B pill. The pharmacist recognized me and said, "Really? Again?" FML

#3333
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8205) - you deserved it (31207)

On 01/29/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by Hahaha - United States (California)



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