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Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

#20861665
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24003) - you deserved it (69939)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by criminal tit offender - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend told me that because he works fifty hours a week, I should be meeting an arbitrary quota of fifty hours of housework, and if I don't, I'm insensitive and ungrateful. FML

#19895787
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24002) - you deserved it (9814)

On 07/05/2012 at 3:34pm - work - by lazy pregnant girl - United States

Today, I picked up my computer which had been at the repair shop for two weeks. I quickly logged on to MSN to talk to the girl who I'd been hitting on for weeks. Her profile picture was a photo of herself with her new boyfriend. FML

#531
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24001) - you deserved it (4721)

On 12/17/2008 at 2:15am - love - by Falouila - Sent from mobile version

Today, I received a notice that my boyfriend had given me a rose via Happy Aquarium on Facebook. It came with a date cancellation so that he and his friends could play BioShock. FML

#8246413
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24001) - you deserved it (4489)

On 02/14/2010 at 11:32am - love - by Fv-day (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while at work, I cringed as I noticed my caveman colleague frantically digging into his nose and then continuing the use of his computer. I work in IT support and will be rebuilding his computer and reinstalling all his applications in 30 minutes time. FML

#14034046
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24001) - you deserved it (2237)

On 11/30/2010 at 9:07am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my potbellied pig ate my neighbor's award-winning flower garden, that she has been growing for almost three years. She'd told me that she was bringing the judges of the competition, in which she was in line to win $300, to her house in two days. I have yet to tell her. FML

#17494205
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23998) - you deserved it (15641)

On 08/16/2011 at 10:05pm - misc - by otter - United States (Washington)

Today, our Christmas tree was damaged beyond repair after my son and his friends borrowed it for a little experiment. They tied balloons to the branches and tried to make it fly, after seeing a similar video online. FML

#18468600
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23997) - you deserved it (3388)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:44pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML

#18458451
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23997) - you deserved it (4434)

On 12/08/2011 at 2:30am - work - by dulllife - United States (Texas)

Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML

#21446839
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23996) - you deserved it (1670)

On 07/25/2015 at 1:30am - misc - by for fuck's sake, gran (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I confessed to my coworker that I'm interested in her romantically. She turned me down, saying that I'm a great guy, but that she basically doesn't want mixed-race children. She said she isn't racist, though, so I guess it's all okay, right? FML

#21503177
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23997) - you deserved it (3076)

On 12/13/2015 at 2:45am - love - by disgusted (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, a student of mine used the phrase "well, you know, like back in your day" about defining "going out". I'm only 24. FML

#1158
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23995) - you deserved it (2091)

On 01/14/2009 at 6:20pm - kids - by Old? - United States (Washington)

Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML

#14124824
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23994) - you deserved it (3349)

On 12/07/2010 at 9:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, there was a horrible smell in my kitchen. I tried to find the source, but failed and had to leave for the day. That night, my brother informed me that the smell was coming from a dead mouse stuck in our toaster. FML

#20131308
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23994) - you deserved it (2001)

On 10/24/2012 at 1:35pm - animals - by 12693 - Australia (Western Australia)



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