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Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML

by snickerdoodles / 02/10/2010 at 4:19pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, my separation anxiety got so intense, I found myself smelling my boyfriend's pillow. FML

Today, I told my mother that, after years of cheating and abuse, I'm finally getting a divorce. Her reaction was deep concern that my husband might not want to "be friends" with the rest of the family any more. FML

by Really / 01/15/2016 at 11:25am / United States (Montana) / Love

Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML

Today, I decided to help the homeless by giving them old clothes and food. In return, they decided to mug me. FML

by HazzaBoo / 08/07/2012 at 7:45pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a student of mine used the phrase "well, you know, like back in your day" about defining "going out". I'm only 24. FML

by Old? / 01/14/2009 at 6:20pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, while at work, I cringed as I noticed my caveman colleague frantically digging into his nose and then continuing the use of his computer. I work in IT support and will be rebuilding his computer and reinstalling all his applications in 30 minutes time. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 9:07am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2013 at 2:02am / Israel / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that my two year old likes to help with the groceries. And by help I mean hide a bag of chicken. It's been two weeks since I went grocery shopping and I still can't find it, but it smells like something died in my house. FML

by KillingMeSlowly / 10/10/2015 at 11:37pm / Kids

Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2015 at 9:28pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

by BrandonDrapeau / 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I was hanging out with my neighbor. He asked me if I wanted to play Twister, and I said no because I thought it would be weird. What was his response? "C'mon. You can leave if it gets sexual". FML

Today, my friend's van ran out of gas on an expressway off-ramp. After pushing it to the shoulder, we walked to a gas station and got a can of gas. We got back to the van to find that the battery had died from leaving on the lights and hazards to avoid an accident. FML

by stranded / 09/27/2010 at 1:56am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation