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Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I see my dad on a bike so I shout after him. He turns his head around and then runs into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML

#2028672
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19559) - you deserved it (33169)

On 05/17/2009 at 8:35pm - misc - by Richocet - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

#2556869
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19555) - you deserved it (58053)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by boinger (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

#20090283
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19551) - you deserved it (2458)

On 09/26/2012 at 10:29pm - love - by - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML

#19416398
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19547) - you deserved it (2195)

On 04/06/2012 at 7:09am - work - by mockable (woman) - United States

Today, my dad got a hard-on looking at my best friend. He asked me how my NutriSystem diet was going. He was looking at my friend's boobs when he asked me. FML

#8082949
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19546) - you deserved it (2009)

On 02/10/2010 at 7:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my colleague yet again misused the word "literally." It's driving me insane. I have to work opposite him and hear him say things like he's just "literally shit himself inside out." FML

#19656531
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19541) - you deserved it (4618)

On 05/21/2012 at 10:11am - work - by Rebecca (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML

#21413204
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19561) - you deserved it (8490)

On 05/20/2015 at 7:21pm - misc - by BannedfromFriend - United States

Today, I tried buying a video game that was rated "M - for mature". The Cashier told me "you have to be 17 to buy this game". I didn't have any ID on me. I'm 25. FML

#1541
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19537) - you deserved it (3503)

On 01/18/2009 at 5:24am - misc - by Noname - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

#8265301
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19535) - you deserved it (4883)

On 02/14/2010 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by klsdhjla (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

#20108628
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19535) - you deserved it (2809)

On 10/09/2012 at 1:39am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML

#21341213
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19534) - you deserved it (18275)

On 01/20/2015 at 8:56pm - work - by kingkobrastrikes (man) - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I have major OCD, and I had to sit in a room with a man covered in cat hair, struggling to even survive for an hour and a half. FML

#19368838
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19532) - you deserved it (3649)

On 03/29/2012 at 7:13am - misc - by toryzhere - Canada

Today, I found out that my parents changed the code on our alarm system while they were out of town. The police could not verify I was their son, despite spending hours trying to get hold of them. They thought it was just another telemarketer. FML

#20085837
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19531) - you deserved it (1234)

On 09/23/2012 at 10:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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