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Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML

#19440536
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24046) - you deserved it (2765)

On 04/09/2012 at 11:50pm - animals - by Lee (woman) - United States

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

#21451089
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24042) - you deserved it (3379)

On 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm - kids - by BrandonDrapeau - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to explain to my 22-year-old boyfriend that mice do not grow up to be rats. FML

#20096649
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24039) - you deserved it (2706)

On 10/01/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, our mouse problem finally started to go away. Now we have a snake problem. FML

#21423927
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24039) - you deserved it (1996)

On 06/10/2015 at 1:55pm - misc - by Eisenhorn (man) - United States

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight to pin down some total scumsucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

#21450305
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24039) - you deserved it (2684)

On 08/01/2015 at 2:18am - work - by hook me up with some smack, Jack (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML

#18371495
115 comments

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

#19433649
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24037) - you deserved it (2609)

On 04/08/2012 at 11:29pm - love - by Stinky. - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boss quit, leaving me as the only structural engineer at my company. I'm fresh out of college and will have to finish the projects on my own. Hope Google can teach me how to do this. FML

#21471843
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24037) - you deserved it (1712)

On 09/23/2015 at 1:09pm - work - by ImAnEngineer (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was bored at work, so I started browsing the Internet. While I was on my Facebook page, my boss tagged me in a status: "I've been standing behind you for ten minutes." FML

#21134321
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24036) - you deserved it (49467)

On 05/08/2014 at 7:46pm - work - by notbrowsingnow (man) - United States

Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML

#20163308
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24035) - you deserved it (3383)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

#13257198
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24034) - you deserved it (4280)

On 09/29/2010 at 11:17pm - animals - by peepee. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I visited my friend in a nasty part of town. When I saw the shattered window of the car next to me, and the missing stereo, I moved my car to a safer location. Luckily, though, I have a common car, so the thieves were able to jimmy the lock and steal my stereo without making any noise. FML

#8712450
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24033) - you deserved it (3038)

On 02/28/2010 at 5:51am - money - by unsurprised (man) - United States (Texas)



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