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Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML

#19525636
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18303) - you deserved it (9295)

On 04/25/2012 at 12:50am - misc - by unfortunate (woman) - Sweden

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

#15356314
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18300) - you deserved it (83071)

On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the airport for my two week trip to explore Europe. My ticket was denied and the workers turned me away. When I asked why, they told me to check the date. My ticket was for June 22nd, not July. FML

#3951293
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18299) - you deserved it (57612)

On 07/22/2009 at 12:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

#7225857
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18298) - you deserved it (5101)

On 01/08/2010 at 10:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at a post-Christmas party, I saw a cute girl standing underneath a mistletoe. I walked up to her and pointed out that we were both standing under a mistletoe. She looked at me, winced, and quickly walked away. FML

#20424412
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18290) - you deserved it (21189)

On 12/26/2012 at 9:09pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

#3971030
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18287) - you deserved it (70230)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States

Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML

#7452564
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18288) - you deserved it (4353)

On 01/20/2010 at 5:01am - misc - by embarrassedinretail (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML

#20088602
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18287) - you deserved it (2239)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:57pm - misc - by pplsuck - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized that the closest thing I have to a savings account is the cup on my dresser with coins in it. I counted it, $17.34. That is my savings. I'm 28. FML

#2464165
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18285) - you deserved it (46390)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:11pm - money - by mooseknuckle (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

#33255
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18284) - you deserved it (39737)

On 02/12/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by SmokedSalmon (man) - United States (New York)

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

#2335982
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18283) - you deserved it (64202)

On 05/27/2009 at 5:45am - intimacy - by arctic1 (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML

#8122396
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18281) - you deserved it (2575)

On 02/11/2010 at 4:09am - intimacy - by stewiesclone - United States



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