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Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML

#20141607
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22143) - you deserved it (4231)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:09pm - animals - by NotSpiderman (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to the doctor's thinking I had a UTI. Turns out I have an STD. FML

#18526714
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22143) - you deserved it (37974)

On 12/16/2011 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

#21445738
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22142) - you deserved it (2481)

On 07/22/2015 at 11:18pm - health - by skyllabeauty1234 - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

#645
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22141) - you deserved it (3531)

On 12/31/2008 at 9:53pm - misc - by blck - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I enjoyed a lovely family dinner, but my irritating grandma kept trying to buy my purse off me, and kept picking it up to look at it. When I got home I realized all my cash and cigarettes were gone. FML

#20149150
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22139) - you deserved it (2879)

On 11/05/2012 at 5:11pm - money - by Brooklyn - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at a professional tennis match. The ball was hit extremely hard, resulting in it going into the crowd. And when I say crowd, I mean my face. FML

#21443966
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22136) - you deserved it (1925)

On 07/19/2015 at 10:36am - health - by Ouch - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML

#21443019
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22135) - you deserved it (8752)

On 07/17/2015 at 12:40pm - money - by raquel (woman) - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML

#7158529
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22133) - you deserved it (3520)

On 01/05/2010 at 2:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my idiot boss placed an expensive order for anti-bullying banners that read: "Take a stand against bullying!" This would be fine if I didn't work in a specialized school for children in wheelchairs. FML

#21436683
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22133) - you deserved it (1524)

On 07/05/2015 at 5:29am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML

#19237523
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22132) - you deserved it (6465)

On 03/08/2012 at 2:13am - misc - by thatchick3333 - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

#19992743
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22132) - you deserved it (4354)

On 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm - animals - by soph511 (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I received the first compliment from the opposite sex that I've gotten in months, from an elderly, cross-dressing man in the parking lot of Goodwill. Apparently my clothes look like they'd be "exciting to try on." FML

#19129849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22130) - you deserved it (2685)

On 02/21/2012 at 7:44am - misc - by mishie1 (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML

#21452873
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22134) - you deserved it (5994)

On 08/06/2015 at 7:14pm - love - by Stinky and Single - United States



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