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Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML

#12544003
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18948) - you deserved it (39047)

On 08/15/2010 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Peekaman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML

#21390076
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18948) - you deserved it (15353)

On 04/08/2015 at 3:36pm - misc - by losing the plot (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

#1229
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18945) - you deserved it (3113)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:00am - health - by j0j0 - France (Aquitaine)

Today, I went to my first class of the semester. After an hour of intense note writing, I realized I was in the wrong class. FML

#18766012
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18945) - you deserved it (27345)

On 01/10/2012 at 12:15pm - work - by student414 (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

#2556869
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18942) - you deserved it (57053)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by boinger (man) - United States (California)

Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML

#316
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18935) - you deserved it (9727)

On 11/17/2008 at 12:04am - work - by Tomtom - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at a concert. It was dark and everyone was singing and waving their lit-up phones in the air. I was having a great time, until someone snatched my £200 phone out of my hand. FML

#20016571
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18934) - you deserved it (10296)

On 08/12/2012 at 7:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I went to the House of Horrors at Universal Studios. People dressed up as monsters would jump at us, and I was so freaked out that I tripped. My equally terrified mom fell on top of me. Frankenstein's monster was nice enough to ask us if we were alright. FML

#17565538
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18931) - you deserved it (14837)

On 08/24/2011 at 2:32am - misc - by Trimacle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got whiplash from sneezing. FML

#19448000
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18931) - you deserved it (2795)

On 04/11/2012 at 3:04am - health - by kissrocks4 - United States (California)

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

#20154549
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18928) - you deserved it (4129)

On 11/08/2012 at 12:49am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML

#1585
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18924) - you deserved it (36820)

On 01/18/2009 at 11:30am - intimacy - by f__k_it - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was watching 'Tool Academy' with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be 'Tiny Tool'. I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

#2732
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18921) - you deserved it (3951)

On 01/26/2009 at 7:21pm - love - by soundbox - United States (Florida)



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