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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got a spray tan for homecoming. While I was dancing, I got really sweaty and the spray tan rubbed off on the guy's white tux. FML

#13241516
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8071) - you deserved it (42551)

On 09/28/2010 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the airport with my mom, who requested a wheelchair for me, since I have a broken leg. I'm 24. Embarrassed, I insisted I push myself around, instead of an airline assistant doing it. A few seconds later, I crash into the same airline assistant, who then falls back into my lap. FML

#13060775
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8070) - you deserved it (23720)

On 09/15/2010 at 11:53am - health - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, after the two week winter break, I went back to school to find that the bookbag that I'd left in my car was covered in some creepy, pink gooey stuff. Under the freezing conditions, my lotion had exploded all over my notes and bag. FML

#7150726
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8068) - you deserved it (17282)

On 01/04/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by bandcamp926 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mom walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. She was completely embarrassed (as was I) and she flew out of the room. My boyfriend, on the other hand, still wanted to finish. FML

#8818835
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8068) - you deserved it (14496)

On 03/04/2010 at 5:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I applied for a job and sent my CV, then realised I sent the example CV I got off the internet. Now they think Bob Brown who lives at 123 Sunshine Street is applying for a job. FML

#12261661
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8069) - you deserved it (32099)

On 08/02/2010 at 5:50am - work - by Julia (woman) - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML

#17861769
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8067) - you deserved it (17816)

On 09/29/2011 at 4:04am - work - by AngerManagement - United Kingdom

Today, I thought I might need some anger-management classes, after I punched a hole in a kitchen cabinet when my dog wouldn't stop yapping every time the rooster my neighbors just got made a noise. FML

#17518682
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8066) - you deserved it (17095)

On 08/19/2011 at 11:08am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I received an anonymous letter telling me that I smell bad, and suggesting that I wear more deodorant. Apparently my BO is so bad that someone feels the need to stalk me to point it out. FML

#12947973
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8064) - you deserved it (27946)

On 09/07/2010 at 11:36am - health - by speedstick - United States

Today, I pulled a neck muscle while head-banging. I wasn't at a concert, and I'm not in a heavy metal band, but I do pretend that I am while I'm in the shower. FML

#19744443
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8062) - you deserved it (17631)

On 06/06/2012 at 2:21pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML

#20506184
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8062) - you deserved it (27784)

On 02/14/2013 at 8:18am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my dad walked into my room, threw some magazines on my bed, and calmly said "You left your porn in the bathroom again." FML

#18624814
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8057) - you deserved it (33154)

On 12/27/2011 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by ;)loganberry(; - United States (Montana)

Today, I found out my girlfriend starts fights with me over text because apparently, when I'm arguing with someone, I stop speaking in "annoying shorthand" and am grammatically correct. FML

#18645768
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8056) - you deserved it (31053)

On 12/29/2011 at 5:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at work I got in an elevator to go upstairs. It wasn't until the doors opened minutes later and people stepped in that I realized I had zoned out and forgot to press the button for the floor I needed. I then promptly exited the elevator and waited for the next elevator to go up in. FML

#20513703
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8055) - you deserved it (21885)

On 02/19/2013 at 5:03pm - work - by CaBur (man) - United States (California)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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