Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

#3058885
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18453) - you deserved it (57172)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML

#20165039
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18455) - you deserved it (2548)

On 11/16/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by spaceforrent - United States

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

#18217902
380 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18451) - you deserved it (77678)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:53am - intimacy - by dumbassbuffet (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

#20072880
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18450) - you deserved it (3281)

On 09/15/2012 at 12:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was talking on my mobile and walking into a grocery store saying, quite loudly, "Time heals all wounds!" right as I passed a woman with significant burns covering her face. I guess I was wrong. FML

#989435
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18448) - you deserved it (48831)

On 04/15/2009 at 12:17pm - misc - by Insensitive (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, what started as my mom calling my grandma for a recipe turned into them discussing the philosophical reason behind my baking. I apparently picked up baking because I'm depressed over unemployment. And here I thought I just liked the smell of baked goods. FML

#19892549
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18445) - you deserved it (1684)

On 07/04/2012 at 9:48pm - misc - by Shortcake (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my friend mentioned a book that reminded her of me, when I asked what it was called she said "He's just not that into you". FML

#2931
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18442) - you deserved it (1856)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:17pm - love - by Oh really - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

#14294179
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18441) - you deserved it (5833)

On 12/22/2010 at 3:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

#19687715
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18440) - you deserved it (2138)

On 05/27/2012 at 9:20am - work - by straightlyconfused - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

#19305380
7 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18437) - you deserved it (12783)

On 03/19/2012 at 12:59am - kids - by FoodyFood (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML

#8290111
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18436) - you deserved it (1984)

On 02/15/2010 at 5:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

#20102423
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18435) - you deserved it (2705)

On 10/05/2012 at 1:59am - misc - by alittlepersonal (man) - United States (Ohio)



FML's blog

  • Sidonie's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! In this week's edition, some pedalos, some kittens, a bunch of gypsy singers, some ponytails, a crooner, a house that looks like Hitler, a joke about George W. Bush's cocaine habit and a brilliant…

Thursday 19 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: