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Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet. I automatically dove my hand in and ran out of the stall with it. As I dried it, some girls were laughing. I assumed that they were laughing because my phone fell in the toilet. Then I noticed my pants were still down. FML

#790752
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18903) - you deserved it (38560)

On 04/03/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by tmac (woman) - United States

Today, I've had no sleep. Why? Because my housemate has a new girlfriend and the walls are too thin. After round three of them shagging, I was exhausted from holding my breath each time the new girlfriend screamed. I also realised that was the closest I'd been to sex in months. FML

#6164199
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18902) - you deserved it (3010)

On 11/05/2009 at 5:25am - intimacy - by Cate (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML

#11198427
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18902) - you deserved it (25159)

On 06/14/2010 at 7:13pm - kids - by gibsonSG323 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

#8889427
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18899) - you deserved it (35781)

On 03/07/2010 at 9:12am - misc - by choldcreations - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

#20570299
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18899) - you deserved it (42080)

On 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Marco (man) - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML

#21395685
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18902) - you deserved it (24452)

On 04/18/2015 at 10:38am - love - by fuck (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I tripped on the way back from collecting a prize in front of 600 students and their parents. I got more applause than I did when collecting the prize. FML

#19877317
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18894) - you deserved it (1932)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:03pm - misc - by plzdontclapme -

Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML

#20659041
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18891) - you deserved it (69080)

On 05/12/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by forever alone - United Kingdom

Today, I got a perfect score on my French quiz, and I was told to have my mom sign it. What I didn't realize was that all the way at the bottom she wrote "Good Nathaly!" and "I love you!" surrounded by little hearts. The teacher hung it up anyway. FML

#13286743
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18890) - you deserved it (4120)

On 10/02/2010 at 7:48am - misc - by lmaoLOSER - United States (New York)

Today, I got stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper. I had to reach into my small trash can and use soiled toilet paper to clean myself. When I went to flush the toilet, I noticed three unused rolls of toilet paper sitting on the counter. FML

Today, my girlfriend got a Twitter account. Now she won't stop hashtagging everything she sends me. FML

#19811531
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18888) - you deserved it (2341)

On 06/19/2012 at 5:59am - misc - by Stu (man) - United States

Today, I went to a baseball game. On the way in, I managed to trip and get stuck in the turnstile. It took five minutes of flailing and twisting around in front of hundreds of people before I managed to pull myself out. FML

#17646290
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18884) - you deserved it (4008)

On 09/02/2011 at 6:20pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked. He grabs my breasts and then begins to sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He is 22. FML

#7152531
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18883) - you deserved it (5297)

On 01/04/2010 at 9:27pm - intimacy - by ambermcnulty - Sent from mobile version



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