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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

#19710621
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19759) - you deserved it (41025)

On 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

#16092460
528 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19757) - you deserved it (66481)

On 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up to my drunk great grandfather peeing on my cat and thinking it was absolutely hysterical. This isn't the first time and he just moved in with me for the next six weeks. FML

#19894625
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19756) - you deserved it (1832)

On 07/05/2012 at 9:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, after 6 months of training and going to the gym every day, I realized that the only thing I've lost is $300 worth of gas. FML

#20131082
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19755) - you deserved it (4597)

On 10/24/2012 at 9:09am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

#19520181
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19754) - you deserved it (5113)

On 04/24/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

#2234853
433 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19751) - you deserved it (148192)

On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend, of a year, got drunk and called me flat chested then said the reason he won't have sex with me anymore is because he is "used" to me. He said all of this in front of his friends. FML

#7701844
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19749) - you deserved it (2439)

On 01/30/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a theme park. The first ride I went on broke down just as my cart reached the highest point. I had a nice view of my loving family laughing at me while management failed to fix the rollercoaster. FML

#20061769
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19746) - you deserved it (1575)

On 09/07/2012 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

#20001841
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19746) - you deserved it (5393)

On 08/04/2012 at 5:33am - health - by MAC. - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

#19341181
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19745) - you deserved it (2377)

On 03/24/2012 at 9:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

#8471213
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19744) - you deserved it (5173)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:47am - intimacy - by jo - United States

Today, I'm participating in a 30 hour awareness-raising event on famine in Africa. I'm supposed to hand out leaflets to people from my booth. My school decided to hand out a literal crate-load of free cupcakes right in front of us. FML

#19239512
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19739) - you deserved it (2792)

On 03/08/2012 at 2:15pm - misc - by hungry - Canada

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

#20069823
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19737) - you deserved it (4200)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:02am - animals - by anonymous - United States (California)



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