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Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

#645
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22140) - you deserved it (3531)

On 12/31/2008 at 9:53pm - misc - by blck - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I got told that I was going to hell for turning down a man that was at least in his 60s. Even after I told him I was married. FML

#21455672
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22144) - you deserved it (1461)

On 08/13/2015 at 5:33pm - love - by hnnhyoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I enjoyed a lovely family dinner, but my irritating grandma kept trying to buy my purse off me, and kept picking it up to look at it. When I got home I realized all my cash and cigarettes were gone. FML

#20149150
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22139) - you deserved it (2879)

On 11/05/2012 at 5:11pm - money - by Brooklyn - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at a professional tennis match. The ball was hit extremely hard, resulting in it going into the crowd. And when I say crowd, I mean my face. FML

#21443966
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22136) - you deserved it (1925)

On 07/19/2015 at 10:36am - health - by Ouch - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML

#7158529
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22133) - you deserved it (3520)

On 01/05/2010 at 2:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my idiot boss placed an expensive order for anti-bullying banners that read: "Take a stand against bullying!" This would be fine if I didn't work in a specialized school for children in wheelchairs. FML

#21436683
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22133) - you deserved it (1524)

On 07/05/2015 at 5:29am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML

#19237523
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22132) - you deserved it (6465)

On 03/08/2012 at 2:13am - misc - by thatchick3333 - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

#19992743
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22132) - you deserved it (4354)

On 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm - animals - by soph511 (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML

#21443019
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22134) - you deserved it (8752)

On 07/17/2015 at 12:40pm - money - by raquel (woman) - United States

Today, I received the first compliment from the opposite sex that I've gotten in months, from an elderly, cross-dressing man in the parking lot of Goodwill. Apparently my clothes look like they'd be "exciting to try on." FML

#19129849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22130) - you deserved it (2685)

On 02/21/2012 at 7:44am - misc - by mishie1 (woman) - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a Family Dollar. My mom thought it would be fun to press all the buttons on the musical ceramic cathedrals so they would all play at the same time. FML

#13788203
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22126) - you deserved it (2855)

On 11/10/2010 at 8:16am - misc - by dearprudence89 - United States

Today, I was out with my dog, who loves to bury things. He had recently torn apart his toy and buried it in the sand. I saw a piece of it sticking out of the ground, so I picked it up. It turns out that I was not holding his toy, but rather a dead bat. FML

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

#21164174
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22125) - you deserved it (39783)

On 06/05/2014 at 6:23pm - misc - by charitableidiot (man) - United States (Oregon)



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