By donkeyd - United States Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was a pocket dial. I decided to listen to it carefully and realized it was him having sex with another girl. FML I agree, your life sucks 29638 You deserved it 2441 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Murfreesboro Today, at the age of 29, I now have a relationship on par with a teenager's. Several weeks ago, my fiancé and I lost our home, and are now back living with our respective families. We now have no privacy. I actually just got dropped off at home, before 10, after having sex in a hay field. FML I agree, your life sucks 36864 You deserved it 5011 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Franklin Size isn't everything! Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I am a 230-pound former soldier. He is a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML I agree, your life sucks 2197 You deserved it 6842 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FartyCar Today, I found a bag of frozen broccoli in my car boot from when I went shopping 3 days ago. My whole car smells like farts now. FML I agree, your life sucks 2011 You deserved it 974 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Grossed Out - Australia Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML I agree, your life sucks 38685 You deserved it 2777 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By luceeloo Today, I spent my working day teaching my new Supervisor the basics of Excel. Until two weeks ago, he was the Office Junior. He and I applied for the same job, but he got it based on the strengths of his "far superior" Excel skills. I'm now teaching him how to do the job that I didn't get. FML I agree, your life sucks 11132 You deserved it 817 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mugged - United States Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML I agree, your life sucks 40319 You deserved it 4818 156 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Paranoid much? Today, I got pushed around by several suspicious mothers in a playground. I just wanted to sit down and rest my feet while I waited for my wife to finish her shopping across the street. FML I agree, your life sucks 1528 You deserved it 157 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Edinburgh Today, my parents told me that they had joined a local club. Proud of them for going out of their comfort zone to make new friends, I googled the name of the club. I'm sure they'll make some lifelong friends at their first swingers club meet. FML I agree, your life sucks 30548 You deserved it 3193 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Wayne Today, not only do I work as a garbage man, but I had to pick up a used, bloody tampon that someone decided to throw on the ground rather than in a garbage can. FML I agree, your life sucks 54447 You deserved it 5041 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By masterman - Canada - Sherwood Park Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML I agree, your life sucks 35004 You deserved it 2920 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By moshgra Today, I went in to work to check my new schedule for the week. I searched up and down and didn't see my name listed. After talking to my manager, he decided it would be easier to "release" me than remake a new schedule. FML I agree, your life sucks 26916 You deserved it 2158 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By foreveralone - Australia - Perth Today, someone finally told me that they couldn't live without me and that they love me more than anything. It was a student in my year 1 class. FML I agree, your life sucks 26184 You deserved it 2204 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DebitDebacle Today, after my bank sent me a new card because the old one had been compromised, I woke up to find that it's already been used to start an Amazon Prime account and order several movies. The card to replace a compromised card has been compromised. FML I agree, your life sucks 3969 You deserved it 239 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fire_Crotch - Canada Today, I turned the shower on the hottest setting so it would warm up quickly. I started to sing and dance around the bathroom. I got too carried away and pelvic thrusted the water, which I hadn't turned back down. FML I agree, your life sucks 8831 You deserved it 48566 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Diesel - Belgium Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML I agree, your life sucks 43350 You deserved it 4547 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I left home to start my new life at University. Saying goodbye to my mother, the last thing she said to me was "Don't turn gay". I'm gay. FML I agree, your life sucks 54700 You deserved it 11122 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/5/2020 05:00 - Australia Jaws Today, I was violently sick. There was so much vomit forcing itself out that I dislocated my jaw. I continued throwing up with a dislocated jaw for an hour or so. FML I agree, your life sucks 2017 You deserved it 124 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML I agree, your life sucks 39821 You deserved it 4673 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unappreciated - United States Today, I took my best friend out to dinner for my birthday. She gave me a gift after I paid the tab saying, "my mom thought you would like this - it was expensive." It was a lovely set of origami paper, which was the exact set I brought her as a souvenir from Japan. She was right, it was expensive. FML I agree, your life sucks 45658 You deserved it 2789 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cunts, cunts everywhere - Australia Today, my brother yelled at me, calling me a "no-good fucking whore", because I couldn't fix his laptop. The same laptop he threw on the floor after screaming "FUCKING HEAL MEEE!" at his game. As ever, my parents took his side, refusing to believe that I can't fix a cracked monitor. FML I agree, your life sucks 44261 You deserved it 2767 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Kennett Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML I agree, your life sucks 35463 You deserved it 52943 210 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poop hands - United States - Salt Lake City Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML I agree, your life sucks 7915 You deserved it 4950 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ethan_18 - United States Today, as my 12 hour shift was about to finish, a young boy came in wanting to buy a $200 gaming device. His mom said he was purchasing it with his own money, which I found admirable. That is, until he took his piggy bank out of his backpack. FML I agree, your life sucks 30889 You deserved it 2484 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GlueAndCarrots - Canada - Markham Today, I told my daughter that we're going to the beach. Today, my daughter also tried to dig up our deceased dog that we buried in our back yard last week so it can come along. FML I agree, your life sucks 25038 You deserved it 1776 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bagpipesrkmywrld - United States Today, my most difficult task at work was three hole punching a 500 page document so somebody could put it in a binder on their shelf and not read it. I have a $150,000 education. FML I agree, your life sucks 51628 You deserved it 7835 177 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Talvesh - United States Today, I had my six month employee review. My manager said that my attendance was good, and I was exceeding my targets performance wise. My reward, a five cent per hour pay cut. Apparently the rate at which I started is too high to meet their current pay scale. FML I agree, your life sucks 29915 You deserved it 2136 41 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By squirrel - United States Today, I was wearing a shirt that had a picture of a squirrel and acorns with a caption reading "Protect Your Nuts". My dad walked up to me, read my shirt, then punched me in the balls. FML I agree, your life sucks 12848 You deserved it 42369 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 02:01 Today, on "Dr. Phil"… Today, my dad got upset when one of his employees showed a romantic interest in my mom. Both parents were totally fine, though, with that same employee announcing his engagement to my 15-year-old sister. FML I agree, your life sucks 1545 You deserved it 100 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By random875 - United States - Owings Mills Today, I got stuck in an elevator. I called the fire department and told them where I was. They said they'd be right there and not to panic. It's hour 6. FML I agree, your life sucks 37171 You deserved it 2466 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rhine - Barbados - Bridgetown Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML I agree, your life sucks 33055 You deserved it 14981 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mitch Today, while reading the newspaper, I noticed that an ad had been placed for my job. I asked my boss for a week off so that I could fly home for my father's funeral. No wonder she was so cool with it. FML I agree, your life sucks 12028 You deserved it 734 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By missingcharlie - United States Today, in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, instead of saying something sexy, he decided to tell me that the bowling alley had a new air hockey table. FML I agree, your life sucks 44982 You deserved it 5669 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kellye - United States Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML I agree, your life sucks 38225 You deserved it 2503 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Cincinnati Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML I agree, your life sucks 43040 You deserved it 3759 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML I agree, your life sucks 47065 You deserved it 2828 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML I agree, your life sucks 1223 You deserved it 479 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By saraleerocha - France Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one moved. I finally looked over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML I agree, your life sucks 40752 You deserved it 14270 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my friend asked why I always smell like a dead animal carcass. I have no idea. FML I agree, your life sucks 28104 You deserved it 7884 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PoorGramps - United States Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML I agree, your life sucks 49296 You deserved it 3114 218 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Donut_Wizard | 23 #7549627 - Saturday 7 October 2017 4:05 This is usually followed by the "plotting their demise knowing that you will never actually act on it" phase. Send a private message 3 0 Reply
By Donut_Wizard | 23 #7549627 - Saturday 7 October 2017 4:05 This is usually followed by the "plotting their demise knowing that you will never actually act on it" phase. Send a private message 3 0 Reply
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking... I agree, your life sucks 26 You deserved it 185 4 Comments
Today, I tried pouring water on myself like in Coyote Ugly to the song "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I ended up waterboarding myself and I didn’t stop until... I agree, your life sucks 71 You deserved it 371 6 Comments