Health: Today, my friend let me borrow a pair of jeans. I found out I'm...

By sydmarie98 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, my friend let me borrow a pair of jeans. I found out I'm allergic to her laundry detergent when I broke out in a rash everywhere that the jeans touched. FML

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23818

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Health

Eco-friendly

We need to know more!

She'll learn

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for a crime that happened 27 years ago. I'm only 21. FML

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2445

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By rinala

Today, my boyfriend decided to start an argument and storm off the train we were on. Two stops later, ticket inspectors hopped on the train. He had our tickets. FML

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25719

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By Tomato

Today, I went with the kids I work with to a roller rink, where there are tons of black lights. Under the glow, I realized in horror that an old semen stain could be seen on my shorts. Praying no one saw, or realized what it was. FML

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2637

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2020 02:02 - United States - Arlington

Always ask for documentation

Today, the guy I met on Tinder texted me about our date tomorrow. He seemed nervous. I come to find out his mom overheard us talking on the phone and wants to meet me. I said OK, that’s not big deal. That’s when he told me that he’s actually 17. I now hate myself because I’m 26. FML

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1471

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By Dead_Fox - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

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34710

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By JJLight - United States - Camarillo

Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML

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52613

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By anonymous - France

Today, the Vuvuzela that my brother ordered online was delivered to our house. FML

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63108

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By UniStudi

Today I sent a message out to a support group to get and give support following a sexual assault, the person who responded and was giving advice was the person who assaulted me. FML

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3641

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By FYouBoyfriend - United States

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

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45488

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By easyontheeyes1 - 1/5/2020 02:00

Romantic afterglow

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML

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1636

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over my date. FML

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31037

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By cougar26 - United States - Pullman

Today, my boss had a breakdown and sent me home early. Apparently my voice reminds him of his abusive stepfather. He said I'm lucky he's on medication. FML

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24937

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1503

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By Lucie - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boyfriend got us kicked out of the Apple store for getting into a heated argument with the guy at the Genius Bar about which video game avatar is hotter. FML

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42893

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By Socklessandsmelly - United States

Today, after 7 hours on my feet at work, my boyfriend picked me up. Relieved, I took off my shoes. Suddenly, he looked up and sniffed asking,"are those your feet?" I had forgotten to put on socks in my rush to work. He made me put my shoes back on and sit in the back, windows open. FML

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19724

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By alf - France

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML

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74778

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7240

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By mcmanager - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a fast food manager, I saw one of my employees "trying to pick the bugs out" of our cookies. They were the raisins in them. FML

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39671

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3593

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By sparkle - United States

Today, I discovered that my roommate uses her Twitter account to complain about me. FML

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25797

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5804

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By fishwizard

Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2703

You deserved it

3849

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By fuauntflo - 7/7/2020 17:01

Thanks, I'm cured!

Today, I went to the ER because of an intensely heavy flow. They kept me waiting so long that, although I was wearing a super absorbent tampon and a pad, I still bled through three times. When I was finally seen, the doctor said, "Try using a higher absorbency and follow up with your regular physician." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1968

You deserved it

164

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By Fatlady43 - United States

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML

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32172

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By BahHumbug - United States - Painesville

Today, after weeks of keeping it a secret, I excitedly gave my boyfriend what I thought to be the perfect Christmas present. Turns out lock picking sets are illegal in Ohio. FML

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17913

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By ktin - Australia

Today, I got wii fit, wii Mario kart and wii Mario galaxy for my birthday, I don't have a wii. FML

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39354

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4854

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By Bellend - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed a flash car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML

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6601

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By Foodcomesfirst - United Kingdom

Brotherly love

Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML

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34028

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By synyster505 - United States

Today, I put my old kitchen table at the end of my driveway with a free sign on it. Later, I saw my neighbor drag it to his yard with a $50 for sale sign on it. It's now gone. FML

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13825

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By ILTali - United States

Today, I was at a party and we were all playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. It was my crush's turn to spin the bottle so my heart started pounding. The bottle pointed towards me! Then my crush said, "With her it'd be 'Seven Minutes in Hell'. Just skip me." FML

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121604

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By Katy

Today, I fell in a vent in our floor while decorating our Christmas tree. My husband removed the grates months ago to increase airflow. I fell in past my knee and he had to pull me out by the arms. It's been four days and I can still barely walk. My office is on a second floor... We don't have an elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2312

Phew, glad it wasn't me

279

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

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54098

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18295

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By Nell - United States

Today, as I was going to bed, I spotted a man staring at my window from a neighbor's yard. Ten minutes later, he was still there. I freaked out, started crying, and contemplated calling the cops. My creeper turned out to be the neighbor's wooden lawn ornament. FML

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14430

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By Anonymous - Iceland

Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML

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43196

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By NotRetarded - United States

Today, I went to a friend's sweet sixteen. Since I didn't know any else at the party I was really happy when the mother told me she sat me next to someone she thought I would have a lot in common with. He ended up being mentally challenged and talked to a sock puppet the whole party. FML

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57941

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3840

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By MyLifeSucks - United States - Houston

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

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45895

You deserved it

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By smh - United States - Sacramento

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

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10230

You deserved it

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By tamp - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18491

You deserved it

71026

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By meowtickmeow - United States

Today, I had a strong feeling that someone was watching me as I was undressing to get ready for bed. I conspicuously moved to the door and threw it open to find my step-brother clearly spying on me. We are the same age, live in the same house three weeks a month and in the same English class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32536

You deserved it

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By Tampax - Spain - Cuenca

Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my fingers being swollen and therefore much bigger than usual. I'm getting married tomorrow and there's no way I can get the ring on my finger. FML

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44198

You deserved it

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By thinking of military school

Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11389

You deserved it

3578

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By fiercehawk - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

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60060

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5310

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By Noname - United States

Today, my sister asked if she could look through my closet to find something to wear. She is 6 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47533

You deserved it

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By lilithfaye - United States

Today, my newly ex-fiancé, the father of my 5-year-old child, moved out of state with no warning. I just spent my last $500 paying off his car, and the rent is due tomorrow. FML

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27538

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Top comments

By MrThump | 16

#6343199 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:33

Hope you weren't going commando!

By MakeTodayADTR | 20

#6343210 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:49

Maybe you're just not meant to be in The Sisterhood.. They can keep their travelling pants.

COMMENTS

By football98_fml | 20

#6343192 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:29

I hope you found that out before you actually put the jeans on

Ms_ValS | 27

#6343209 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:47

I hope OP wore underwear... well if she didn't she kinda deserved it too I mean who goes commando in borrowed pants

Soundslikeothers | 15

#6343231 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:09

This post would be better if neither of you commented on it

tormcn | 26

#6343469 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 17:18

I don't understand why you're being down voted.

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6343575 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 19:01

Oh god, this thread is a mess.

bryce0110 | 23

#6343993 - Wednesday 8 July 2015 2:50

Can everyone here re-read the fml, please?

By hussamhasi | 22

#6343196 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:31

Oh that's bad

By BaDumTsss_fml | 23

#6343197 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:32

Damn, that sounds painful, OP

SubparAtBest | 23

#6343256 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:52

Yay allergies! Hive-five!

By echarlotte | 19

#6343198 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:33

Maybe stick to your own jeans from now on

peacheso | 31

#6343217 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:57

There could be a number of reasons why she had to borrow her friends jeans. Maybe she stained hers...

By MrThump | 16

#6343199 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:33

Hope you weren't going commando!

By Killz268 | 18

#6343200 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:33

whatever happened to your pants?

By xsydneyx123 | 28

#6343202 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:35

Oh no. :( I hope you're okay, OP. I know you were able to post this but please do a follow up and let us know that you're okay. (:

By Greattitan2 | 13

#6343203 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:37

Only if it was winter so you could cover it more easily

By MakeTodayADTR | 20

#6343210 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:49

Maybe you're just not meant to be in The Sisterhood.. They can keep their travelling pants.

By Micool_fml | 14

#6343219 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 11:58

You better take a look down at the Ol' Bearded Clam. Yikes!