The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

All fall down

By Anonymous - 21/11/2023 22:00 - United States - Frederick

Today, I tried to go rollerskating with my kids. I wasn’t even able to fully stand up before I fell and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 148

Zinger

By Anonymous - 01/09/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we had the police called on us for our loud sex noises. This led to my boyfriend making the joke that he’s so good at sex “even the police came.” It was funny at the time, but less funny when he told our friends. Even though I told him to stop, he keeps telling people, and it's pissing me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 300

Weird projection, but OK

By just realized - 17/09/2020 05:03 - United States

Today, I realized that when someone's pregnant or introduces me to their kids, they're saying, "I had sex with this person" and now I can’t stop visualizing it. Keep me out of your personal life, Tom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 1 401

Bodyshaming sausages

By Anonymous - 05/01/2024 20:00

Today, I knew micropenises existed, I just never expected I’d see one in person after spending weeks building my anticipation of losing my virginity, getting naked in front of him, then being presented with half a cocktail sausage. Even if we had sex I think I’d still be a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 289

By Laura - 03/05/2012 07:55 - France

Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 44

Is it magical?

By Patricia - 20/10/2022 12:00

Today, I found out that the guy I slept with on our first date and bailed on me the next day is dating a friend of mine. In fact, they’re still together after sleeping together on the first date. Nice to know my vagina couldn’t make him stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 1 375

Not now!

By Anonymous - 18/04/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 104

Tough break

By Anonymous - 27/06/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom - Woking

Today, my bouncy, friendly, loving, energetic dog was diagnosed with a spinal condition. Now, if she runs, jumps, or plays she’ll cripple herself. Bonus: she has no idea anything’s wrong, and just stares out a window wondering why her beloved human has suddenly banned her from doing every single thing she loves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 47

By nenette - 12/11/2014 22:50 - France

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 40

Good intentions

By Joe666 - 19/08/2023 20:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I decided to declutter my closet and donate old clothes. Proud of my altruism, I packed everything into bags and drove to the donation center. As I handed over the bags, the volunteer looked at me sympathetically and said, "We're not accepting donations right now." So not only did I just Marie Kondo my wardrobe, I also managed to be a one-person traffic jam for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 158

Unsustainable

By Anonymous - 29/10/2023 20:00 - United States - Clinton

Today, I started to hate being the "mentally stable friend" because my friends will be talking about mental health and I've got to be the 'all smiles and positive' person who gives them hope in life, but the second I falter I can see everyone shift and I'm just not. Allowed. To. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 150

By DaddyZ - 27/06/2010 13:30 - United States

Today, my youngest son thought that RedBull actually gave him wings. What it actually gave him was a trip to the ER and 7 stitches. It also gave me a meeting with social services. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 73

Gimme a break

By Everything Counts - 24/02/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I walked out on my lunch break to see my steering column destroyed and my back passenger window broken. I'm supposed to be reuniting my foster son with his family tomorrow. Now I need a rental and a shot of something strong to get through this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 85

That's the spirit

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 09:00 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, it's been 8 months since I was downsized and have been having a hard time finding work, despite a good work history and education. Today, I found out that my car needs a new transmission ($4k - $6k). Sometimes, things stink and you just have to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 73

Bunch of amateurs

By Anonymous - 14/12/2023 09:00 - Australia - Wacol

Today, I got my 9 year-old daughter back from a sleepover at my mum's. My 17 year-old niece was also staying there at the same time, and heard my daughter complaining that her fringe was in her eyes. My niece decided to cut my daughter's hair. There are now chunks missing and it's all uneven. No one asked my permission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 175

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 11/01/2024 22:00 - Germany

Today, I heard the cat flap so I called out, “Hello my darling!” When the noise continued but no cat appeared, I went to check and it turned out that "My darling“ was a rat that had just figured out the mechanism and was working up the courage to come in and steal my chicken feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 137

Fur babies

By Sad cat owner - 25/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I've been trying to adopt a cat with little success since my last one died. My other cat, who had grown attached to him when she realized he was dying, has been lazier and more prone to seeking attention than before since he passed away. I now know cats can suffer from depression. I feel bad now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 141

Accidental racist

By lordoftheweird - 19/09/2024 06:00 - Canada

Today, I was accused of racism for mentioning that an employee can't read. That would've been racist… if she could actually read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 95

Fill those slots!

By Anonymous - 05/06/2024 16:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my girlfriend pawned in her mother's engagement ring so she could gamble at the pokies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 123

By qyx3lmnop24 - 20/12/2014 07:33 - United States - Napa

Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 52

A lot to deal with

By Anonymous - 21/09/2025 00:00

Today, my boyfriend of six years asked, "If you'd go somewhere, where'd you go?" Assumed he's planning our first big vacation, I said, "Somewhere warm, with water and beaches." Later I found out via social media that he's at the airport with a chick resembling our new neighbour. They're going to a romantic place with his boss. I also found out that I'm pregnant and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 142

All over the place

By Anonymous - 08/01/2023 00:00

Today, my ADHD has gotten so bad that I called my son by my brother’s name, bumped heads with my 2 year-old, and just now went to sit back down on the couch next to husband and accidentally elbowed him in the eye so badly that he went to sleep because he was so angry with me. Praying he doesn’t have a black eye tomorrow.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 1 052

Cry for help

By Anonymous - 21/04/2024 09:00 - United States - Billerica

Today, I need a remote position due to a disability, but no company will even try to work with me. My car just died. I'll never be able to live on my own, despite being 30. The worst part? All the people who are gonna reply and call me "entitled." FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 191

Someone needs a good talking to

By Anonymous - 02/07/2025 20:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband once again woke me up in the wee hours to have sex. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is great but as soon as he nuts he rolls over and goes right back to sleep. I however am stuck awake and can’t get back to sleep no matter how hard I try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 150

Turn me on

By Anonymous - 12/01/2022 05:01

Today, the fuck boi I’ve been seeing got so interested about my only bi experience, which was light petting in high school, that I’ve started making up far-fetched embellishments to the tale. I can’t believe the stuff this guy is willing to believe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 1 918

Out of shape

By Out of shape - 21/03/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I got extremely winded from adjusting my blanket. What a workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 376

Eavesdropping ain't a good idea

By Sorry we can't all be 5'10", Katie - 27/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend's future sister-in-law ask him not to bring me to the wedding. Apparently, me being so much shorter than everyone else is "embarrassing" and "would make the pictures look weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 83

The best costume design award goes to…

By Anonymous - 27/10/2023 06:00

Today, my son is so rabid for Halloween this year that he decided to dress up early and do his own Incredible Hulk makeup. He used a green permanent marker he stole from school. It’s all over him from head to foot, and my carpet, sofa, bathtub, and even the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 96

Now that you mention it…

By Broken and Broke - 31/05/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I have to choose between getting a new job and losing my health insurance as a result, or staying unemployed and being evicted. Did I mention that I am unemployed due to severely breaking my leg with no legal recourse? FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 124

Get on with it!

By Anonymous - 16/12/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, my long-term relationship of over a decade ended very badly. We didn't speak nor look at each other while I was dropping his stuff off. Of course, my car battery died, and I had to ask him for help and had to see his parents. His dad couldn't get the hood open for about ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 129

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The Top

Today, neither I nor any of my coworkers understand why our boss hates me enough that I feel the need to carry pepperspray on me at all times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 080

You deserved it 1 614

Today, I was talking to a friend and bemoaning the fact that my new coworkers keep mixing up my gender. She looked at me critically and said, "Yeah, until you can grow a decent beard, people are going to keep thinking you're an intern or a butch lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 791

You deserved it 2 331

Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 543

You deserved it 3 444

Today, at work I had to convince an 80 year-old mental patient that she's not Ke$ha and that she really has to put her clothes back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 805

You deserved it 4 882

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, and my drunk best friend knocked on our door. We screamed 'go away' and she still opened the door. She then saw us, and asked if she can join. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 772

You deserved it 761

Today, it’s my birthday. Not only did my boyfriend of 5 years forget, when I reminded him, he said very unenthusiastically, “Oh, Happy Birthday.” When I said, “That’s it?” he got annoyed and said,“Well, what else do you want me to tell you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 1 263