Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, on top of learning that I have three discs pressing on my spinal column and a labral tear, I also found out my left testicle dropped, but not my right one. I'm nearly 40 and I need to see a urologist over this. After the surgeries to fix my spine and hip. FML
Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I finally lost some weight. Unfortunately, that's only because I had a testicle removed due to cancer. FML
Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML
Today, I awoke with a swollen, painful testicle. I called the ambulance and went to the hospital. After they'd done an ultrasound, it's a bad infection. My nurse was someone I used to know and had a major crush on. She's responsible for checking my testicle every 20 minutes when she checks my heart rate. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML
Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
Today, I went to a doctor's appointment, being concerned about some abnormal swelling and soreness in one of my testicles. They fondled my balls for 20 seconds before saying, "Yeah, that's abnormal. You should probably go get an ultrasound somewhere and maybe take some ibuprofen for the pain. That'll be $265." FML
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Top comments
ThrottleJockey 35
Well, balls.
BurnInDemonFire 35
Damn. Hope all goes well, my dude.
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Comments (21)
BurnInDemonFire 35
Damn. Hope all goes well, my dude.
ThrottleJockey 35
Well, balls.
Lalala579121 27
No, ball.
d3rpb0t 10
I see Pussy Riot is alive and well.
Glowworm56 26
"Cat got your left ********?" just doesn't have quite the same ring as "Cat got your tongue?"
AlyCo55 13
How about “cat got your sack?”
Glowworm56 26
I personally like "Cat got your marbles?"
Charlie Given 26
DAMN!!! OMG I hope it went well for u man I feel your agony so sorry I understand how it feels about 10 yrs ago my ex's 🐈 seen my dangling balls while I was half asleep sitting on shitter it grabbed them sunk all it's front claws and 3 of it's canine's into nuts and scrotum had to take nasty antibiotic cocktail to save the boys and it was a kitten 😱😫😒
boopingsnoot 24
I’ve seen what happened when a (~20 lb) dog tried to fight a cat and lost. I can’t even imagine how awful such a sensitive injury would feel!
boopingsnoot 24
Question: Did the cat live there? Didn’t say “my cat” or “her cat”, OP just said “the cat”
pjsr 32
Nah, it was just one of those feral cats that roam all bathrooms
Lalala579121 27
I feel like this is an appropriate time to bring the ceiling cat meme back to life.
Ravenclaws-Jinx 5
wouldn't that move be more of a basement cat thing?
Taurus_ChicKa 36
OMG that's terrible! But how in the world did the cat tear open your ball sack just from you pulling your pants down? Did it literally jump up and attack you? Did you go to sit down? Was the cat on the toilet? So many unanswered questions here.
Lalala579121 27
I think the cat was probably using the bathroom and didn't appreciate its privacy being disturbed. I bet OP didn't even knock first.
RichardPencil 30
That’s nuts!
BrookieB 13
That was a ballsy move on the cats part
Davros 12
Cat Scratch Fever? I think Ted Nugent wrote a song about that.