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The all-time greatest FMLs

Deadbeat

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 07:01 - Ireland

Today, exactly a year after he ended our relationship days before our son's first Christmas and told me he would always be in mine and our sons lives, I learned my ex got a new girlfriend several months ago, who more than likely is the reason he stopped calling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 153

Scary thought

By Kev - 14/02/2022 17:59

Today, I have a very mild case of COVID. I’ve been in quarantine for a few days now. No big deal. I’ve also been ridiculously horny these past few days. However, every time I…relieve that tension, I get a stabbing headache. Now I’m worried I may never full enjoy sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 217

Help yourself

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 22:00

Today my boss went digging through my drawer, took a pack of gum, and told me I got him the wrong flavor. He kept it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 105

Horrible little things

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 02:01 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, after three visits from exterminators and another from a steam cleaner, I still have bedbugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 82

Bad timing

By Sorry granny - 04/11/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, I learned that when a fly goes up your shirt into your armpit, it tickles very badly. I also found out that it's hard to explain this to your mother while she's trying to have a serious conversation with you about your grandmother's rapidly deteriorating health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 155

Deal with it

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 22:02 - Argentina - Mar De Ajo

Today, apparently having mood swings at 37 weeks pregnant is being "braggy" according to my husband, and totally not acceptable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 164

Cuties

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 02:02

Today, I shaved my penis and balls. When my girlfriend saw, she said, "You look like my little brother." He's 6 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 475

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - Gosport

Today, my partner thought I was having an affair because I received a video call but declined it. It was from my daughter, and I declined it because I was already on a video call with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 100

Heavy load

By w…… - 28/04/2021 23:01

Today, I was getting ready for work. When I stepped back, my ankle rolled and my fat ass landed on it with my foot sideways under me. Now I’m in a boot for 6 weeks and have 6 weeks of physical therapy ahead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 229

Bad friends

By Anonymous - 23/11/2022 19:00 - United States - Sewanee

Today, I just found out that my first-ever boyfriend has been cheating on me for our whole entire relationship. All my fake friends knew about the her, but they just "forgot to tell me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 104

Landlords need love too

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 19:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I started my weekend right… outside my grandmother's house, trying to repair her yard. The senile landlord came by and trashed it. This isn't the first time. He's pushing 90 years-old, so it's hard to tell if he has dementia or if he's doing it on purpose. All I want to know is, why hasn't he retired? FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 62

Classic story

By Anonymous - 06/04/2021 16:00 - United States - Wilton

Today, I’m getting so old that the local radio station that plays the “old classics” is playing songs I listened to in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 179

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 17:04 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I found out the first person I was able to open up to in nearly ten years is already in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 162

Omicron : Origin story

By IHaveThePower - 30/11/2021 11:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I went in for a job interview. Apparently, this company feels masks are optional, vaccines are optional, and I don't ever need to visit my grandmother with dementia again. Luckily, I was able to escape before I needed to quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 544

Baby fever

By Anonymous - 09/06/2021 14:02

Today, it's the fifth long-term boyfriend I’ve dumped because I want to be a mother but they didn’t want to be fathers. In fact, the last one laughed in my face and told me he’d be willing to get a cat, because cats require less effort than dogs, and don’t interrupt his PS4 time after work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 520

Pile on

By I miss bread - 14/12/2020 17:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 104

Time is money

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 18:00

Today, I had a job interview that I had spent hours preparing for it. When I arrived, the interviewer told me the position had been filled already and they forgot to notify me. I wasted a whole fucking day for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 86

The UK is a mess

By Zeruda - 16/10/2021 16:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, the metropolitan police told women to "flag a bus" if we don't feel safe with a lone male officer. Because that'll work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 110

Call CPS

By LaurenJ - 18/06/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 162

Community cat squad

By Anonymous - 21/03/2022 02:00

Today, I found out that I have mice because my landlady got rid of the community cats that were keeping them outside, and apparently my cats aren't taking care of them. I found out when I turned on my oven and my apartment was filled with an awful smell that turned out to be burning mouse crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 99

Embrace your kink

By Anonymous - 31/03/2022 16:00

Today, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can only have sex with really fat men, because that’s what turns me on, yet as soon as the sex is over, through no fault of theirs, I have to run to the toilet to be sick because I can’t believe what I just had sex with. I’m so messed up in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 2 579

Cat mojo

By Oww - 09/08/2022 00:00

Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 173

Mystery message service

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 20:02

Today, my two year-old opened one of my boyfriend's Snapchat messages. It was from a girl I've never heard of, with whom he has a 700+ day streak and is one of his top friends. The message said, "I wish?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 249

Thoughts and prayers

By Anonymous - 03/10/2021 20:00 - United States - Southampton

Today, I lost keys to my car, studio, house, and a storage unit, in a busy city park with no chance of recovering them after searching for hours. I have to cancel work and my car is going to be towed because of street sweeping. O, woe is me! Send a prayer and love, and perhaps my keys by carrier pigeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 269

Freudian

By Anonymous - 16/06/2023 00:02 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was having sex with my FWB buddy. Right when I was about to cum, he stopped, didn’t even pull out, and said, “Wait, I have to text my mom.” The guy is 23 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 292

Get it off your chest

By Anonymous - 22/01/2023 17:00 - Taiwan - Hsinchu

Today, my parents are the most toxic people I've ever met. They don't allow me to go outside, they decide what I eat, who my friends are, chastise every fucking little thing I do even when it's so minor you could just forget about it in one second. The biggest shame in my life is encountering such toxic people like them. I HATE them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 198

Up and down

By NightmareCentral - 19/10/2022 09:00 - United States - Little Rock

Today, I felt euphoric joy upon finding my deceased cat alive! Then utter devastation: she was suffering and needed putting down. Then joy! She recovered! Then crippling loss when it didn't last. This vivid emotional nightmare continued over and over until I woke up sobbing. My Fitbit says it was my best sleep in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 159

Operation time!

By Murphy’s Law - 04/03/2021 20:01 - United States - Troy

Today, I went to see the doctor for my daughter and myself. I fell two weeks ago, I thought I'd sprained my ankle but apparently I broke my leg instead. I’ve been limping around for two weeks. My daughter was sick, which is the only reason I got X-rayed. It may need screws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 199

I'm getting there!

By At least I'm trying - 26/08/2023 20:00

Today, one of my worst nightmares as an overweight woman came true. My boyfriend showed me a video someone had recorded of us exercising together, and who was mocking my weight the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 151

Hazing rituals have to stop

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 23:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I woke up again from another nightmare about my university's hazing fallout. Every time I see their faces in these dreams, I remember how they got away with everything, including trying to end us as they searched for the first year snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 225

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The Top

Today, I was walking to work when it was starting to pour down sideways. I was pretty early anyway, so, I decided to duck into a bus shelter and let it pass. Suddenly, a big truck comes and drenched me with the biggest puddle. Soaking from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 005

You deserved it 170

Today, I found out my co-workers don't actually like me when they changed the hangout spot after accidentally inviting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 053

You deserved it 3 844

Today, a mother wrote me a $130 check for babysitting her four kids for a few hours. Trying to be gracious, I said, "Wow, thank you, this is very generous!" She thought for a minute, then said, "You're right." She took the check back, ripped it up, and wrote me a new one for $55. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 096

You deserved it 30 754

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 183

You deserved it 3 014

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she believes I "jinxed" her chances of getting the job she wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 151

Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 043

You deserved it 6 711