By Travolta

Dancing With The Stares

Today, I was at a party and I danced. Judging by people's stares, I should never ever attempt it again. FML

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Our house, in the middle of our street

Walk the line

In-laws, in-fighting

By welp24

Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML

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By yggiz - United States

Today, I learned to never shave your downstairs when you have the hiccups. FML

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By awkward - United States - Oakland

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML

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By Broke Bitch - United States - Albertville

Today, I went to buy some frozen yogurt. I filled up a cup and the cashier rung it up. The total price was $6.92. I only had $5 in my wallet. So I gave her the $5 bill and went to my car to get more money. Little did I know, there was no money in my car. So I drove off. Leaving the $5 behind. FML

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By Retailhell - United States

Today, since it's company policy, I had to go to the back of my small store to retrieve an item for a customer, even though I was working by myself. I came back to find that since she couldn't get into the cash register, she found and stole my purse instead. FML

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By LogicalMolly - United States

Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during my lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML

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By goldendarkness

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to stop by a drive-thru on the way to his place. I asked him to order a Coke for me, at which point he asked if I wanted to make it a Diet Coke. FML

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By Lisa - United States

Today, after being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, I poured my heart out to my dad. He nodded and looked sympathetic throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what I should do. He replied, "How the hell should I know?" and awkwardly left my room. FML

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By Champion the wonder horse - United States

Today, a bunch of guys at work chased me down a corridor with a Febreze spray for smelling like I'd been "sleeping in a hollowed-out horse's carcass" and having "the personal hygiene of a billy goat." FML

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By KarateKid76 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML

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By Maria - United Kingdom - York

Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML

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By jessiegirl - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

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By Hello - United States

Today, I received the only love letter I've ever gotten. Too bad it's from the guy who's been stalking me. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom; I'd completely lost focus and fallen asleep while taking a shit. FML

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By Stephen - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

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By anonymous - Lebanon

Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML

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By zanaruka

The customer is always an ass

Today, an angry customer rubbed her hand all over my face, all while showing me her positive COVID-19 test results. FML

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By Anonymous

Check this out

Today, I ran downstairs to meet the Amazon driver and threw on a shirt in a rush. Only after he left did I realise it was my shirt with artful rips in the design and I'd forgot to put on a vest under it. I'd flashed the driver my entire right boob with nipple piercing through one of the holes. FML

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By anon - United States

Quickshot

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

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By neverdrivingagain - United Kingdom

Today, I spent hours arguing with my mother, who claimed I shouldn't make a three hour drive because I wouldn't be able to concentrate for that long. I argued that I was a perfectly capable driver, and left. In the last 2 minutes of the journey, I hit a van and messed up the front of my car. FML

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By Cleo - Brunei Darussalam

Today, I found out that my colleagues don't add me on Facebook so that they can publicly put me down in their statuses, without me knowing. My boss liked the one which said that I talk too much. FML

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By cole66 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

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By Anonymous

Thanks for all the help

Today, I found the Facebook album my sister took with her kids by the pool and out on boats while back in our hometown. My problem? I'm our dad's carer since his stroke and she had planned the trip as a mission to help me take care of him, but due to her kids being "sick", she only visited briefly. Twice. In 5 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Ascot Vale

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents, despite my long-standing protests. Over the next hour, they asked her if she'd ever considered becoming a swinger, why not, if she'd ever consider it in future, and to keep them in mind if she does. FML

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By dickofbrokendreams - United States - Waynesville

Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML

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By KittenTitz

Planned parenthood

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML

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By planking champion - United States

Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML

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By AnonymousAmber - United States - Yadkinville

Today, my best friend told me that she was a virgin again because she hadn't had sex in 6 months. She's 19 and actually believes it. FML

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By skitzobiatch69 - Australia

Today, after being cut out of the car, on the way to hospital in the ambulance, we were involved in another accident. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

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By Amey - United States

Today, while watching TV, I danced, sang along, and helped Dora the Explorer get to her Grandmother's house. It was the most fun I've had all year. I'm 21. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

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By mew - Canada

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

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By officeditz - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML

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By Thongy - Canada

Cultural differences

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? My Australian friend sent me a message saying I'd left my thongs at his house. My boyfriend still refuses to believe that they call flip-flops thongs in Australia. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

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By justagirl

Fatherlessness

Today, my ex started to talk to me again after 3 years. I've been in an amazing relationship for the last 2 years. She let me know she is taking me to court for child support. I didn't even know I had a kid. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke my arm, and posted a picture of my X-ray on Facebook to show everyone how bad the break is. Nobody even asked me if I was OK. FML

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Top comments

By Danishduckling | 20

#7804463 - Monday 20 May 2019 9:36

Did you have fun? Did you enjoy it?
If so, keep dancing to your heart's content, ignore the haters and enjoy yourself.

By inappropes | 31

#7804397 - Monday 20 May 2019 2:27

You were jaw dropping! Could go either way.

COMMENTS

By inappropes | 31

#7804397 - Monday 20 May 2019 2:27

You were jaw dropping! Could go either way.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7804400 - Monday 20 May 2019 2:37

Did you use the kicks and the thumbs? Was it a full-body dry heave? Elaine?

“Dance like nobody’s watching” shouldn’t be taken literally. The better advice is “Dance WHEN nobody’s watching.”

By Danishduckling | 20

#7804463 - Monday 20 May 2019 9:36

Did you have fun? Did you enjoy it?
If so, keep dancing to your heart's content, ignore the haters and enjoy yourself.